Thursday 13: Work(ing) It Out

I've had alot of jobs in my career. I've owned my own business for most of it, consulting, training, developing programs, counseling, running a restaurant, starting an artisian cooperative, marketing a movie theatre and school system and myself, writing (yay!), and as of exactly one year ago, psychotherapist in an inner city.

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This week I thought I'd focus on my work: the reasons I like it, some observations, the touching moments, some of the funny stuff.

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1. The city I work in has been in federal receivership for some time. There are some middle class neighborhoods--even a few upper class ones--but for the most part, the buildings and neighborhoods are dirt poor. And transient. Many of the folks I see have little or almost no furniture at all--a bed, a table, maybe one couch, a couple of chairs. That's not everybody, but at first I didn't understand: with no car and no money, when you move, you leave what little you have behind.

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2. I have close to twenty clients, including some kids, ages 4, 9, 12, 13, & 17. I've never worked with kids before last year, and never with individuals and families in so much turmoil. I didn't expect to like it so much, or to be so comfortable doing it. I think I'm someone who tries to make lemonade from lemons, and that approach seems to help.

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3. Last week my 12 year old client, who I see at school, suggested I bring some donuts and a Dunkin Donuts' Coolata with me every once in a while. "We should have donuts together sometimes," she smiled.

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4. Even though I need to be extra careful in high crime areas, I'm pretty comfortable. I make sure I learn and know what I need to be careful about, and if I'm not sure, I ask my client and he/she will fill me in. But the one thing I cannot bring myself to do is pull into a corner gas station in most parts of the city. I just have this notion of me innocently pumping gas and getting zapped in a drive-by shooting.

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5. I asked my thirteen year old Hispanic client what her court-appointed lawyer was like. "Well," she said, "He's white," emphasizing the word 'white' as if that should tell me everything I need to know."Oh," I said, "you mean white like me?" She stopped and took this in for a second, and then we both laughed out loud, in that moment both of us colorblind.

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6. I am talking about S-E-X with 13 year olds and 17 year olds. And because I am sometimes not sure what's appropriate either developmentally or culturally, I have to ask them who's doing what and why and how and when. I'm totally amazed how much these kids tell me and how willing they are to listen to advice and admonitions.

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7. I have a deal with one of my girls: NO drugs, NO gangs, NO babies. That is the plan to get her from today to college. I drive her crazy because I make her repeat this mantra almost every time I see her.

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8. I get a lot of hugs in this job.

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9. I suggested to a middle aged woman with a horrible history of childhood abuse that perhaps she could step in and mother the little girl inside her when things got really scary. I saw her last week and she told me she did just that. "My little girl was so afraid she was going to get hit, so I stepped in and put my arms around her and told her I would protect her." The woman paused. "And you know, I felt empowered when I did that." Myself, I was thrilled hearing this for the rest of the day.

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10. I get to go to all these different elementary, middle and high schools. I like that. I stopped in to meet the principal of the high school last week because I'm thinking about pitching a group or workshop for high school seniors called "How To Be An Adult." (This title is from my friend Nerissa Nield's book of the same name). I would want to develop and run this group myself.

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11. I spend 3 to 4 hours a week doing paperwork I don't get paid for. I call it the volunteer part of my job. I bitch about it to myself non-stop the whole time.

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12. Recently a client asked me if I'd like to go to the Casino with her some day. What's wrong with this picture?--therapists don't socialize with clients and a casino no less. Still, I know it's a compliment because it means she is comfortable with me and our back-door counseling, somewhat due to the fact that I see alot of people in their own homes.

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13. I work two long days each week, spend another half day doing reports and bills, and use the rest of my time writing, promoting my new book, helping my mom, doing life's non-stop chores, and now working on my yard. It's quite a well paced life these days. I look back on raising Jess and working sometimes 60 hours a week and don't have a clue how I did it.

Does anyone have thirteen things to say/share/chat about besides me? Just because you do it one time (Soulbrush...) doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Tsup!