Wednesday, September 07, 2011


I’m glad to hear that she is okay, and I hope that she returns to blogging one day. I have to admit, lately it was difficult to read her blog and her comments on other blogs due to the volatile nature of her words. I was wondering if I should even continue reading her blog, or take a break for a bit, because I was shocked and offended and hurt by the blurb about "dysfunctional, perverted and arrogant" liberals she has on the main page of her blog. I kept thinking, "Does she realize she's talking about me when she says these things?" It has been hard for me to separate that from her gorgeous artwork and wonderful smile and personality, which is really too bad. I've so enjoyed reading her blog and seeing her incredible talent. But, part of my hope for both sides of the aisle after this election is that we'll come together ... and instead of focusing on differences, focus on acceptance, so I do my best to accept and love her for all of her. :) I know how very close you are to her and I hope your friendship mends. I know you must be hurting over it and I send my love."

This email came without blame, without judgement. At the time it was clear that one friend had hurt another. It wasn't until last weekend, three maybe four years later, in a cleaning frenzy of ancient emails, that it also became clear that one friend's attempt to be gentle in her tone, in explaining her hurt and need to protect herself, masked the deep and dangerous reality of another.

My friend was justifiably hurt and at the time I made excuses and covered for the person who hurt her because I loved that other person. I knew she had a problem with empathy and compassion: I knew that all along but I made excuses and ignored her hostility toward others until I understood her hostility full force myself. And even then, I didn't want to see.

These days I wonder how the world is going to right itself: so many fractions and warring sides and disdain for opinions that do not match one's own. For a long time I prided myself in being able to accept the position of someone who sounded too much like Rush Limbaugh, who didn't hesitate to degrade or denounce the very beliefs I and others hold high.

I didn't understand the real damage of the degradation and denunciation until I had some distance, finally, to see that a mean streak and intolerance sooner or later overtakes charm and talent. It's hard to face, but even now, I wish for peace in a cold heart.

Looking back, I'm sorry I let my friend be hurt by another's words simply because I was too smitten to protect the people callously misalligned or insulted. I will always be someone who appreciates opinions different from my own: there is much to be learned that way. But name calling and vehemence is not the way to heal oneself or one's planet. I think it's safe to say I won't be overlooking mean spirited rhetoric again. It has to start with me, everytime.

In my email clearing frenzy, I also came across a quick response from my friend Renee, a blogger known to many, who would die only months after she wrote this:

kj, For so many they see a way to change and get what they want and have needed all their lives. For me it is so different, because I have always had what I want. I have always seen the birds sing and have stated my truth. Does that make sense to you?

Yes, Renee. It makes total sense. Why does the scarcity of what one wants and need in life lead a person to hate and vilify the differences of others? And why is this so for some and not others?

Love kj


  1. so heart touching... i am amazed you have emails saved from that long ago... !!! and yes there is a certain bias in ones attitude...we tend to ignore the shortcomings of our dear ones and that lead into destrcution in the future...

  2. Well, I just adore every word you wrote, except, I did not want to learn that Renee died. We need more Renees and less of the other, more Rush-like people.


  3. You know KJ, I am finally of the opinion that those who are the most vicious with words meant to hurt others MUST be absolutely miserable with themselves inside, and gain a perverse satisfaction from a lame ability to hurt people by what they say.
    I loved Renee's comment.....sometimes, even when I have lost and lost, I look around myself and think, I really do have it all. I have everything I need, I have friends, I have LOVE.
    What more can a person wish for than that.......
    Back to the first e-mail quote~~~I read blogs where I enjoy the content. All of it. I don't need to inflate dangerous egos. I don't need to see them, hear them or deal with them.
    That's what media and politics do, and I ignore them.
    Read where you are welcome.
    Delete the rest.
    Anne's motto.


  4. Oh, dear. So much sadness. So much pain. And so much being spread all around. So hard to believe.
    And yes, I remember Renee.
    I said this to a couple of friends today: "I think the whole world is taking crazy pills, except for me and thee."
    If it were only that easy to explain all the difficulty.
    Blessings and Bear hugs, kj.

  5. Just think of the true fundamental things in life: follow the golden rule, do not do unto others what would hurt you if done unto you, extend compassion and charity in silence and by acts, if you disagree with someone's political opinions just gently say, I am sorry, I honestly wish I could see your point of view, but I can't so I will suggest we change the subject before we accidentally may offend each other.

    The question remains, as always: how can you love anyone if you don't honestly love yourself? How can you forgive trespasses if you are not aware of those you may have hurt and have done something for reparation? I am sorry are just three words of little meaning if they are not followed by "what can I do to show you that I am truly sorry?" Forgiveness can only be obtained through reparation in my book.

    All I can say is: just feel sorry for people who inflict wounds for no other reason than to impose themselves and their views on others. They are lonely people with an intense need to appear as they are not in order to be accepted, and so they miss one of the most beautiful things about true friendship: honesty.

  6. ah the age old question...suppose we're all products of our past, together with our genetics, but no that doesn't mean allowing people to be hurtful and to say nothing...I know I've done exactly the same...disharmony makes me clam up and it's later that I see what I needed to's a continual leaning experience isn't it... And our dear Renee...I thought about her today...another friend passed away last night and each time this happens I think of them all, these precious gifts that were sent into my life...
    Take care sweet KJ...

  7. muhammad, sometimes people disappoint, that can't be helped. but it is wise to allow people into your mind and heart who will treat you and others with kindness and respect, especially when they disagree with you.

    sharon, oh darn! not a post i would have chosen for your visit here! but thank you. you would have adored renee, sharon. one of a kind. ♥

    anne, this is the most wonderful comment you have left. good motto: it is your wise heart talking. i do as you do: if i cannot enjoy the colors and words of any blog, i will not go there. what would be the point of doing otherwise?

    rob, i know what you mean. these are uncivil times and it seems like chaos. my good friend marion explains it, however, in a way that i find hopeful; she says change is taking place to make way for a different kind of healing. i'm holding on to that. ♥

    dear dearest allegra, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

  8. chrisy, i'm sorry for the loss of your friend. ♥ for some reason i think renee is front and center among us these days. i wouldn't put it past her. my story in this case is a classic 'love is blind.' i didn't realize the extent of the vehemence at the time. lesson learned. xoxoxo

  9. Change is, indeed, taking place. Slowly. But where it is heading is far from clear.

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  11. It was lovely to read Allegra's comment.

    I think of Renee more and more often these days. Her messages of hope, even with all the pain she felt, kept many coming back to draw from her courage and strength. And I still think she's around, as well. She was far too involved with all her friends and family to not continue on, even from another plane.She projected so much love!

    Tnank you for this..."But name calling and vehemence is not the way to heal oneself or one's planet." So completely true! xx

  12. It is not fear that one's opinions will rule over another but rather that we will die alone and friendless that makes people shove others away. Don't ask me why, it makes no sense to me either.

  13. i don't like to see anyone hurt, especially good friends like you kj. it's a gift to ourselves when we can find it in our hearts to love the ones who deserve it the least.

    thank goodness for today, it was great right? (channeling dear renee).something else she taught,
    i love you dear friend.

  14. I don't know when the world will right itself. None too soon I'd imagine. Funny how you mentioned fractions. I wrote a short bit last night...

    "You are fractions.
    I receive pieces that wander
    within new math
    they do not belong
    I can smell the mold on that
    which attempts to be fresh.

    Fresh has no quorum
    the jury is dead locked.
    I fold white paper towels over black leaves
    and place you in the crisper,
    though unbelieveing
    in a resurrection."

    I just came to me while writing a piece about someone who has harmed us at work, who has hurt my friends deeply.

    Hind sight. Could we have seen what came before it smacked us between the eyes? We like to think so. But in truth...probably not.


  15. Ah, love can indeed be a blinding force. I could write a book about my own poor vision!

    I remember being attacked and scorned by that very blogger. And leaving. I don't need to bring that into my own life. I think of my blog community as my sangha and those who find my liberal take on the world wander off pretty quickly, as I wander away from blogs that don't suit me. But I while I might criticize a politician or new source, I would not take on a fellow blogger of any stripe. It's just so unnecessary.

  16. who knows kj. some live and learn and some just live.
    Eyes wide open, loving all.
    Love is the only way.
    the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Or something like that. I know you know what I mean.
    It is time for a difference and bigotry in any form is not working.
    Choose what resonates with your thoughts, love, and soul!
    Blessings all over you dear one.

  17. A mean spirited person will always in the end hurt themselves and rob both themselves and others of joy. It is hard to recognise this characteristic when so often it lies beneath layers of charm, and that mystical ennui that some very talented people seem to have.

    Sharon is right ... we need more Renees. Real friends are such a blessing xx