Maybe this is going to be sad because Andrea died. She spent a weekend at the Big Yellow writing retreat, pushed herself and her oxygen tank into Packards for Friday night drinks and onto my couch for our Saturday night group Hootenanny. When she died just two days later, our Big Yellow group lost one of our own, one of our best and brightest..
I don't know what brings me to talk about Andrea today, but she is in my mind. It might be because my beloved friend Renee reminds me so much of her. Their ages, backgrounds, circumstances are different, but their spunk and courage and ability to live life large is so similar it's uncanny.
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So I'd like to introduce you to Andrea. This is a post from her blog, written in the midst of her spunky no-holds-barred battle with cancer. And if you like this, you may want to go here: http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2008/05/essay-winner-surviving-cancer, where you will find Andrea's award winning essay in Glamour Magazine. After she and we waited for months with unbridled anticipation and pride, she died the day before it hit the stands.
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I googled myself. (Come on, EVERYBODY does it, right? And my Mom says it's perfectly natural...) And now, it seems that the other Andrea Coller has taken on an additional name. I'd like to think that she was inundated with so many "ohmygodijustloveyourmusic!!" emails from all of the kids out there that she just changed it to avoid all of my rabid fans. In reality, though, it seems that she met a nice Scottish boy and settled down.
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Bitch.
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So if any of you don't know, I'm kind of glued to my couch these days. It blows, but it's my own fault. By New Years' I had completely run myself into the ground with my constant working and no-time-for-sleep-no-time-for-food lifestyle. God, I miss it. I sigh now and think about how fucking fabulous that cycle was- coffee, work, coffee, coffee, rockshow, drinking, pass out, coffee. And I did it all in heels and pencil skirts. I'm jealous.
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Making a looooong story short, on January 2 I went to the ER because I felt totally awful. I woke up a couple weeks later at Brigham and Women's in Boston. It seems I'd developed severe pneumonia, in addition to a full-body toxic infection, which caused complications with my heart and lungs. Couple of weeks in the ICU, then regular hospital, then another... It's some slow-moving shit. So I just got home last week. I'm still hooked up to oxygen, and not able to walk much farther than my kitchen. I'd normally describe this as a fate worse than death, but I'm trying very hard to be optimistic.
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I hate optimists.
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I bet the other Andrea Coller never had to deal with crap like this.
Gosh, she was funny. I thought of her this weekend, as I always do when I'm at BY. We are lucky to have her voice and her laughter in our memory.
ReplyDeleteThat was sad. My heart hurts reading this and her Glamour article.
ReplyDeleteShe was a talented writer, I felt so many emotions reading her words.
I hate cancer.
kris, how comforting to see your comment here. i'm glad.
ReplyDeletelori, she was an incredible writer. you read the glamour article? she won that over hundreds of entries. five people came to her house for a huge photo shoot etc. she was so bummed that she didn't feel or look like she wanted to. andrea was VERY funk fashionable.
i hate cancer too.
Poor Andrea.... It doesn't seem fair when young people die of cancer, but then again cancer is not fair at all.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading her words, she has humor, must follow the link and read the article too.
KJ I am sorry that you had to loose a dear friend!
hugs
>M<
were writing about the same stuff again.... Jung's collective unconscious is definately working in relation to us!
ReplyDeleteI hope you won't be too sad today as you celebrate your friends death.
xx
Oh yes, cancer sucks big time.And I may be missing a tit but I'm alive!
whoops maent to say celebrate her life.... otherwise sounds just a tad callous!!
ReplyDeletemarianne, andrea was a hoot. she read her stories with such understatement and we all laughed our asses off.
ReplyDeletemandy, your addendum succeeded in making me laugh! i know what you meant! and yes, we are now 2 for 2. i wonder what's next. :) your point about being ALIVE with cancer is huge. one of my best friends has just finished chemo and she just plowed her way through it. i don't know how she did it, really. i was in awe. congrats to you, mandy, for four years of spunk. :)
She sounds remarkable, and I haven't read the Glamour article yet.....
ReplyDeleteHow very dear of you to remember her and to introduce her to us. Thank you for this.
The phrase "live fast, die young" comes to mind. I'm sorry she's gone. I really am. It sucks totally.
ReplyDeleteOne amazingly talented, courageous and defiant young woman. I read her article in Glamour - it is exceptional - what a shame she never saw it in print. Kj - thank you for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI loved how she implied her going into the kitchen normally was fate worse than death. That she had some humor about her illness carried her, I hope, quietly to the good sleep.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of her, too ... she must be visiting us all in some way. I could read her stuff over and over and over again and it's always as fresh and funny and poignant and ballsy as the first time I read it. I miss her.
ReplyDeletelydia, read the glamour article if you can. it's andrea at her best. xo
ReplyDeletesnowbrush, thank you. it does suck.
caroline, xoxo
mark,'the good sleep.' beautiful.
melissa, over and over and over again...that's how funny she is. i'll never forget listening to her.
xoxo
Is it just me? Or have you noticed this too? That when amazing people like this die much too young, they seem to have tried to cram as much living as possible into their too-short lives. They seem wiser, more driven, somehow. It's as if the soul knows how much time it has been given inside this body.
ReplyDeleteCancer SUCKS.
Love and hugs, my most caring and twinklierest of twinkliest (plus infinity) twin,
xoxoxo
Angela
Wow, this is sad. I damn near cried when I read she died before the Glamour article came out. may she rest in peace.
ReplyDeletekj,
ReplyDeleteI, like you, am amazed at the depth of feeling I can have for someone I will never meet, yet know. Andrea and Renee's courage are overwhelming. I want to offer comfort and find that I am the one being comforted. When I ask myself, "wait a minute, what are you really doing here", thats a worry that I'm being superficial with someone who is in real trouble. What qualifies me to deal with any of this? But the answer is, "whatever I can". Its the humanity that shines through with such resonance. It bursts through in the posts and every single comment. I swear, kj, this crazy thing called the internet is one day, going to save us all.
Peace to Andrea.
XOXOXO to Renee
Kudos to kj
kj what a remarkable woman.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post and I see how Andrea was your friend.
I know that she loved you as much as I do.
I miss her and I didn't even know her, but thank you dear friend for the introduction.
kj you are an incredible person and I adore you.
You are a true blessing and I can see how JB and everyone loves you.
Love Renee xoxo
How wonderful that you shared your friend with us through your memories and her writing.
ReplyDeleteI think she'll hang around the ones she loved for a long, long time. She's not finished writing her story yet.
love you,
Lo
TWINKLIEREST twin, you make me laugh! i love you! wiser and more driven when time is short?--i think so too, angela. i actually think andrea was an angel among us. i was not 'close' to her. but we shared an incredibly meaningful experience--12 of us writers and songwriters meeting twice a year, serving up our hearts to one another.
ReplyDeletebarbara, who can question the timing? it was awful. the day AFTER she died--this incredible honor of an article. in GLAMOUR! her kind of magazine--she was so fashionable, in her own iconic way.
xo
ah, linda, it is a mystery, how the heart finds love. i do have one bit of advice for you: don't neglect your in person friends. that can happen, they can look less desirable than the bonds we have here in blogland, but at 2 am you may need them to sit with you, hold you. that said, i am transformed by the love and grace and passion and fun i have found here. thank you for showing up...
xo
renee, she had your point of view. your spunk. your irreverence. your wit. your tolerance. your experience. and man can the two of you write! i only made the connection yesterday. wow. i adore you too, renee, always have, always will.
my dearest lo, okay i won't get mushy with you on the blogs. (but please can i knock on that cottage wall just once, just a little knock? heehee). how true that her story is not yet finished. many of the people who knew her will carry her the distance. xoxo
I love Andrea. What a firecracker. I am so sorry for the whole losing her has left in your heart. I am so sorry for Andrea's Mom. I read the article and have marked the interview to read later...stupid work. When I meet God face to face, one of the first things I ask will be Why So Young? Andrea, tonight, after work, cocktails in heels and a pencil skirt, just for you. **blows kisses** Deb
ReplyDeletedeb, that is one fine tribute you're planning--how cleverly you've included yourself in the iconic fun! and who better than you? heeheehee
ReplyDeleteOh KJ-this hits me hard today. There is another Debra C in my town-I get her wedding invitations, they call me when she buys something for her bike to tell me it's ready.
ReplyDeleteI am having an Uncle John day today, and it's Veterans Day so that makes sense, but it helps to know that other people have these random pop ups of memory. Maybe where ever they are now, they are thinking about us.
Maybe they can go have coffee together and laugh at us earthbound souls-I'd like to think they would.
Wow, what an amazing essay she wrote. I'm so sorry she didn't "see" it published, but you know she did ;)
ReplyDeleteI teared up, a lot while reading it, still have tears.
so enough said, off to get a tissue...
much love
take it easy today, debra kay. we have blessings and angels all around us. xo
ReplyDeletestacey, thank you.it was an incredible irony that she did not hold the magazine in her hands. her family and friends had to do it for her. but now, i wouldn't be surprised if she flipping the pages right now.
xo
Sad...but glad you knew her and she knew you....so it wasnt all sad I think....
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxxoxo
I loved reading this blog post from Andrea. I hadn't seen it before. It's great to hear her voice again, as always happens with her reading. That Glamour article, she knew, for sure, even if she didn't hold it in her hands right then. It was with her already when she died. And yes, I'm have to think that she is sitting somewhere tapping her high heeled foot, cooking up good trouble somewhere. Thanks for the post. I do wish she was still here, it does not make sense for her to be gone. From Andrea I always get the message...get off your ass, get over it, get on with it, go have some fun and love it up. Right on.
ReplyDeletesonia, she lived her life so fully it's an inspiration to remember that. xoxo
ReplyDeletelora, "get off your ass, get over it, get on with it, go have some fun and love it up. Right on" oh jeez, lora, that's it, isn't it? the secret to a fulfilling life. right there. let's not forget.
(i miss you) xo
I have just read her article and it's brilliant. What a shame she didn't get to see it in print. She had a fantastic sense of humour. What a waste.
ReplyDeleteBT, brilliant is a good word for andrea. so easy to read, so funny, so real. thanks for coming by, gina. please come again anytime
ReplyDeletexo
I read the entire Glamour magazine article. Chills like you wouldn't believe. Sadness. Heartache. I then think to myself, "what right to have about whining about throwing up, headaches, leg pains because of my liver disease and blood disorder?"....even after all the abuse I went through from childhood on up? What a powerful article...very moving. It spoke to me.
ReplyDeleteI remember you and Melissa posting about this lovely lady. Nice that you remember her. I wish I could be an interloper on your Big Yellow writing weekend it sounds like a real communion of souls. Cancer sucks. Most of us will suffer from it. What can I say? It's a modern disease and it shits me to tears that research money is being spent on penis reconstruction in rabbits (Sorry Em) rather than the real diseases, AIDS, Cancer, flu.
ReplyDeleteBless Andrea wherever she is. . .she's touched hearts that have never even known her.
Wow, she was a powerful writer. Had sad she died so young.
ReplyDelete