Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Animal Wednesday: Arrested Development


At the Thursday afternoon meeting of the Congregational Church Board of Directors, board members were discussing fundraising efforts for the third Annual "Jesus Saves and Moses Invests" campaign when an unidentified rabbit approached each person in the room, including children under the age of five, in an attempt to solicit the sale the rabbit pellets, which said rabbit described as multi-colored beads that could be used for jewelry, wedding gifts, or coffee table displays.

When said rabbit failed to sell the prepackaged pellets and was asked to take a seat, she threw herself on the floor and made herself as heavy as an acme anchor. Despite the efforts of two policeman and one janitor, the rabbit was totally unmovable. When efforts to reason with said rabbit failed she was forcibly removed and taken to police headquarters where she was booked and placed in a holding cell.

After several hours of interrogation, during which time the rabbit continued to cry at a decimal level police described as 'shrieking', a long distance call was received by a female who identified herself as Bella Sinclair. Ms. Sinclair indicated that the rabbit in custody was in fact Emily V. V. Rabbit of Western Massachusetts USA. The content of Ms. Sinclair's call was not made public, but unidentified sources indicated that she assured police that Ms. Rabbit was not a threat to flee.

Shortly after Ms. Sinclair's phone call, another female who gave her name as kj presented herself at Police Headquarters and agreed to expedite bail proceedings by leaving a deposit of $ 50 in exchange for Ms. Rabbit's release.

Emily Rabbit was escorted from the police holding cell by an elderly matron who reported that she continued to cry, sob, and complain at a very loud level until she reached ms kj, at which time she stomped both feet and shouted, "This is NOT my fault! We have to sue!" The elderly matron further added that Ms. Rabbit had appeared to use her stomach for auditory effect throughout her confinement with a resultant BOO HOO BOO HOO HOO BOO HOO HOO HOO that after forty minutes forced the police department clerical and administrative staff to vacate the building for an early lunch.

Ms. Rabbit is scheduled to appear before Judge Judy Jacquel on May 25th to face charges of disorderly conduct, attempted bribe of a police officer, and assault and battery which incurred when Ms. Rabbit's feet kicked several passers by while she was pounding her fists on the floor. If convicted she faces 15 days in jail or a fine of $ 300. When questioned by the local newspaper, Ms. Rabbit stated, "I am totally innocent. I threw myself on the floor and made myself as heavy as an acme anchor at the advice of a very good friend and professional psychologist, and she will testify on my behalf that this was not my fault and I should be paid for pain and suffering."

Further details will be provided as they become available.


  1. What Ms. Rabbit has had to go through at the hands of those holy rollers. She should have just stated that she wanted a same sex marriage and they would have thrown her out on her bunny tale fast enough.

    There would have been no need for the police to remove her then.

    If she has Bella Sinclair represented her, they won't touch a 'hare' on her head.

    Thank you for your beautiful comment kj. It really touched my heart.

    Love Renee xoxo

  2. Oh Emily........ I came immediately! But what can I do for you now?
    Too bad I am not a lawyer, then we would sew them for their last penny!
    You did nothing illegal there
    Well I am glad you are back home again.
    I just think it was bad luck, you picked the wrong meeting, these people only know how to raise money and funds, You better take your "beads" somewhere else.
    Go to San Francisco, walk on Market street, if you see a lady there with big shopping bags, a huge jet lag,pain in feet, knees and back, approach her. I know she will buy just about anything.
    She will be the perfect victim. Try to look for people who are already spending money.Kids under 5 only cost money!
    Well I go to bed now after a 10 hour flght and a shopping marathon to stay awake, I am half death .......
    Sweet dreams we talk later
    your friend in SF

  3. Oh, Emily, Emily. Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids. I mean, maybe the acme anchor trick works better for hoooman kids. So sorry.

    Well, my dear. The police cannot hold you like that. You are a minor, are you not? And if you cannot verify your age, then certainly between Miss KJ and myself, we can vouch that you are mentally incompetent to stand trial. You need a good lawyer. Is there a lawyer in da house???

  4. OH MY!!!!

    (Jesus saves and Moses Invests??? - I love it)

    Emily, emily, emily.....silly wabbit.
    Actually Em, I'm really likin' you. You've got an adorable personality with just enought cuteness to make you cute and just enought silliness to make you "just-odd-enough-for-me".
    Happy Animal Wednesday Emily -

    (Gonna get the wabbit, gonna get the wabbit)

  5. Jeffrey Fieger for the defense says I.

  6. What can I do for you, Emily? I am so far away and I have no knowledge of your legal system. I think it best that you put your trust in Ms KJ. She will know what is the best thing to do. It is a wise and utterly outstanding human being. I know that for sure. Take care, dearie and behave !

  7. Emily,
    Personally, I think selling rabbit pellets is a great fund raising idea! Clearly, you were exercising your rights in a non-violent sit-in until they man-handled you. You should sue those stupid church people for not accepting your idea and having you arrested. You should also thank kj for bailing you out.

  8. Emily...
    I agree with would have been bounced out....Selling beads..dont they know economically that everyone is hurting and having to get creative to make their money. Isnt the motto buy handmade?

    Sonia ;)

  9. Dear Emily,

    What a 'hare-raising' day you've had! I think if you had applied for a vendor's license before selling your 'beads' that may have taken care of the issue.
    I was thinking too, that calling them 'beads' was false advertising of a this case, a by-product ;) You're lucky they didn't nail you for misrepresentation. Sometimes they take advantage of rabbits not knowing all the stupid rules.

    You should keep your eyes open when you watch TV for those commercials that advertise the really good lawyers. I think the number is 1-800-bailmyass.
    Something like that!

    You're so lucky to have Bella Sinclair and KJ on your team!


  10. Emily, my human used to collect rabbit pellets. Called them compost. Maybe that's the angle you should go for. Love and stuff-Oliver the Parrot

  11. Emily!
    So glad you got bail,,,,you don't EVEN want to be in jail long enough to meet Big Bertha!

    Tip for next time when selling your wares: I hear Ebay is really great for all things *green*.
    Your beads qualify,,,,

  12. where's alice when you need her?

  13. Wow, Emily, you are in some kind of big trouble, but I am on your side and I know KJ will make it all go away.
    And I agree with whay Chewy said.

  14. Emily, I think you are being far too nice and polite. Change your tactics, look a little disheveled and hint that there's a rabid rabbit within your fur just waiting to be released should your palm not be crossed with a dollar*!*

  15. In what a world do we live if even rabbits go to jail ! :-(

  16. everyone,

    i will write back as soon as i stop crying and kicking. I AM INNOCENT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT LITTLE KID GOT KICKED IN THE FACE OR THAT THE OLD WOMAN TRIPPED OVER ME AND BROKE HER NOSE. and i ended up with no money from the whole thing.

    i may need help. i will let you know. meanwhile, i am practicing my crying including the acme anchor or whatever it is.



    ps. ms. lolo, bailmyass sounds good, but kj has not smiled one bit all day.


  17. A sex poll, sounds sexy to me.


  18. Oh dear, this Emily is Out Of Control! And my twisted mind can only come up with a little song they sing here (and prob. of british origin) "Run Rabbit, Run!"

    Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit,
    Run! Run! Run!
    Don't let the farmer get his
    Fun! Fun! Fun!
    He'll get by, without his Rabbit Pie, so...
    Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit,
    Run! Run! Run!
    Watch out for the farmer Emily!!!!

  19. Well I think KJ should have smiled at 1-800-bailmyass because I cracked myself up with that one :D

    Lighten the F up KJ!

    Love you both,

    PS...I see the sex poll has come up. Hmmmm. I'm not surprised!


    but just for now...i miss playing and getting in more trouble that is not my fault...

    yours truly,

  21. dr. bella, a sex pole?

    i haven't seen it. i'll see what i can find out.

    yours affectionately,