Mish Mash Splish Spalsh

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I feel like I've been away too long, which I kind of have since I've had one weekend in the tall big city and another in the rolling green country. I wasn't far from blogging and my friends here though. I thought of you every time I snapped my camera or came across something I couldn't wait to share.
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I'm writing this on Thursday night. Tomorrow JB and I are driving two hours to see how the spiffying up of my Mother's house is coming along, and Mr. Ryan and baby Mr. Drew are coming for the weekend. This will be total exhaustion. I say this from experience. But I am very excited. I am loving figuring out what I will and want to give/share/support/guide/love these two precious grandchildren of mine. Ryan is 3, Drew turned one in April. I don't know Drew as well as I know Ryan. So time with him is overdue and good.

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We will all walk to the park next door. There is a little water park, an electric train with little carriage cars, paddle boats, the river and fireplace sites. In a nearby town there is the Eric Carle Museum. There will be probably be pancakes made by me, books and puzzles on the couch, digging in dirt, pushing petunias into the ground. And I don't know what else yet. I am hoping my exhaustion does not take over until Sunday. I doubt that is in any way a realistic hope. :)
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Anyway, this is supposed to be a mish mash. Here goes:
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1. Clients: When I post about my clients, I don't do it to get compliments on what a good person I am to do this work. I appreciate the compliments, but honestly I'm more interested in whether what I share shines a light on something that is helpful to know, that might help you or someone else.
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So in this vein may I tell you that Lily turns 14 next week. Things are way better for her than they were a year ago; then she and her Mother were two of the poorest clients I had-- barely furniture in the apartment and no money for anything. Lily is not likely to make it past 8th grade. She doesn't even try and the schools she will go to are bad. Anyway, for her birthday I took her over the bridge five miles to Michael's Arts and Crafts Store. I told her she could buy

$ 10 worth of anything. This was a big trip for her. She was nervous when I seemed lost (I was). She had never heard of Michael's before. The whole thing was a smash success. When I took her home, she hugged me, said thank you, even stopped non-stop talking for two minutes. Here's what I hope: I hope she will remember this as one of those moments you always remember. (note: therapists are not really supposed to be taking clients to stores. I push the envelope. I think it's good therapy.)
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2. There are currently 31 stories and letters to Renee on the blog "Renee's Book of Love". I haven't written mine yet, and many others of Renee's friends haven't yet. I hope by Fall maybe we'll have 50 stories, or more. This is what I'm thinking to make a book out of this: I am going to take copies of some of Renee's posts to the local Cancer Connection. Then I'm going to ask them to endorse a local grant I will then apply to for $ 1000 to publish Renee's book.
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This is one of those things I am just trusting will get done one way or another. Thank you for the privilege, Ms. Renee. (note # 2: If you happen to be in love with Renee and you haven't contributed something in words or colors yet, please consider doing so. I think it will make you happy for years ahead.)
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& Wonderful talented amazing Caroline has given her permission to use this wonderful talented amazing watercolor for the cover of Renee's Book of Love

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3. Stella is feeling better, but she is not herself. The surgery took a lot out of her. She is afraid to walk in certain parts of the house. She needs towel changes on her bed. She won't come in my office or go out the back door. I think she will continue to improve. As for the tumor, it will likely come back but hopefully not soon. I hope not for two years anyway. This is a good dog. She tries as hard as she can, and she says thank you with her eyes.

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4. Friends: Don't they look like fun to hang out with?
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5. HELP! I only have so much time, and I don't know whether to work on my second book, promote my first one, or at least try to draw and paint. Please tell me what to do..... :)

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6. Sometimes at night the light in my house looks unreal. It might be the yellow walls, or my camera, but I don't think that's all of it.

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7. Do you think these signs are funny?

These are not city signs.

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8. I am going to Provincetown for 3 WEEKS in August. JB and I will have lots of company: (and possibly certain friends who make my heart sing). I hope I get five days alone to write. In Provincetown the words just seem to flow; I just have to keep up with them so I can write them down.

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Finally, if you've been reading this post too long already, lucky for you it's taking me too long to download or is it upload any more of my photos. So I will end here by clarifying that I still qualify as a bona fide confused seeker and I am not out of the emotional woods yet even though I concede that I may be and not know it.....
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Just saying...,
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Love
kj

Animal Wednesday: Advice from the Dearly Departed

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Hello! It's me, Emily
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I HAD to show you these Bunny Ears.

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Do you SEE them?

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They're Mine!

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While kj was in Vermont I visited my dearly departed Aunt Alfalfa; don't ask me how I managed to do that because it is a secret in the rabbit community and I would get in BIG trouble if I told. It would be worse than telling you how a magician pulls a rabbit from a hat and by the way sometimes the magician is too rough and it can really create ear aches, which if you've ever had one, is no fun and it's worse for rabbits as you might already imagine.

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Anyway, here I am visiting Aunt Alfalfa and she is giving me tips on abundance, mostly involving lollipops and jellybeans but some times just believing in it, and she is telling me she has never grown upside down cake and she thinks it's a long shot, and then, guess who I see right then and there?

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First I heard this sound: HAR HAR HAR

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Then I heard: "That lori ann is so fucking clever."

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Then I look at this happy woman with a huge grin and long grey hair and nice hands and she has giant wings that sway when she moves and she keeps saying 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' while she laughs (it is not my fault about saying that word because I just heard it not said it myself) and when she sees me she says, "Emily! Don't tell kj I said fuck in front of you. She doesn't need to know, HAR HAR HAR!"

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She looked at me straight on. "Jesus Christ, It's me, Emily. It's RENEE. I want you to do me several favors when you hop down from this cloud."

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"First, I want you to tell my family, especially Anqelique and Jacquie, that I am working on a way for them to hear me. Tell them there is so much love here in heaven I am going to send some down for spare use, not that they need it."

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"Second, I want you to tell kj to get a grip and keep it. Tell her I said, "She's not even worth it!" She'll know what I mean."

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"And third, I want you to tell everyone to go to Lori's blog http://loritimesfive.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment even though her offer to donate a dollar for each comment expired already. Leave a comment because maybe kj and maybe even Lori's friend Nancy won't notice that the offer expired already and if they don't notice then they will have to pay more and it all goes to a good cause. It would be a fucking--oops--darn shame if Lori and kj and now Nancy couldn't contribute all their grocery money to help those poor birds in the Gulf Coast."

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By the way, Renee also said, "Some of those birds have arrived here in heaven, Emily, and they are being well taken care of. There is no oil in heaven, although there are jelly donuts and chocolate truffles. Tell everyone that too."

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So for once I am doing as I was told and I don't mind this one time because I am always very well behaved after I visit my Aunt Alfalfa and it lasts for at least three days before I start to whine again and sometimes I don't have a temper tantrum for as long as a week. My Aunt Alfalfa says heaven affects rabbits that way. I don't know how it affects people but Renee seemed pretty happy although I did not get the sense that she was going to start behaving anytime soon.

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If you go and visit Lori, please tell her I Emily Rabbit said hello and wondered if any of that money should maybe be dedicated to helping the New England Bunny Business with the start up cost of its jellybean production.

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Sincerely Yours,

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Emily R.

* You can find Renee at http://circlingmyhead.blogspot.com

Ms.Tabasco and Mr. Ketchup

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Ms. Tabasco was attracted to tall sleek trim men.

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She met Mr. Ketchup at a regional plate conference

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where they inexplicably noticed one another from a distance

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until they found themselves sharing the same scrambled eggs.

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Soon after Mr. Ketchup asked Ms. Tabasco to dinner.
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which extended into the night

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in Mr. Ketchup's corner of the pantry.

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To their great surprise,

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Ms. Tabasco and Mr. Ketchup

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found they were very emotionally

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and sexually compatible

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In fact, they were quite hot blooded and adventurous

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even daring and acrobatic
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Ms. Tabasco learned that sleek and trim wasn't everything.

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And Mr. Ketchup learned that he was

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lovable and agile.

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They bought new hats for the occasion,

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and Ms. Tabasco and Mr. Ketchup

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were married one June day

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on a glass tabletop

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celebrating with their families and friends,

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including an interracial salt and pepper shaker.

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Another powerful example that good love can be very blind.

Come Join Me: A weekend in Vermont

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The farmhouse was built in 1796. My friend and her husband mustered up considerable courage, bought it and the land, and moved to very rural Vermont two years ago, after many years of living in a three room condo in the upscale south end of Boston.

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It was a lifestyle change of giant magnitude for them.

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The nearest sizable town, which is to say it has a Main Street with a coffee shop and other storefronts, is 20 minutes away. My friends have been greatly welcomed by their neighbors, one of which supplied the pork ribs we grilled for dinner, provided from his now decreased pig (I couldn't bare to wonder if the pig had a name.)

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Throughout the course of the weekend, we had farm fresh eggs, farm fresh yogurt, cheese, ice cream, which we bought directly from Robie Farm. We had home baked bread and fresh strawberries and Vermont bacon.

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Eight acres

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a front yard garden
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no reason to wear shoes

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time for three Big Yellow friends to sit

in a coffee shop

most of the morning

and write and read aloud together
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time to admire the art of watercolors

(check out the website of Mark Neilsen),
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the colors of the local farmstands

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time to cook together and eat together

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to watch birds and play with cats,

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to color, hide, seek and giggle with two great kids,

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to enjoy the rhythm of friends

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and remember how deep and sweet love can be
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to let yourself be astonished

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by simple sights
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to walk the land
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relax

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do cartwheels

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follow the cut grass at dusk
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until you see the light again

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and in the end,

effortlessly say thank you

for the times that remind and replenish

everything good.

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(and when I arrived home

I was greeted by a friend

so dear.

She gets embarrassed sometimes

when I gush over her,

she who watched over my dog Stella

and my homestead;

she who I hope will

grant me the privilege of

being her friend for a goodly

lifetime)

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love

kj

My Day

Don't ask me why. I just feel like writing tonight. I hope I don't bore you.

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First of all, after spending last weekend in New York City and then the Foxwoods Casino, JB and I are on our way to a Vermont farmhouse tomorrow, for the weekend. I will see my writer friends and their families. I think we will savor food, smell manure, visit barns and animals and gardens, (I don't know whose), enjoy two great kids, catch up, write.

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But that's not all of it Tomorrow my friend Lo of these here blogs is coming to dog-sit-and-talk with Ms. Recovering Stella, who is starting to move and feel better. I want this house to be very nice to Lo, to welcome and cozy her into whatever space and sanctuary she may want.

But that is tomorrow. Today I worked in different ways than my normal routine. School is out this week, so the locations where I see my kid-clients is changing (fyi: half my clients are kids), and there are graduations. This is what I did today (names changed to protect anyone, maybe even me):

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9 am: Met Addie at her house and let her drive my car around the church parking lot and on her street. My car and I are going with her for her driver's test this afternoon, because there was no one else. I don't think this is an appropriate thing for a therapist to do, so I don't ask for guidance, just in case, because I think helping Addie take her driver's test is overall a good thing.

10 am: What name have I called her before here on the blog? I wish I could use her real one syllable name because it is one of my favorites and it's who she is. Anyway, I went to her eighth grade graduation ceremony. It was a full cafeteria. I stood against the wall, clapped loud and long when she walked across the stage. I saw her Mother, who has lost custody, and I was very glad to see her: we embraced for real. Good. But the thing that really got me is that Ms. Nameless and three of her 8th grade classmates sang the full version of "I Believe I Can Fly." I was overtaken by my emotions. I wanted to cry, in a good way. Transformative.

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11 am: I'm still here. This is not the best school. But today everything is done right. There are balloons, a piped organ/piano player, and a Guest Speaker. This will tell you so much about the mill town working poor city of H------: The Introduction of the Guest Speaker, with fanfare: "We are proud to introduce H------'s First Female Firefighter!!!" She was great. She said, I'm just like you. This is how I did it."

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11:30 What have I called her before? I like her real name too. Well, I will call her Cissie. Is that in any way a Hispanic name? I don't think so. Anyway, Cissie goes to the worst school I have seen. She was held back in 6th grade last year, was doing much better with younger-than-herself peers, until she got kicked up to 7th grade anyway, a setback for her. So today Cissie told me she failed two classes, thinks she will be held back again. I guess that she won't mind and she tells me, true, she won't mind at all. Since she is only in 7th grade, I ask her if she thinks she will make it through high school. She looks at me in a way I know she is really thinking, will be honest with both of us, and she tells me 'no.' I understand. That is my opinion too.

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Cissie and I play "Pick Up Sticks" and then Crazy Eights on the dining room table. A year ago there were only beds and a couch in the house. We are in rare form today: we laugh and delight in sticking it to one another. This is a hyperactive, good kid. She trusts me. Her family life has improved way for the better in the past year. I think it will be a good summer for her.

Enough time to buy a cup of coffee and eat an apple, cheese, a peanut butter chocolate bar.

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1:00 As I type this, I just realize this is a day for 14 year olds. I only have 3, and I am seeing them all in a row.

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I see S--- at her house today, at the kitchen table with her Mother. The family is under hard stress and worry: S---'s father needs heart surgery. It will be risky. he is old and can barely walk from room to room. And there are problems with S---'s older sister. We are talking about S---'s difficulty controlling her temper when she is mad or hurt or sometimes even misunderstood. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a very young age; there are some cognitive challenges around regulating her emotions. Anyway, we three try to talk about it, about what might help, what can be done. I hear some things that are good to be able to say outloud." S---- doesn't ever give any pats on the back, but I think the three of us did good today. I like that.

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3:00 I am at a meeting for a little 7 year old guy who lost his mother two years ago and is now in his third foster home, this time without his younger brother. Before this, he is bright and well mannered in school; not so much so if the environment is chaotic. He is so sad, says he couldn't stay there any more because he was 'bad', says he misses his foster Mother and wants to see her. The meeting is because he has suddenly begun to act up in his first grade class. He is agitated and even wild sometimes. I have only seen him like that once before in almost two years. The meeting is what to do, can he stay where he is?, a new foster Mother who seems nice, not that that lessens all the losses. I have to rush out, but I say clearly, several times: "stability, stability" ..."keep him where he is now, I fear he will numb out totally if there is another change now."

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4:00 pm Addie's driving test. I am a wreck myself. I rush to the DMV, have to show my license and registration, prepare to sit behind her while she drives my car (I didn't think about her actually driving in traffic--can she really drive?). The test is stressful. Addie is nervous and her parallel parking is not good. But still, I thought she passed. But she didn't. The Registry Woman told her she could take the test again right away, told her she was only allowed to make three mistakes and she made six (not letting a pedestrian cross first; letting the front wheels touch the crosswalks.) I feel badly. I offer to drive Addie home, encourage her to treat herself to that Chinese take out anyway. She is a good kid. She needs some adults who will help her. Her teachers want to do that for her. Me too.

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Addie asks me if I would do this (going with her) for all my clients. I don't hesitate: 'No." She is a smart, protective shield tough kid. She says, "You do nice things for people." It is as much a question as a statement. I answer, "Yes, I try. I think I do."

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I buy groceries. I visit my Mom. I am fascinated by my day.

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I probably won't be around until Sunday night. I might find a computer to sneak into, who knows? Think of me in Vermont: I think it will be a great time. Think of me having lunch with Ms. Studio Lolo.

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And if you think of me, you can be sure I will here and there think of you too. It's turning out that way. :)

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Love

kj

Happiness

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This is the original cover of my very first book proposal. It was fortunate to be picked up by an agent and I spent a good part of a summer writing about happiness, to my heart's content, readying it for a publishing contract.

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I wanted the book to be easy to read, insightful to ponder, and credible as in backed by real research; not stuffy research, but with real facts about who's happy and why. My agent wanted the book to be a light 'how to'. I couldn't bring myself to write it that way, so I put it aside. One of these days, perhaps soon, it will find its way to me again and I will play it forward.

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The Book identifies ten qualities of a happy life. I liked them then and I like them now. I loved searching for and selecting quotes to introduce each quality. I first posted them on my blog when my blog was brand new in 2006. Here they are again.

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I hope you find one that speaks directly to you.

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1. Keep It Simple

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“A mess can cover up more than tables and floors. People lose themselves in the day-to-day stuff, and they don’t get to be who they really are.”

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Organizer Extraordinaire, Laurie Arriola
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2.Stay Present: Correct the Past, Plan the Future, But Live Now

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“We are born at the rise of the curtain and we die with its fall, and every night in the presence of our patrons we write our new creation, and every night it is blotted out forever; and of what use is it to say to audience or to critic, “Ah, but you should have seen me last Tuesday?”
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Michael MacLiammoir, The Bell,
“Hamlet in Eisinore”, 1952

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3. Commit: Find a Purpose and Live It

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“I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific”

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Lily Tomlin/Jane Wagner
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4. Don’t Turn on Yourself

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“When will you have a little pity for every soft thing that walks through the world, yourself included?”

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Mary Oliver
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5. Keep Conflict to a Minimum
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"One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty counsels. The thing to do is to supply light and not heat. "

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Woodrow Wilson, 1916
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6. Laugh and Cry

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“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”

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Ralph Waldo Emerson,
The Conduct of Life, 1860

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7. Do Good Work

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“Don’t ask your self what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who come alive” (Harold Whitman). (for my twinkly twin Angela)

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8.Bend Bend Bend: Choose Happy Instead of Right

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“There is no good in arguing with the inevitable. The only argument available with an east wind is to put on your overcoat.”

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James Russell Lowell, “Democracy”
address in Birmingham England 1884
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9.Create

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“I entered biology to understand the beauty of life. I started with the ecology of animals, but that wasn’t quite right, so I went one level deeper, to the study of tissues, then to chemistry, and finally even dabbled in the depths of quantum mechanics. Yet when I got there, I saw that the wonder of life had somehow slipped through my fingers along the way.”

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Allbert Szent-Gyorgyi,
Nobel Laureate Biologist
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10. Connect

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“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love IS everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. ..It really IS worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”
Erica Jong, How to Save your Own Life, 1977

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And a final word from the Saint of the Universe:

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We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. I do not agree with the big way of doing things.
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Mother Theresa, 1975

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xoxo from kj