It seems to me that when you're in your thirties it's a time to search for understanding and by the time you hit fifty it's a search for acceptance. Not to take anaything away from all the every day wonder, astonishment, connection, and love in the world, but part of acceptance is accepting that things don't always happen for the best, life can be unfair, and some questions don't have easy or any answers. Ah, but what's to stop me from wishing backwards? This idea makes me think that wishing ahead is about hope and wishing back is perhaps about regret.
Backward, forward, or anywhere in between, I have a hearty list of things I wish I'd hear:
That mistake in your retirement account? Turns out it was in your favor. You can stop working anytime now.
This is Random House. We're offering you a book contract for The Light Stays On and MGM wants movie rights.
Susan Sarandon wants to play Lily. So does Julia Roberts and Kate Winslet.
You've achieved lifetime status at Weightwatchers, kj. You're the perfect weight.
The winner of tonight's Wheel of Fortune trip around the world is kj306.
Mom, it's me, Jessica: Mike and I and the kids are moving to the town next to you. Can we come over every Friday night for dinner?
I know we loved each other and I'm sorry I hurt you.
An online community of 50 bloggers is meeting up for a week in Provincetown and every single person will be real and wonderful.
Mr President, Congress has agreed that the best thing for the United States is to find ways to compromise and cooperate. No more gridlock.
All of JB's collages sold at her gallery opening. She has immediately cashed the checks and booked a three week trip for two to South Africa.
kj, this is Houghton Mifflin. We'll double the advance for "The Light Stays On" and several film studios want movie rights. You get to decide who plays Lily and Alex and Mike and Max.
You don't know me but I had a dream about your dog Stella and she asked me to find you and tell you that she is fine, that the next time you see her she will be able to run straight to you.
All your friends are healthy and any of their financial woes are history.
I'm happy to tell you that this free little bracelet will take care of everything you need to know about computers. You will no longer lose documents, have problems with Blogger, or otherwise be required to have g.d. programming skills.
I could go on. Indefinitely. But I'll end by tossing out this idea of backwards or forward. Anything you'd like to hear yourself? I'll bet there is!
love kj
some decades ago a book came out called creative visualization and today there are tons of books in the self help section about this — hope not only never goes out of style, it's a human need.
ReplyDeletebtw i love your wish list - esp the one about having houghton mifflin doubling the advance...... i can already see your name rolling by on the credits, original screenplay by karen jasper♡
now you just need to start visualizing what you'll wear to the oscars ceremony and whom you're going to thank...
hi amanda, hahaha, i think i am more recreating! but yes to visualizing what we hold dear. i first learned about creative visualization in a healing course, helping people visualize cancer cells being politely or ruggedly escorted right out of one's body. and you've read me right: i really do what the book to be a movie!!! maybe jodie foster as lily....
Deletexoxo amanda
I know we loved each other and I'm sorry I hurt you.
ReplyDeleteThis made me a little sad Kj...
I would like to hear "I'm so proud to have you as a father"
Of course we will lower your intrest rate so you can stay in your home...and yes we got all of your info the first time
we are releasing Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson's last book 3 months early
you know those childhood years that were stolen from you? No we wont give them back but here is a crap ton of money, and a new car with gps that has directions to your new home in the country.....
I went all out on the last one. I would be more than happy if the last thing I heard was "Chris you have been a good father, friend and person, these last years of your life have more than made up for the ones where you were not...and they published your thirteenth book".
Wander
chris, you choke me up. thank you for noticing that one wish of mine. it makes me alittle sad too.
ReplyDeletei won't comment on all your wishes but i will say this: i am glad we have met. i am glad to know you, glad that you come to my blog, glad that we love to write, glad that you write. you are a sweet surprise of my winter, and i thank you for it. ♥
and yes, 13 books if you want. but if my one book is any indication, that one is pretty damn awesome all by itself
I was a reader of that early book Creative Visualization. It was by shakti gawain.
ReplyDeletechuckled at your bracelet idea.
i think we all have backward and forward wishes like this. they relieve the disappointments of what is, I guess. and of course what writer has not imagined the two scenario's your present. ah yes....
suki, sometimes i just wish this were that.
Deleteand even worse, sometimes i pretend i can make it so!
occassionally, i pull it off, but the failures sting!
love
kj
You are manifesting your future, kj! I can't wait to see the movie of The Light Stays On. I love the bracelet and can't wait to have one, haha!
ReplyDeleteI know Stella is running and playing right now...and I know that she will run to you when the time is right.
I visualize how easily our move back to the Island will go...no hold-ups or problems whatsoever...just an easy return.
Super post, kj! xx
marion, haha, i'm pretty good at manifesting the future: it's accepting the past that trips me up! thank you for everything here and always, marion. ♥
DeleteKj, These are lovely wishes.
ReplyDeleteFor me my wish is to not live in the past or the future, but to always be in the moment because as Tolle says that is where all the power is :-).
And acceptance for me is not resigning myself to what as, but falling in love with it, this is my path and somedays it is very hard to do.
I wish all your wishes come true :-).
xoxo
the moment is everything, annie. i know....
Deletethis is my path: yup, you're right. and wise.
xoxo
I noticed that one, almost invisible, wish of yours, too. I also wish it for you. As for me, I have one big career wish and one small personal wish. The big career wish is too big to write and the small personal one too personal. :) xo
ReplyDeletethanks, andrea. i love your comment.
Deleteand i wish what you wish
xoxox
If wishes were horses beggars would ride them ... ermmm or something like that! I spent too long wishing and put too much of myself into it. I forgot to look at what I had and then some of it slipped away without me noticing. I wish I hadn't done that. I hope I remember not to do it so much in the future.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish it were easier to let go of things that cannot be unilaterally resolved.
Big hug xx Jos
jos, your last sentence: dear god, me too. i hold on and i often wonder why.
Deletei don't think i overlook what i have. (not sure you do either). i cherish and appreciate all of it. BUT: that does not mean i don't feel absences and crevices sometimes. longing is a real emotion, can be a real need, and is hardest when the object of the longing is too murky or too difficult to even know!
love you, jos
wow, provocative post!
ReplyDeleteThings I'd like to hear could never make up for what has already been said. Those wounds don't hurt as much as they used to, but the memorable scars will always be there.
If I could hear one thing it would be that I would never have financial concerns in life again. When you have enough, you can work on the rest. Good health, a comfortable secure home, etc. If I had no financial worries I could focus on my art and writing because I wouldn't be distracted by the wolf at the door.
But like Annie, I know how much it matters to stay in the present.
And I know this to be true...my friends tell me all the wonderful things I have never heard as a child and I know they mean every word. In that respect, I'm so very wealthy.
love you Kj!
xo
Lo♥
i love you too, lo
Deletealways
That is one of my wishes too ♥
DeleteI'd like several of those, too. Especially the one about being able to retire right now. Or even to just move to a half-time practice. There's just so much else I'd like to do!
ReplyDeletecs, good thing there's no way to have too much fun. you go, girl!
Delete♥
There are a million things I could say but really what I wish I'd hear is "gad, we made an awful mistake, and no one you love has that dreadful/deadly/nasty disease - hahaha".
ReplyDeleteI'd like the publishers clearing house, and Disney buying miss em rights and a few other things too...I ain't no saint.
mim, you may not know how much i dearly wish this for you and ms. em
Delete♥
p.s. oh that fucking cancer, mim. i hate the very sound of it. it drags good people through times they don't deserve and it never even apologizes. i raising my prayers with boxing gloves. screw you, cancer!
DeleteOh, first off, I want/need (same thing) WISH for one of those bracelets.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish to see what's in JB's workshop.
And I wish for the starring role in your book/movie.But I realize I'm too old, and I'm not really sure I could act anyway, but it's fun to think about.
I wish to always know that whatever I have is enough.
I wish to win the lottery,,,,not for myself, but for family members, who don't have enough.
And I wish someday that Jack will remember me as the Babs he would have chosen all by himself.
Gosh,,,this could go on and on and on, couldn't it?
babs, this comment makes me want to cry. not because it is sad, but because you are such a remarkable and authentic person and i am overjoyed that you are in my life.
Deleteactually, i love you MADLY even...
xo
You do throw up some curly questions Kj ... if I wish backwards to the long ago conversation I'm presently replaying and the outcome was different then would I now be be sitting wishing I'd gone forward?
ReplyDeletewhat a question asked perfectly perfectly!
Deletethe likely answer: no
♥
Right now I have only one wish.....you know what it is.
ReplyDeleteOther than one return visit to New Orleans via comfy suite in a train.
I guess I'm a lousy wisher or an easy date! HAR!
Pick one...... ;-)
XXOO~~
Anne
anne, your wish is my wish too, and it is at the top of my list. and YES to n'orlans by train. hell, i'd love to be on that train with you. ♥ times a zillion.
Deletelove
kj
Everyone needs dreams KJ!xxx
ReplyDeletecaroline, too barren without them!
Deletexoxo
No big deal but what I want to hear on Monday is YES SIR you are scheduled to be operated on at 7am Tuesday morning. That is all i want to accomplish for now, The rest of my life I am content with.
ReplyDeleteLove You kj you help me sometimes *no snark*
mark, well i love you too. as for the sometimes i help you, that made my day and i am glad. i hope hope the call comes monday. it should, xoxoxo
DeleteWhat an impressive list!
ReplyDeleteI share some of those wishes.
Especially the one that my friends are out of financial worries and that they stay healthy.
These 2 concerns can make me unhappy. So I go for those 2.
And it is a wish that includes everybody so that is beautiful
♥M
Wow, KJ, what an interesting post!
ReplyDeleteIt has really got me thinking, especially since I have just been reading and watching about the science that basically tells us that everything is happening in this moment - there is no past and no future - everything is happening right now! So, that would make your wishing super powerful!
What i am hearing from your wishes is that you want for you, your family and your friends (and maybe everyone else) to live a happy, healthy life without worries. You want to be able to enjoy your life to the fullest, having every option available, being fully treasured. That is my wish as well! For you and everyone else...
And I wish you a beautiful Sunday! Love, Silke
Wishes, wishes. What are they, either forward or backward? I have always thought of wishes as my spirit expressing the things that my rational mind cannot come up with. As a child I was told every time on my birthday to blow the candles and to make a wish. I found that to be completely incomprehensible. If I was to wish when the candle was lit, was I denying the wish by putting it out? Adults are such contradictory people...
ReplyDeleteWhat do I wish these days? For good news, any kind of good news. News about people respecting each other, giving of themselves and for no other reason than that to give is still better than to receive. I wish for wisdom, which always seems to be a step ahead of me.
Time. That little thing we tried to tame by putting it inside little boxes with hands to mark its passing, but they are always the same and the passing then is not marked by the hands but by what we accomplished or not.
I wish like you that negativity would take a fly to parts unknown. That instead of assuming we could trust ourselves and others to ask questions when in doubt. And above all, I wish for love, it seems that there are so many unloved creatures in this world and that their number increases proportionally to the anger and frustration of their owners.
I wish, I wish...and I truly wish for your all dreams to come true.
Just in case, I won't blow out the candle.
Allegra