Thursday 13: Random Love Affairs

Okay, so I admit the title of this post is misleading. But that gets me thinking. Wouldn't THAT be an interesting topic? Which gets me further thinking: I'm still pondering kj's first annual sex survey. I've started writing it but I couldn't even finish the first question. I need encouragement. And maybe even sample questions. It could be anonymous, you know. Anyway, I'm not admitting to 13 love affairs. Not today anyway.

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Instead:

1. Up until it happened, I never thought much about having more babies in my life. And I swore even after it happened that I would not and could not love anyone else any more than I already love my daughter Jessica. I knew I wouldn't be one of these grandmothers who's life got filled to the gills with her grandchildren. I knew that because my life is already filled to the gills. So I did not expect to love like this. I look at Mr. Ryan and I just know I will do whatever I can for him for all of my life. I'm going to share a certain way of "seeing" with him, and I'm going to believe in him so much he will have a ready reserve when he might not be able to believe in himself. And this will be true for Mr. Drew too.

2. I love the company of other women. I only came to understand what that means to me a few years ago--the 'sisterhood' women share, the strength we give one another, the way we understand, and how we quietly tend to what needs tending.

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3. I needed a new avatar. It was no longer right to keep my old one, painted specially for me by my best friend who is so sadly no longer in my life. The one I ended up choosing is my wonderful friend Valgal's painting of jb's Magic Cottage in our side yard, but until I figured out that that was an awesome and obvious choice, Studio LoLo offered me the illustration above, her own painting. Lolo is such a dear and loving friend I am amazed at my good fortune. Ours is an easy, old-shoe, old-soul relationship. We laugh alot. We talk non-stop. In a few weeks she is moving to within driving distance of me, and I am pretty sure we will end up friends for life. I'm grateful.

4. The Evolution Cafe is a mile from my house and I don't go there often, but when I do, I take my laptop and I sit in the booth by the window, and I write. It's a run down place with vegan food and great desserts, one big room with old couches and a long family style wooden table. I feel like a writer there. And it feels like a luxury to be there writing, like I have all the time in the world to just be there.

5. I never tire of the view from my kitchen window. This is the first time I've lived in a semi-rural area, where I have a real back yard and tall elegant trees framing the sky. The hot tub is visible at the lower left corner of the window: I have no words to describe that luxury at midnight.

7. I don't remember who to credit for this birthday poster of Renee. (If it's yours, or anyone knows, please tell.) I also don't have words to describe Renee. I just know that I enjoy the hell out of her and that she is one of those special people I look forward to hearing from, delight in knowing, would be happy to sacrifice for. She has special status because she's tackling a life threatening illness, but the truth is the woman can write. She's comfortable in her own skin. And she 'gets' it.

8. What a trip. To have published my first book, to have people buy it and read it and like it: it's just unbelievable. It makes me happy. I don't know what will come next, but I can safely say I will now always be a writer, and I will write a second novel. But I don't know much more than that. I've started the new novel but I'm too raw to do it justice. The time will come.

9. How many people live with an imp of a rabbit who dares to plant jellybeans in the backyard and hope for the best? Emily Rabbit is now a Wednesday feature of my blog and is garnering support that I pay her for it. I could be mentally committed for reacting to her temper tantrums. Still, when I'm gardening and I come across these jellybeans, I feel like something's right in the world. And that makes me smile.

9. This is my friend Baino from Australia. We've never "met" but we've become friends and I'm glad of it. I'm including her in this week's random reasons to love because for some reason this photo makes me laugh. I just think she's adorable. I tell her she reminds me of a crusty marshmellow, and that's what I see in this picture.

10. I love my house. It's not fancy but it's cozy. That's all.

11. In addition to Emily, I also live with Esther, Mildred and the Christmas Angel who should have relocated after the holidays but somehow has remained on the living room couch. I've talked about Esther before. She is grumpy and ribald and sometimes drinks too much. Once she was found hanging upside down on a hall staircase. When we have company, someone sometimes sits on Esther, and I jump up and rescue her so fast my company thinks something terrible has happened. Which from Esther's point of view could be true....

12. Oh Stella. She is the sweetest nicest dog. She will do whatever you ask. Stop Stella. Stay Stella. Kiss Stella. She makes being compliant look easy. I admire her for that.

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13. And oh Ryan. You are such a doll. You call me Gram and you call jb 'BB' and you call Stella 'Cella'. You come to our house and go right to the bottom shelf, right corner of the the bookcase and find your special box that holds your flashlight and keys. And you roll your ball and stack your blocks and run and laugh from one end of the house to the other. You are pretty fun, Mr. Ryan, and if I have my way we're going to keep it that way for the next twenty years.

That's all I have to say today. I can tell I'm sounding healthier. And happier. Thank God for that.