Animal Wednesday: Free at Last!

Illustration by Sudio Lolo

CHARGES DROPPED AGAINST DEFIANT RABBIT

Boo-B00-Hoo-Boo-Hoo-Hoo-Boo-Hoo.

I am still crying. I'll tell you why at the end.

It pays to have friends in high places. There I was in jail crying and kicking my feet in the air and pounding my paws on the ground when kj showed up and paid $ 50 to get me out. But she gave me dirty looks all the way home and she is still complaining that I shouldn't have tried to sell my rabbit pellets at a church meeting in the first place. I think she is wrong but I didn't say anything because I felt just a little bad that she had to leave her dinner party to come to the jail to pay my bail and then she had to drive me home and pretend she was not 100% mad at me so I wouldn't cry even more.

Then Ms. Bella said I was a minor and she would tell the police I was mentally incompetent.

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And Ms. Renee said I should have told the church people I was there for a same-sex marriage (which rabbits don't ask permission about: rabbits do what they want) (at least that what my mother says).

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My best friend Marianne told me to go to San Francisco and sell my pellets to a lady with a shopping bag and sore feet, knees and back (the lady, not the shopping bag).

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Chewy said I should sue for man handling (rabbit handling) and Sonia, Deborah Kay and Babs gave me business advice about how to make money selling my pellets.

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Bimbimbie suggested I threaten that I was a rabid rabbit.

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And lololo directed me to call 1-800-bailmyass.

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All of these ideas were very nice. I didn't listen to any of them (yet) because kj said the police and the church will drop the charges if I say I am sorry and promise not to solicit in any churches anymore. I agreed to this when kj told me I would not have to pay back the $ 50 if I gave her the beautiful mandala my best friend Marianne sent me. She really likes that mandala. So I agreed and then I talked to lololo on the telephone and told her I was a happy rabbit again and she asked me how happy.

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I told her I was so happy I was jumping up and down throwing flowers in the air. lololo told me I sounded jubilant. Then she painted how I felt. After having to put up with kj's sketches of me for all these weeks, isn't this the cutest picture of me you've ever seen? Don't I look jubilant?

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Because that is why I am crying again. BOO-HOO-BOO-HOO-BOO-BOO-BOO. I am crying because that was very nice and very sweet of lololo, and I am crying because there are very nice and very sweet people on these blogs. And even though I still want to make money and definitely should be paid for writing this every week, I like knowing so many nice and sweet people. I like it so much it makes me cry.

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The next time I get in trouble, which will probably be by the 4th of July, I know I have friends in high places. So first I will cry sad tears and then I will cry glad tears.

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Sincerely yours,

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Emily V. V. Rabbit