“Mom, I can’t come tonight. Macy’s having a sleepover. And Andy says he’s not coming if I don’t”.
.
Alex hesitated and closed her eyes. This was to be the first time her children would visit her and Lily together and Amy was begging out.
.
“Well, honey,” Alex said, “Okay, how about lunch here tomorrow?”
Alex hesitated and closed her eyes. This was to be the first time her children would visit her and Lily together and Amy was begging out.
.
“Well, honey,” Alex said, “Okay, how about lunch here tomorrow?”
.
“No,Mom." Amy’s tone was exasperating and punishing. “You know I have practice tomorrow”.
.
“Honey, I need to see you guys at least twice a week. That’s what your dad and I worked out”.
“No,Mom." Amy’s tone was exasperating and punishing. “You know I have practice tomorrow”.
.
“Honey, I need to see you guys at least twice a week. That’s what your dad and I worked out”.
.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you left us Mom”. Alex can hear the crack in Amy’s voice.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you left us Mom”. Alex can hear the crack in Amy’s voice.
.
“Amy”, Alex said. Her voice was tender. “If it’s ok with Dad, Lily could drop me off Sunday morning and we could have breakfast as a family. Would that be okay?”
“Amy”, Alex said. Her voice was tender. “If it’s ok with Dad, Lily could drop me off Sunday morning and we could have breakfast as a family. Would that be okay?”
.
“But Dad said you aren’t strong enough to come back and forth.”
“But Dad said you aren’t strong enough to come back and forth.”
.
“This I can do, honey"
“This I can do, honey"
.
“Alright” Amy said.
“Alright” Amy said.
.
“But Amy, you and your brother will come here for dinner next Wednesday, okay?”
“But Amy, you and your brother will come here for dinner next Wednesday, okay?”
.
“Yes, okay Mom. I guess so.” Amy was trying. She was furious and confused, too young to accept the bizarre juggling her mother’s decision had forced upon her, but she was trying.
“Yes, okay Mom. I guess so.” Amy was trying. She was furious and confused, too young to accept the bizarre juggling her mother’s decision had forced upon her, but she was trying.
.
“And Amy…”
“And Amy…”
.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah?”
.
“Do not smoke or drink tonight. Don’t even think about it. Your father and I will ground you for five years if you do.”
“Do not smoke or drink tonight. Don’t even think about it. Your father and I will ground you for five years if you do.”
.
“Yes, Mom”. Alex knew that Amy was smiling at this, affectionately tolerating her mother’s nagging guidance.
“Yes, Mom”. Alex knew that Amy was smiling at this, affectionately tolerating her mother’s nagging guidance.
.
“And Amy,” Alex said.
“And Amy,” Alex said.
.
“What, Mom? I gotta go”.
“What, Mom? I gotta go”.
.
“You’re still my favorite daughter.” Sensing Amy’s impatience, Alex paused only a millisecond longer.“And honey” she said, “Try to be patient for now, Okay?”
“You’re still my favorite daughter.” Sensing Amy’s impatience, Alex paused only a millisecond longer.“And honey” she said, “Try to be patient for now, Okay?”
.
“Okay,” Amy said. “Love you. Bye!”
.
Alex held the receiver to her cheek, her face falling slowly into her chest, uncontrollable tears welling up and spilling onto her Arizona sweatshirt.
“Okay,” Amy said. “Love you. Bye!”
.
Alex held the receiver to her cheek, her face falling slowly into her chest, uncontrollable tears welling up and spilling onto her Arizona sweatshirt.
.
She walked into Lily’s study, now rearranged to accommodate her arrival, and picked up the photo of Andy and Amy posing at the summit of Mt. Katadin, grinning back at her without a care in the world. The photo was taken a few months before they learned their mother had stage 3 lung cancer, before their family fell apart, before all hell broke loose.
She walked into Lily’s study, now rearranged to accommodate her arrival, and picked up the photo of Andy and Amy posing at the summit of Mt. Katadin, grinning back at her without a care in the world. The photo was taken a few months before they learned their mother had stage 3 lung cancer, before their family fell apart, before all hell broke loose.
.
“Help me God”, Alex whispered, "Please help me with this”.
“Help me God”, Alex whispered, "Please help me with this”.
.
A hour later Lily, entering the kitchen door holding two bags of groceries, found Alex red-eyed and sorrowful.
A hour later Lily, entering the kitchen door holding two bags of groceries, found Alex red-eyed and sorrowful.
.
“It’s the kids, Lily”. Alex said.
“It’s the kids, Lily”. Alex said.
.
“I know, honey” Lily said. “I know”.
“I know, honey” Lily said. “I know”.
Oh, there are ways to prevent these kinds of difficult situation but you know we must be ourselves and fulfill our needs.
ReplyDeleteLearning that things don't always go the way you want them to, is a hard one for everyone.
ReplyDeleteLearning that your parents are just people too, that's hard a one. Watching your kids learn it, yikes, that's pretty hard too.
ReplyDeleteOuch! I felt the pain here - on all three sides.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next chapter :]
Wanted to let you know that I am not finding the bouncing back and forth confusing. At least not yet!
ReplyDeletethese are complex issues, ces, made even more complex by an illness not of one's choosing. at least i see it that way...
ReplyDeleterm, yes....
debra kay, yes, just people.
miladysa, thank you once again.
gj, thanks a million for your feedback about the sequencing. that is so helpful to me.
KJ, I just shake my head, but the fact that it agitates me it is well written because it affects me. As much as I love you, I don't get the whole notion of abandoning one's duties and hurting the most vulnerable, the children. But I am not writing this story. I could just say a writing is a bunch of trash and not even comment or read. Next chapter please!
ReplyDeleteYes, I would like to read the whole story. I do not have any heroine yet, maybe the daughter and I feel terribly for the husband but that is because of who I am.
ReplyDeleteWhat a bittersweet chapter ... the bitterness of the hurt and confusion ... the sweetness of someone understanding that there is hurt and confusion before having to even say anything ... I'm with all who said "next chapter!" :)
ReplyDeleteAnd best of luck returning to work! I'd love to hear more. :)
Eke...Ugh...Ooohhhhh. Please do confirm this IS pure fiction. I found it hard to read & hard to stop...please let this be based on pure fiction!!!
ReplyDelete13 years ago, a dear friend passed from cancer leaving behind a 3 year old & 5 year old. She never wanted her children to see her that way. She wanted them to be able to run in the sun...and she wanted to able to run with them, but time didn't allow for that. Now, the oldest is having serious issues coming of age...feeling he spent his early childhood watching his mother fade away...so I think I can understand what Alex is preparing for...
Gees KJ, this story is very good. It's turning everyone's hide inside out just like it would do in real life.
ReplyDeleteces, i understand what you mean. i can't imagine leaving my daughter with her father for anything, but i know of two good women who did, because they HAD to. and they both ended up with loving wonderful relationships with loving wonderful kids. they never stopped being parents, not for a moment.
ReplyDeleteces, my heart breaks for mike and amy too....
melissa, i worry about some of the sadness of this story sometimes....the next chapter should be soon..
slb, this is a work of fiction. still, i've had a few (!) friends who've died from illness and had to leave their kids. it isn't right, it just isn't.
Oh, that's hard to read. It's such a difficult, difficult thing and kids react with a vengeance sometimes.
ReplyDeleteCES has me thinking. Is it reasonable to expect someone just out of highschool to plan their entire course of life? Or do you just start out in a certain direction and see where it takes you? Alex has a duty to her children, surely, but does that duty involve creating a world that isn't true just so they can't be shaken up? Change is part of life, and learning to deal with change is something we ought to teach our kids as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd the archetypical all sacrificing madonna/mother just teaches another generation of martyrs. Hell, the little buggers might as well just GNAW their way out of the womb if that's how it's going to be.
Ouch, I think I hurt myself!
LOL @ Debra Kay
ReplyDelete" Hell, the little buggers might as well just GNAW their way out of the womb if that's how it's going to be."
Is there another way for them to get out? Why didn't anyone tell me?!
;]
debra kay, i could hug you right now...
ReplyDeletemiladysa, hahaha!
I am not condoning martyrdom for anyone. That is a personal choice. I am talking about duty and obligation. Hell, if in the middle of the stream one decides to bail out, jump off the boat and leave her kids because she just saw her high school classmate on the river bank, what kind of lessons are we teaching our children? We are increasingly becoming a society of entitlement – “I am entitled to my own happiness.” That’s a bunch of bullshit when young children are involved. No wonder a lot of us end up neurotic or start shooting innocent people. Maybe she should wait for the kids to grow up older. We don’t have romance anymore, we just want carnal satisfaction. Why did she get married and had children in the first place? That means that homosexuality is a matter of personal choice and lifestyle then?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, there are people who plan their lives just out of high school, in fact a lot younger than the US high school graduates. Children in Asia graduate at a very young age and go to nursing and medical schools as young as 15 or 16. I was 15 and it certainly did not mess up my lifestyle. My sister graduated from college at 18. She changed professions from teaching to law later but she always knew she wanted to be a lawyer. It's a matter of expectation. We don't expect much from children these days. Why should we when we don't expect much from adults.
I do get what you are saying CES, I really do. But there has to be a balance between the self and the selfless. Teaching your child be rigid to choices that no longer work isn't teaching them things they need to know to adapt and survive.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, Alex might be doing a kind thing by teaching her kids to live without her while she's still around to intervene.
At some point, to grow and become adults, children have to learn to stand on their own, and make their own choices and mistakes.
I really don't see Alex' marriage as a mistake. She had some good years with hubby she had the children. She just sort of evolved outside that relationship.
Now MY style would be against infidelity. I would leave the relationship, say "it's just not working" and then sit back and listen to what a selfish flight beyotch I am for wanting more or different.
We simply cannot know where life is going to take us, and to refuse to go there is fearful and disrespectful of life.
I love what Kahlil Gibran said "your children are not your children, they are life's longing for itself". Sometimes as parents I think we forget that and fence in both ourselves and our kids.
(Oh, and I don't dislike kids-for pity sakes, I bawl like a child when a snake dies....)
ces, i don't see that alex's decision is impulsive: she is not jumping off the boat on a whim. and she HAS waited for her kids to be older. it seems she would have waited, perhaps forever, if she had not become ill. i do not believe for a moment that the relationship between lily and alex is about 'carnal satisfaction'. if that's all you see, i've done a very poor job of writing and developing these characters.
ReplyDeleteyour point of view is very valid, and the world would be a better place with more sacrifice and responsibility, but i hope my story reflects that good and well intentioned people sometimes change, and sometimes knowing what is best is not so easy.
i agree with debra kay: i would not want my daughter to sacrifice herself at all costs. i doubt such a decision would result in happiness for her children, her husband, or herself.
The characters are obviously working for us as real people or this discussion would not be taking place.
ReplyDeleteReal people do not live ideal lives, they make mistakes, fall in love and sometimes others are hurt in the process.
When I write I write about ghosts, hauntings, murder, angels etc. Some people would say I should not write about such things - they may object on religous or moral grounds. Infact, quite a few people have 'delinked' my blog because of the subject matter of my latest story.
Where would we be as a society if we only wrote about perfect people, families and situations? Would anyone want to read such stories?
KJ must write as her soul dictates even if some readers may think that the characters should behave differently.
Or am I speaking out of my rear end?
;-D
Milady is right. Writers should write the way they want to write and readers have a choice.
ReplyDeletekJ,
ReplyDeleteAlways a pleasure to read about Alex and Lily. Just the thing to ease me back into blogworld.
KJ!!!! I think this is the first time I have read about the type of cancer Alex has! It's a very sad chapter from many angles, reflecting the complexity ...
ReplyDeletemy eyes filled with tears...
ReplyDeletemmmm, this is just almost too close to home, too real to be fiction...And I feel a heartache so familiar that i almost can't watch....
ReplyDeleteBeautiful telling KJ.....