Animal Wednesday: Arrested Development

DISRUPTIVE RABBIT JAILED FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT

At the Thursday afternoon meeting of the Congregational Church Board of Directors, board members were discussing fundraising efforts for the third Annual "Jesus Saves and Moses Invests" campaign when an unidentified rabbit approached each person in the room, including children under the age of five, in an attempt to solicit the sale the rabbit pellets, which said rabbit described as multi-colored beads that could be used for jewelry, wedding gifts, or coffee table displays.

When said rabbit failed to sell the prepackaged pellets and was asked to take a seat, she threw herself on the floor and made herself as heavy as an acme anchor. Despite the efforts of two policeman and one janitor, the rabbit was totally unmovable. When efforts to reason with said rabbit failed she was forcibly removed and taken to police headquarters where she was booked and placed in a holding cell.

After several hours of interrogation, during which time the rabbit continued to cry at a decimal level police described as 'shrieking', a long distance call was received by a female who identified herself as Bella Sinclair. Ms. Sinclair indicated that the rabbit in custody was in fact Emily V. V. Rabbit of Western Massachusetts USA. The content of Ms. Sinclair's call was not made public, but unidentified sources indicated that she assured police that Ms. Rabbit was not a threat to flee.

Shortly after Ms. Sinclair's phone call, another female who gave her name as kj presented herself at Police Headquarters and agreed to expedite bail proceedings by leaving a deposit of $ 50 in exchange for Ms. Rabbit's release.

Emily Rabbit was escorted from the police holding cell by an elderly matron who reported that she continued to cry, sob, and complain at a very loud level until she reached ms kj, at which time she stomped both feet and shouted, "This is NOT my fault! We have to sue!" The elderly matron further added that Ms. Rabbit had appeared to use her stomach for auditory effect throughout her confinement with a resultant BOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO that after forty minutes forced the police department clerical and administrative staff to vacate the building for an early lunch.

Ms. Rabbit is scheduled to appear before Judge Judy Jacquel on May 25th to face charges of disorderly conduct, attempted bribe of a police officer, and assault and battery which incurred when Ms. Rabbit's feet kicked several passers by while she was pounding her fists on the floor. If convicted she faces 15 days in jail or a fine of $ 300. When questioned by the local newspaper, Ms. Rabbit stated, "I am totally innocent. I threw myself on the floor and made myself as heavy as an acme anchor at the advice of a very good friend and professional psychologist, and she will testify on my behalf that this was not my fault and I should be paid for pain and suffering."

Further details will be provided as they become available.