Emily Rabbit's Advice on Bowling

First of all, it was NOT my fault that I was asked to leave the bowling alley. Nor was it my fault that the police were called when I refused to leave, because why should I have to leave when there I was enjoying myself, using my already accurate skills throwing frozen peas and frozen brussel sprouts to throw the bowling balls, and was it even my fault that a few times the balls ended up in another alley and okay one ball hit someone on the foot who was a cry baby and complained to the big ball manager?

Of course not! But I am starting to think that there is discrimination against rabbits and for that matter maybe even against hairy people because wouldn't you agree that I had every right to throw the bowling balls even though those green and red shoes didn't really fit me but the big ball manager said I had to wear them so I did but really I do think it made it harder for me to hop and then to aim, which is why I think one of my balls hit the Budweiser sign and the broken glass fell on top of a pool table which of course was not my fault either.

Anyway, I was NOT arrested because what would I be charged with? Disturbing the man with the big balls?

If you haven't bowled in a while I think you should, especially if you are mad at someone because you can really throw those balls and pretend you are trying to knock down some mean person or even a whole group of mean people.

This week I am offering some advice about how to be a good bowler. I hope kj understands that I should be paid for this.

1. Stick some chewing gum inside one or more of the holes in the big balls. Then when you throw it the ball with stick to your fingers longer and maybe that will help it go straighter.

2. It is not a good idea to throw the ball so high that it makes a giant crash on the alley because the big ball manager will blame you for cracking the wood, which I did NOT do but he said I could even when I told him I wouldn't he still said I shouldn't.

3. If you can't lift the ball, you can try to kick it, or better yet bend over and push it with your two hands (or paws, for my rabbit readers) from between your legs. Don't get discouraged if it wobbles because you never know.

4. If you should happen to let go of the ball and it flies behind you somewhere, it is best to look very sorry and maybe even apologize, because that could be another reason you would be asked to leave the bowling alley so why not just look innocent and sorry?

and finally,

5. If you keep throwing balls and they don't knock down any pins, run all the way down the alley FAST and knock ALL of them down yourself. The score thingy won't know the difference and you can end up with a much better score.

I think September is not only Animal Bowling Month but also People Big Ball Month so I encourage you to visit your local bowling alley. If you happen to hit someone or break a sign or worse of all crack the alley, my advice is to leave on your own before the police even come.

Sincerely

Emily Rabbit