'Someone's Dog'

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You know how there are some wake-up moments in life when you can't pretend or hope anymore? Some months ago I had one of those moments lying on the floor with my dog Stella.
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Stella came to our home with a broken back. She had been rescued from the streets after a few months of what I imagine for her was utter confusion. It took almost two years before we could touch her without her tightening up. She is the first dog I have ever had who has a real dog bed, bought to make her orthopedic problems more comfortable. It is her safe haven and she loves it.
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Maybe because of her orthopedic problems or because she had never been a house dog , you have to lie down on the floor with Stella to cuddle and get physically close. Sometimes I just lie there with her, rubbing her neck and ears, and I tell her that she is forever safe and loved here. I tell her there will always be cookies.
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I remember someone else lying down with Stella. She had been afraid of dogs and she and Stella broke bread together in that lovely dog-human sort of way. I remember how gentle Stella was with her each time, how sweet and soft and patient.
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One day Stella stopped being Stella and instead was called 'someone's dog'. When I saw her referenced in that way, first I froze in disbelief and then I reluctantly understood.
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"She called you 'someone's dog." I am lying beside Stella on the floor on her bed and I whisper, "Stella, you are a wonderful dog. I won't let words like that find me anymore."
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Today Stella underwent tests for a small lump in her leg and a sudden limp that hasn't gone away. It is a mast cell tumor which must be removed. She is an old girl and we are not yet certain that the cancer has not spread, but we are told she has a reasonable chance for an excellent recovery.
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Before the test results were back, I spent today worrying about the worse possibility. I am hopeful tonight and we will take it one step at a time.
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I lay with Stella again tonight, we two stretched out on her bed, and I remembered that other moment. "'Someone's dog', my ass", I said. She will never be 'someone's dog'. She is Stella, MY dog. She is loyal to the ends of the earth and I maybe that's why I love dogs so much. In my world loyalty has the weight of gold. Within reason. Dogs know that. And so do I.
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