Monday, September 30, 2013


 I don't know where to start. Probably the breakdown. 

1. Jess was sick and I was driving to her house to help out. At 7:30 am with no warning, on the Massachusetts Turnpike, with a speed limit of 65 mph my car died. By died I mean the steering wheel locked, the brakes locked, I had no flashers or tail lights. Thank god the traffic was just starting to down because of a backup into Boston. 

I could have been slammed from behind. Easily. Some guy appeared at my window and with a screwdriver in hand, he opened a small shift box that unlocked my steering wheel and allowed him to push me to the break down lane, where I waited for 45 minutes for the Turnpike Authority to send a tow truck. I waited while cars sped by me on two sides. 

I could have been slammed. Easily.

I'll condense the rest: I had to pull myself up to and down from the high tow truck cab six times. I am recovering from knee surgery and still using a cane, still in physical therapy, still stiff and still sore. It was a bitch. My car was taken to a Toyota dealership not near my home and they told me my battery died because a cable line to the battery had corroded. They told me it should have been caught during my regular servicing. I still have to deal with that.

I could have been killed. That's what I think.

I picked my car up late afternoon, paid and turned the starter. Dead. 

I'll condense the rest again. Rental car. Two more days. Defective NEW battery. Replacement. Driving cautiously.

2. I spent two heartwarming days this week with my daughter Jess, baby Reese, Mike and the boys. Lovely though still limping. Damn that. This recovery is two steps forward, one step back. I have another month of physical therapy and I hope hope I walk better and further every day. I hope no more tow trucks. I hope Jessica's return to work this week, after 12 weeks of maternity leave, goes well. 

3. This is a view from the couch of our modest lovely new house in Provincetown by the sea; currently a vacation home but one day...maybe a move there. We have sold the condo in town that we needed to sell in order to buy this house without losing our financial shirts, and we finally sold in the nick of time. We close this Friday. Friday night JB and I will have dinner at the Mews, heartily toast and appreciate, and then we will hang pictures in our new place. 

3. I have a good friend--her name is Lori--many of your know her and adore her many talents. She knitted this for Baby Reese. I wanted to cry when I opened this gift. I have great friends. 

4. Ah Mohegan Sun Casino. I am a slot machine addict. I don't know why that is. If I break even I think I won. JB patiently came with me to unwind for a day. Why unwind? Did I mention my knee rehab has been challenging and limiting and my sleep is most nights disrupted and we're not sure we're going to be able to help our dog Chase be healthy and happy and I'm so shocked by the violence and uncivility in the world?

5. There's more. But there is also good. My family. My daughter and her husband. My darling grands. The sea. Fall in New England. Good friends. A yard that's been neglected all summer but is still fertile and loyal. 

6. BTW: I found this on Facebook. A rubber hand filled with Halloween goodies. JB and I are going to make these for our little guys. Steal the idea: isn't it cool?

7. The new house: nothing fancy, right? And yet JB and I are giddy about it. This week the brick steps are being repaired and restored, the shutters and flower boxes are being painted Ben's gorgeous Nova Scotia Blue, and the overgrown rose bushes and giant neglected shrubs will be cut back and pruned. Every small repair is a dopamine rush.

8. I so rarely talk about Logan. Mr. Ryan and no-longer-baby-Drew and now sister Reese get a lot of my attention and words. Logan quietly observes. He is now two and is stringing three or four words together--sentences. Logan is a happy boy. I love him. 

9. As I write this, the United States government is readying to shut down. Disgusting, this congress. I am thinking about what I want to do, can do, should do, might do, to make the world more to my liking. I believe many many of us need to find one another and support one another as a modern day underground railroad. Surely peace becomes us.* 
* from social justice singer Holly Near

10. My friend Anne has died. I am so very sad. She handled her illness and life incredibly. I will write about Anne and my loss, but not now. 

I still hope I blog more regularly. I want to. I also hope you are each well. Happy new season.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Where (How) I Live: Western Massachusetts

morning coffee
the park next door

the farms
Stella: rescued, loved, missed

when there were just two.. 
health costs: the most expensive dog we will ever love 

Please don't misunderstand. My life is not as lovely as the people and animals and space around me. I complain as much as I appreciate. 


Where (how) I live is beautiful and peaceful and full. One day I will not live here anymore. Then I hope I will look back on this farmland and college town with abundance. And if I'm smart enough by then, I will know that my ability to be happy comes not from these gifts that surround me, but from within me.

I am every age I've ever been and every place I've ever been.


Thursday, September 12, 2013

Pondering Time

 I am clearly in transition. 

Nine weeks after knee surgery with several months of rehabilitation ahead, twelve weeks after leaving my structured (and loved) job of five years, ten weeks after the birth of an unexpected girl granddaughter named reese, six months after incredulously and miraculously buying a real house in provincetown, five months after putting our condo on the market thinking it would sell in a week, and two weeks after finally getting a offer, therefore plugging a scary financial hole...

After all this, I seem to be settling down: the knee pain is less, I'm moving better and more, I'm not so tired, and I'll be damned: I'm not working! I have some time. 

Here is a quick tour of my summer to now:

I took this tonight driving home at night. This is my town center. To me it might as well be the 1950's. There's an easy pace to living here: a college vibe but this is farmland.

On the other hand, this is the new house in provincetown. A HOUSE! For years we have been in a condominium situation with difficult neighbors, so to have our own place one block from the bay is very incredible. But look at this crazy driveway; even one car cannot fit straight into it.

I could not be at the beach all summer. But one day in late august, I opened the hatchback of my toyota rav, while JB sat in the sand, and i took this in. Right in front of me...

There is a place on the back road in Sandwich on Cape Cod called the Jam Kitchen, a part of a nature center.  There are 20 burners that make dozens of different kinds of jam that then sell in the gift store. We bought raspberry.   It was great. 

And what am i doing these days? I'm not sure, but I seem to be thinking about how to do this gently. 

I hope many of my friends and visitors will be back on the blogs. I've been a bit absent and I hope I post more often. 

Because facebook be damned; I love it here. :^)