These days have been surreal. With the heaviest hearts, mourning the loss of precious children and their teachers and principal, yesterday JB and I bought a Christmas tree, strung bough and lights on our fence, put lights around a peace sign, cleaned up the garden, made cookies. It was a rare day without other demands, a quiet day appreciating these little acts and too, grieving not just the loss of life, but the reality that rising random violence chokes our communities and breaks our hearts.
It's a stressful unspeakable time in the world. I don't like to say that: I am an optimist and activist and I believe problems can be solved. But I too know there is now unsettled trouble in my country and in the world. Guns. Video violence. Not enough support for mental health. Stalemate.
And yet, we must live our lives.
How can I not be heartbroken? And yet I made cookies and decorated them and ate three and gave thanks. This is our human condition, don't you think so? We have reason to cry and we have reason to love.
Don't waste a moment.
love
kj
Light and love,
ReplyDeletelove and light,
Keep the two before us,
now and for always.
Thanks for this post. Words are hard when the heart is heavy.
It's good to know someone else understands. Thanks Kay
Deletexoxo
So true...I am going to try and get up the decorations inside so they can help brighten my life, too. And be thankful...
ReplyDeleteYes Teri, light and gratitude, good
DeleteXoxo
Do you know KJ, we can only do what we can do, and we must do those things, must Must MUST. We have a role in making our society, this global community of ours, what we want it to be. At the same time YES we also have to live our lives. In so doing I think we bring light into a dark dark situation because ... well ... if we can not bring light then who will in these dark times?
ReplyDeleteI love the cookies, Ha! note the bi-lingual use of language there :) I am sending you a special hug KJ. And love xx Jos
Yes jos; I agree. We must be the world we hope for. We must try. To me that means starting with our tiny worlds and reaching out communally, politically, even a kind nod in the grocery line. It all counts
DeleteI do feel I do my share. I am so glad I feel that way. And I hope I would act as selflessly and nobly as any one of those school adults
If I had children to protect.
Love love jos
kj
Oh yes....... My heart goes out to those who lost a loved one there .Innocent children brave teachers and their principle. My gosh it is just too much
ReplyDeleteWhen I took Felix to Rotterdam we talked about this tragic event in the car...... and a 15 year old girl who committed suicide here because she was bullied in school for so long..... It was nice to talk with him about this. I hope my children will grow up and stay positive and will contribute to a better world.
Yesterday was a day with all those mixed feeling I got the phone call I had been expecting for a while, while I was preparing a lunch for friends. A day with friends, laughter, Christmas presents, food, light etc and in my heart enough pain to cry but also enough light and things to be grateful about.
Beautiful post and pictures dear
♥M
You are a wonderful beautiful loving kind and very fun person, Marianne. Honestly you are one of the reasons there is light in my life even in the darkest times. Thank you. I hope you know...
DeleteI hope there is some comfort to these families knowing that their is collective grief from so many who too easily understand
And Felix. There is no doubt Felix will be a wise gentle man on this earth. His eyes sparkle and he laughs with such joy and his heart feels. He is his mother
Love
kj
Thanks dear!
DeleteBTW a package came today ;) I placed it under the tree
love
M
Ah, good :-)
Deletexoxo
yes, being alive and being human is filled with such times of great sadness yet still desire to continue on with loving presence. the sad and and beautiful comingled in our hearts and minds. thanks for sharing your lovely holiday traditions. peace, suki
ReplyDeleteNo one gets out without some sorrow at some time. I know that much. And yes suki a loving presence sees and performs miracles
DeleteBut this atrocity. How could it be? And why?
I wonder if the Mayans prophecy has now begun? Not toward fear and destruction, but toward transformation and healing
Marion said so...
Love
kj
It is simply not to understand for normal people how this enormous tragedy could happen. Innocent children and grownups.... dead just like that. We are shocked and let us all hope that there is a change in law going on about keeping guns at home.
ReplyDeleteLove your pictures and beautiful cookies.
Are they yummie too? :-)))
Just read the update 15/12 about Chase: great news!
Wieneke, those cookies are the yummiest. It's a great recipe. If you want it let me know
DeleteI hope there is an outcry here from all parts of the land. Violence like this in America? It's unbelievable, too many times. I know you understand. I love and appreciate you, wieneke xoxo
Your words and deeds are a comfort to me.
ReplyDeleteLove, love,
Sharon
Thank you Sharon.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have given you one cookie...
Love
kj
Yup, this is life. And we often move like this through grief, reminding ourselves of what we have to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteYour place looks beautiful!
Amy, I do that too but the overly sappy 'affirmations' drive me crazy. I could never say grief is wrapped by thankfulness.
Deletexoxo
kj
What...you ate all the cookies? You already know how I feel about it so i am not going to litter your blog with that but seriously you didn't leave even one cookie for Sharon?? Wow i guess thers no sense in asking you where's mine then is there? {;-[p}
ReplyDeleteNot one damn cookie left, mark. With icing on my face, I have no regret :-)
DeleteHappy holidays my friend
kj
The thing I have found after losing my mother is that the hardship and the blessing is that life does keep moving on.
ReplyDeleteIf we feel sad over what happened can you even imagine the families and how they are feeling right now, I don't think any of us can.
xoxo
Like a river, eh Annie, no one moment is the same. And yet the constants: love. Faith. Generosity. Etc.
DeleteI know there will be a missing space for you this time of year. And I know you will embrace everything around you
Love
kj
I watch and cry. I feel for those families - and feel for the family of the sad, troubled boy who lost his head and shot everyone. That boy needed help, but there is no place to get the help he needed. There is a lot that we - the citizens of this world - have to answer for during this time. I hope we begin to recognize the impact our decisions about cutting funding to mental health facilities/care/treatment are contributing to this kind of horrific violence.
ReplyDeleteIt's all so dreadfully sad.
I am trying to take some joy in the season, but it's hard. Yet, Annie is right - life goes on.
Hard for me too, Mim. Agonizing.
DeleteMy own opinion is that this is not only about or solved by mental health services. Exposure to Violence and video games and desensitization begin at such early ages and the exposure just keeps coming. So much is wrong...
So much to think about, to begin to change
Love always
kj
You hold in your heart those who are suffering and hold in your arms those you cherish. That's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteDid you make that gem up yourself, cs? How powerful .....
ReplyDeleteLove
kj
Sending love to you, kj. I have been thinking non-stop about all of these things. My heart is so heavy, and yet I am Christmas shopping. It is surreal. xox
ReplyDeletePam, I think you and I are similar in many ways, feeling and processing and humor and showing up anyway, for starts xoxo
ReplyDeleteEveryone writes so eloquently about this topic. I agree with all of them. I do love CS's words :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you ate all the cookies because I wouldn't want frosting on mine :P
Or sugar sprinkles. Just plain, unadulterated cookies!
Back to the Newtown tragedy for a second, I do think it will be hard for any of the families to move forward or feel joy for quite some time. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around it, so, like you, I decorate and find small joys in my life to be grateful for. And there are many.
xoxo
See you soon!
Lo♥