Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Animal Wednesday: Emily's Rabbit's New Year Resolutions

Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. I am sitting here on kj's computer ready to write out my New Year's Revolutions. I don't usually do that but this year I have been motivated because I have this story that I write every week and I got arrested this last year and then I had fun on vacation with my friends Gregory Squirrel and Muck, Truck and F--k Duck (kj told me I can't say that word on her blog but isn't that ridiculous because that is F--k Duck's name and it's not his fault his mother named him that so it's certainly not my fault that is his name).
Anyway, here are my New Year's Revolutions:

.1. Exercise my legs and feet more so when I fall on the floor crying and kicking my feet in the air I will have more strength and be able to do it for longer because the longer I cry and have a temper tantrum like that the more likely I might end up getting my way, although this doesn't always work because sometimes I end up getting punished, but I still think it's a good idea to have strong legs and feet just in case.
2. Save some money that no one else knows about and don't spend any of it on jellybeans because then if I am ever arrested again (it was not my fault!) I will be able to pay my own bail money and then kj won't be able to lecture me that I should not have had a temper tantrum in front of the Church Board Members and then the Police Officers. (That wasn't my fault either and really it was not fun when I was arrested because I got scared even though I tried not to show it).
3. Get that Marshmallows pellet gun that kj's friend Susan suggested and practice shooting marshmallows instead of frozen peas and brussels sprouts all the time. If the marshmallows don't sound as good when they hit something, tham the same part of this revolution is that I will experiment with new frozen vegetables, like long carrots or sliced green peppers (spears maybe?). You can't always get frozen peas, you know: you might think that it is easy for me to come up with the right frozen vegetables all the time but the truth is I have to work at it sometimes and if I had a wider variety it would be easier for me especially when I was mad and had to throw something fast.
4. I am going to give lessons on how to roll down hills because I can tell too many people are too uptight and probably out of shape and even worse, total scardy cats to start rolling anywhere, not in the living room or on the bed or even in the bathtub, let alone down a hill. So I am thinking I might charge a small fee which I will put in my secret savings (see above get-out-of-jail fund) and show everyone who wants to learn how to loosen up and roll roll roll. If you think this is a bad idea, ask yourself how many times you worry when you could be rolling down a hill instead and that will tell you the right answer.
5. I am going to always be nice to my best friend Marianne., who is always nice to me even though her family thinks she is strange to be friends with a rabbit, especially best friends. I sent her a mug for Christmas and I knew she would like it and she did. She put it in her cabinet with her dishes and I think it will make her smile every time she sees it because who else would you think of but me when you look at this mug? Besides, when she has hot chocolate in it she will see my little ears pop up and won't that be the most fun?


6. If any one hurts my feelings next year I am going to immediately stomp my feet and tell them they are mean. If that doesn't work I am going to ask them to apologize because they hurt my feelings. If that doesn't work I am either going to cry (just little whimpers at first) or yell at them to get lost until they can be nice to me. If that doesn't work I am going to either cry (loud from my stomach at this point) or I am going to just leave and tell myself I do not deserve to have any one who isn't nice to me around me. I think this is very good advice for not just me so you might think about adding this to your New Year's Revolutions too.

7. I am going to ask everyone in kj's neighborhood if I can just take the carrots and radishes from their gardens whenever I want to so I won't have to steal them. If they say no, see # 6 above.

8. I am also thinking about giving lessons on how to tell certain people (it might work on animals too, I'm not sure) how to get lost, take a hike, disappear, go to hell even (I hope kj does not read this because I think this is a swear word too, right?) Even though I am more sensitive than you might think, I know my limits and I don't mind being nice to myself especially when someone else should be nice to me but they are not, so what else can you do in that situation except blame yourself or tell the other person to get lost etc. Even though I am little I think it is not very good for me to blame myself too much, right? So if you want lessons let me know, but maybe if you just practice this first you won't even need lessons.

9. Another revolution is that I would like to learn to throw pots and pans against walls. And maybe eggs too.

10. And my last revolution for 2010, only because I am not 100% selfish, just 90%, is that kj gets everything she wants: that her friend Renee has a healthy year, that there is peace in Iran, that kj's lost friend decides she doesn't have to pretend anymore that they didn't love each other, that kj finishes her second book, and that kj's family and friends prosper and are silly. (kj wants alot, don't you think?, but I don't mind making a revolution for her this one time.)

Oh, I am not going to draw who wins me as a guest columnist until next week. I know I am putting it off but sometimes even little rabbits get preoccupied. Oh, and another thing, if you want to tell me the word is "Resolutions" and not "Revolutions", that is okay but I still like my way better.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.

Yours truly,

Emily Rabbit


  1. these are whoppers of revolutions (I like that much better than res) and I do hope they come true for you Emily and KJ and everyone you wished good things for.

  2. afterall,suki, my name is emily v.v. rabbit, so saying reVolutions is just right, right? i hope you have a good year too. kj said you are going to include PASSION in your new year and i can tell you, even though i'm little and not ready for certain kinds of PASSION, it's a good thing. ps. throw peas when needed, suki, don't forget.


    e. r.

  3. Dear Emily,

    Did you think I was going to correct you? I like revolutions because I think it suits you.

    I'm not editing posts anymore because it seems I screw up enough of them myself ;P
    That's what KJ smarty pants told me.

    I know what else you can shoot....those little frozen pearl onions! And then if you shoot someone in the eye they'll cry from the impact as well as the onion! Oh, that wasn't a very nice thought. I take it back.

    I like how you look on the computer. I love the rainbow peace sign. It's certainly not as clever as peas on earth but it's still pretty.

    I haven't done a post about my resolutions yet. I have to think about it a bit longer although I'm pretty sure it's going to be all about taking better care of myself.

    That was a stupendous column Emily. You inspire me!


  4. Someone said mean things to a Facebook friend of mine. I will send her #6. (if you allow me too - please?) Maybe she will take it as her New Year's Revolution.

    I wish all your wishes and revolutions come true. I must finally quit smoking for my revolution.

  5. rolling down hills is so important...Emily said she was making a "revolution" for you...this made me giggle...I wish you all the best KJ and look forward to a year of love and laughter together.

    much love

  6. Emily, I hope KJ gets everything she wants to!

  7. lololo, frozen pearl onions!!!! that is wonderful. thank you so much!!! i am sneaking them on the grocery list right away!!! you should make sure your revolutions include having fun with kj. we both know she is fun at least some of the time.

    chewy, yes, yes, send her # 6 right away. let me know if you need help. oh and chewy, kj quit smoking years back and she looks better and she doesn't complain about it anymore. you should be able to find plenty of good other vices instead, right? :)

    stacey, you really want to talk to kj and not me, right? so i am sending her over to your blog, which she likes alot you know, but i will tell her happy new year from you this one time. ps i like the part about love and laughter.

    tamika, you hope kj gets everything she wants???? what about ME tamika?! i should get what i want first, don't you think? i am just a little rabbit afterall, and i tried to make my revolutions reasonable....


    emily r.

  8. emily you can come and dig up carrots from my garden any time you want to, and i love the new header and i love you and kj, and happy noo year to you

  9. That's quite a wish list at the end, but I'm wishing it with you.

  10. ms. soulbrush, thank you for the garden carrots. how will i get to your house? do i need directions?

    ms. secret agent, isn't that the truth? kj wants alot. maybe your wishing will help her. she told me she is wishing for your list too.

    emily r.

  11. Oh Emily you cute rabbit you.

    I think I forgot to tell you that I love the picture of kj below.

    And that her and JB are a gorgeous couple.

    Love Renee xoxo

  12. If only we all knew how to immediately tell someone when they were being mean instead of pretending we did not notice! A worthy resolution indeed!

  13. wOW what a list of resolutions!
    Hi it's me Marianne, writing you from Vancouver. I will celebrate New Year's eve under the same blue moon as you
    haven't thought about resolutions yet.....maybe I should.
    What I don like about them is the risk to disappoint myself!
    I like yours though, maybe I can borrough a few from you!
    Did you like my picture with your cup? Doesn't it look great?!
    Next week I hope to make a TT post and show ll my special gifts on my blog.
    On the door of the cabinet there is a little hanger from Lolo so you are in good company.
    Today I will do some shopping.
    I don know what I need but I know when I see it!
    I made this one up during breakfast.
    Tonight I will celebrate New Years Eve with colleagues. Butunder the same blue moon as all my loved ones. You are one of them!


  14. renee, kj likes it when you tell her she's cute. her head turns a certain way and her chest gets puffy.

    ms. meredith, i told kj that the sooner she says something the better. it's the fuming and stewing that gets everyone in trouble, right?

    marianne, i love your picture of your cup! happy new year. i think you should just make one revolution--see # 6 of mine.

    yours truly,

  15. Thanks I will think of the #6 but in fact I already do that. My Mom always taught me not to let anyone poo in my pocket (directly translated from Dutch so it probably doesn make sense in English.....)

    I let you know as soon ass I come up with a good one


  16. I like your way better too Emily. I'm OK about rolling down hills, but I shall adopt #10. Just because. xx Jos