Animal Wednesday: Emily's Rabbit's New Year Resolutions

Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. I am sitting here on kj's computer ready to write out my New Year's Revolutions. I don't usually do that but this year I have been motivated because I have this story that I write every week and I got arrested this last year and then I had fun on vacation with my friends Gregory Squirrel and Muck, Truck and F--k Duck (kj told me I can't say that word on her blog but isn't that ridiculous because that is F--k Duck's name and it's not his fault his mother named him that so it's certainly not my fault that is his name).

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Anyway, here are my New Year's Revolutions:

.1. Exercise my legs and feet more so when I fall on the floor crying and kicking my feet in the air I will have more strength and be able to do it for longer because the longer I cry and have a temper tantrum like that the more likely I might end up getting my way, although this doesn't always work because sometimes I end up getting punished, but I still think it's a good idea to have strong legs and feet just in case.

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2. Save some money that no one else knows about and don't spend any of it on jellybeans because then if I am ever arrested again (it was not my fault!) I will be able to pay my own bail money and then kj won't be able to lecture me that I should not have had a temper tantrum in front of the Church Board Members and then the Police Officers. (That wasn't my fault either and really it was not fun when I was arrested because I got scared even though I tried not to show it).

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3. Get that Marshmallows pellet gun that kj's friend Susan suggested and practice shooting marshmallows instead of frozen peas and brussels sprouts all the time. If the marshmallows don't sound as good when they hit something, tham the same part of this revolution is that I will experiment with new frozen vegetables, like long carrots or sliced green peppers (spears maybe?). You can't always get frozen peas, you know: you might think that it is easy for me to come up with the right frozen vegetables all the time but the truth is I have to work at it sometimes and if I had a wider variety it would be easier for me especially when I was mad and had to throw something fast.

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4. I am going to give lessons on how to roll down hills because I can tell too many people are too uptight and probably out of shape and even worse, total scardy cats to start rolling anywhere, not in the living room or on the bed or even in the bathtub, let alone down a hill. So I am thinking I might charge a small fee which I will put in my secret savings (see above get-out-of-jail fund) and show everyone who wants to learn how to loosen up and roll roll roll. If you think this is a bad idea, ask yourself how many times you worry when you could be rolling down a hill instead and that will tell you the right answer.

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5. I am going to always be nice to my best friend Marianne., who is always nice to me even though her family thinks she is strange to be friends with a rabbit, especially best friends. I sent her a mug for Christmas and I knew she would like it and she did. She put it in her cabinet with her dishes and I think it will make her smile every time she sees it because who else would you think of but me when you look at this mug? Besides, when she has hot chocolate in it she will see my little ears pop up and won't that be the most fun?

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6. If any one hurts my feelings next year I am going to immediately stomp my feet and tell them they are mean. If that doesn't work I am going to ask them to apologize because they hurt my feelings. If that doesn't work I am either going to cry (just little whimpers at first) or yell at them to get lost until they can be nice to me. If that doesn't work I am going to either cry (loud from my stomach at this point) or I am going to just leave and tell myself I do not deserve to have any one who isn't nice to me around me. I think this is very good advice for not just me so you might think about adding this to your New Year's Revolutions too.

7. I am going to ask everyone in kj's neighborhood if I can just take the carrots and radishes from their gardens whenever I want to so I won't have to steal them. If they say no, see # 6 above.

8. I am also thinking about giving lessons on how to tell certain people (it might work on animals too, I'm not sure) how to get lost, take a hike, disappear, go to hell even (I hope kj does not read this because I think this is a swear word too, right?) Even though I am more sensitive than you might think, I know my limits and I don't mind being nice to myself especially when someone else should be nice to me but they are not, so what else can you do in that situation except blame yourself or tell the other person to get lost etc. Even though I am little I think it is not very good for me to blame myself too much, right? So if you want lessons let me know, but maybe if you just practice this first you won't even need lessons.

9. Another revolution is that I would like to learn to throw pots and pans against walls. And maybe eggs too.

10. And my last revolution for 2010, only because I am not 100% selfish, just 90%, is that kj gets everything she wants: that her friend Renee has a healthy year, that there is peace in Iran, that kj's lost friend decides she doesn't have to pretend anymore that they didn't love each other, that kj finishes her second book, and that kj's family and friends prosper and are silly. (kj wants alot, don't you think?, but I don't mind making a revolution for her this one time.)

Oh, I am not going to draw who wins me as a guest columnist until next week. I know I am putting it off but sometimes even little rabbits get preoccupied. Oh, and another thing, if you want to tell me the word is "Resolutions" and not "Revolutions", that is okay but I still like my way better.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.

Yours truly,

Emily Rabbit