Animal Wednesday: How to Cry: by Emily Rabbit

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First of all, I had a very good week. I got jelly beans in the mail from Ms. Lololo and Ms. Chewy, and my best friend Marianne is sending me a mandala that kj likes so I can sell it to her and then have money to buy whatever I want! Then Ms. Bella is sending me 25 pounds of jellies on a slow boat from China (is China the same as Japan? And did she say 25 pounds?) And Ms. Bella and Ms. Human Being and my best friend Marianne left extra comments so I could reach 50 but I didn't anyway and I don't care because I took the $ 5 from kj even though she didn't know I did. And then I left this 'thank you' on the kitchen floor for the jelly beans and extra comments and it was nice until kj tried to make her coffee and when I yelled at her not to step on the jelly beans she tripped over Stella and messed everything up. I cried for five minutes.

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So far I like writing every week because I am getting a lot of attention and everyone has been nice to me. Well, I think I might irritate a couple of people and normally who cares, but since everyone is mostly nice, I am going to be mostly nice back. Until further notice.

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Since kj made me cry, this week I thought I would give you a lesson in how to cry really well. I notice that grown up people are not good at this. They either pretend they are not crying and try to wipe their eyes with a kleenex or something, hoping nobody is noticing, which is very silly because who wouldn't notice if you are wiping your eyes, or they cry by themselves when no one else is looking, or they cry because they blame themselves for something when they would feel a lot better if they just blamed someone else instead.

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I am very good at crying so here are some tips that will definitely help you:

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Number 1: How to Cry

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1. Take a deep breath because you want to cry from deep in your stomach. If you are going to cry you should do it right.

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2. Start with a BOO-HOO.

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3. Then add another BOO-HOO and then a BOO-HOO-HOO.

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4. Repeat this several times and get louder each time until you sound loud and pathetic at the same time:

BOO HOO BOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO.

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5. Don't stop until you get either enough attention or your way

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6. If someone yells at you, ignores you, or tells you to stop crying, cry louder.

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I guarantee that you will feel better if you cry from your stomach like this. You can also punch a pillow, throw an egg, or bang a pan at the same time you cry because sometimes doing something extra helps even more.

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Number 2: Top 10 Reasons to Cry:

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1. You don't get your way

2. Some mean person hurts your feelings

3. Some nice person hurts your feelings

4. You want candy and you don't have any

5. Someone steals your toys

6. You're supposed to share and you don't want to

7. You're not getting enough attention

8. You get sick and it's not fair

9.You don't want to go to school (or work) (or bed) (or anywhere)

10. Someone tells you you are not nice

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It would be very nice if you could tell me some reasons that you cry. Or if you don't cry, you could tell me some reasons why you should cry even though you don't. I think other people would be interested in hearing your reasons too, and maybe they will like my blog day better if you do that and then maybe kj will give me the $ 5 without threatening me that I don't get enough comments.

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I hope you have a good week and thank you very much for liking me. It makes me think I am a special rabbit, and I like thinking that way.

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Sincerely,

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Emily V. V. Rabbit