Sunday, October 17, 2010

To You From Me

Hello there first grader, how adorable you look, even through those serious eyes.
You don't know me yet but I was there when you were born, when you came home to the lane from the hospital, during all the times when your Mother didn't know how to handle your brother's jealously and your need to be heard, when you tried every which way to state and restate your needs.
I was there when you got sick every day in kindergarten and had to walk home for a quick change of clothes. It was so great that your Mom told you how brave you were before you headed back to school, and it was so great that you believed her.
I was there when you charmed every teacher, when your class of 660 kids voted you Most Popular at your high school graduation, when you aced your first job and started your own business and when you earned all that respect in your work.
You've become a solid grown up. Sometimes you are too sensitive and you take things too personally and sometimes you carry this confusing ache that feels like lonliness, but just as often you appreciate the many wonderful people in your life, people who love you, who aren't perfect all the time but who like you do their best.
I am so proud of your resourcefulness. Sometimes I think you can do anything when you put your mind to it. I don't think your two broken hearts could have been avoided. You were pretty confident and oblivious to any difficulty like that until you turned thirty. That was the first time when you had to honestly face that you couldn't change things, couldn't make them better.
The second time is still too recent and too hard to figure out, partially because I think that a surprising part of your broken heart belongs more to this little girl staring into the camera and less to you the adult who is learning how to bounce back. It is what it is: you let yourself trust fully and you never imagined you'd be even thinking about issues like abandonment & betrayal.
And you know what? I'm working hard to help you out here, because in time those are not the words or the feelings that I want you to remember. I want you to remember that you are capable of deep love, that things happen that aren't your fault, maybe fault isn't even the most important part. I want you to remember that you don't need to understand things in order to grow from them.
I want you to remember that love is worth it.
You are six years old. I am the woman you will become, talking to you from the future. You will grow up wise and anchored: honest, loyal, bright, creative, playful, passionate, astonished even. Still determined when you put your mind to it. And loving. You will grow up loving, vulnerable sometimes, but sometimes that is the sometimes the price of love. That's okay.
You can handle it. I'm beside you and I will protect and nuture you. You make sure that we take the time to play and I'll make sure you heart makes room. I am you, and I thank you for those serious eyes. They serve us well.


  1. I do like not only the serious eyes but also the firm chin. This is a lovely but determined girl who is absolutely ready for the future. About thirty years ago, KJ? (grinning)

  2. wieneke, you've made me smile of course. your math is perfect! :)
    thank you, my friend for such high praise. please know it means alot coming from you. ♥

  3. dear kj,
    a long time ago, in my early 20's i read something that made such an impression on me it has stayed with me ever since. it is...

    i am every age i have ever been.

    have you read this too? it's so simple isn't it? but of course its not. if we are lucky, we will be. so we can live the fullest life, because to be any age is to know it and then be as compassionate as we can, not only of others but of ourselves too.

    it is hard to thank the lord or whoever your higher power is, for heartache, but without it, your living through all the extremes of human emotion, you wouldn't be the deeply commpassionate and wonderful person you are now.

    what a little doll you were! ☺


  4. This is one of the most beautiful things I have read in a long time.

    (Thank you for shaing it with us.)

  5. A toast to this beautiful little her determination to overcome all things..... a toast to the beautiful woman she has become! Loving, skillful, warm, funny, compassionate, caring..... still determined to overcome all obstacles in her way. Every joy - every heartache HAS its' meaning....and you have learned from it all...and it has molded you into YOU! Lori's words are so true.....

    I am only one of many who feel truly blessed to have you in my life.

    Love, love and more LOVE,

    ♥ Robin ♥

  6. a lovely caring letter from your self to yourself

  7. Cute then cute now.
    Sh.... we are getting old nothing can stop that process it is in our minds how we experience it.
    I am working on my mind.....


  8. lovely, lovely, lovely... really!! and yes... it is better to love and lose than to not love at all.. we cannot close our hearts and make them prisons.. bcs the only one imprisoned inside is us... hang in there kj, and all will be well.. take care KJ.. even tho i dont comment often, i read every single post, and love you for each one of them. every single one of them.. lots and lots of love coming ur way..

  9. This is my 6 year old giving your 6year old a big hug!!
    Congratulations on becoming!!
    Love and hugs dear one!

  10. Waaaah! How lovely this is, how inspiring!! What a super idea, kj!

    I especially loved this..."a surprising part of your broken heart belongs more to this little girl staring into the camera and less to you the adult who is learning how to bounce back."

    An epiphany. My dear, how wonderful! This whole letter to yourself feels so healing and accepting to me.

    I'm really happy for you!

    love and hugs

  11. Hi kj, this is a smart thing to do and a very beautiful read for us all.

    love to you
    all of you

    x Robyn

  12. sf lori, i read and remember this too. i like the idea of writing to myself at different ages. and everything you say here is so wise. i know, i understand. still, i'm not too fond of the heartache part! surely can't i be a good learner without that part? :)
    ps xoxo

    kristin, welcome and thank you very much.

    oh robin, look at all those adjectives! hahhahaha! thank you my friend. maybe you sat behind me in second grade? :)

    thank you suki. i might write more letters to more of me!

    marianne, i don't often feel old. sometimes i think i'm getting less mature, not the other way around! and YOU! you are beautiful in every way, marianne.

    how do we know, what a lovely comment. thank you so very much. i like that you visit me here, and how come i can't seem to pull up your blog today? ♥

    marie, tsupmwah! tsupmwah! likewise and ditto to your hugs at any age.

    marion, hello! i looked at your photos tonight. OMG. how totally beautiful. are you home and around? wednesday maybe? i love how dearly you understand and support me, my friend. thank you.

    robyn, i think it's kind of clever myself. so often in counseling i ask clients about their little girls or little boys and i am also glad that they almost always know exactly what and who i mean! ♥

  13. Oh kj I wish I had the esteem to write a letter to myself. We were given a similar project once in a goal setting environment. Had to write a letter to ourselves from retirement age and describe how we were living. It was weird talking to yourself but oddly cathartic. You are all these things you lovely lady. I'm not getting old. I'm just not. It's been a journey, I'm still on it and it's one helluva ride. -

  14. "To Me from Me"

    It's a nice one, I would say an innocent one. One truly enjoys a particular thing when one relates with it. And I relate with the sentiment of yours.

  15. My letter to me would be much different.

  16. hells, i don't feel 'old'. i do wish i did not know that sadness is part of life and there are some things we cannot do anything about, no matter how much we want to. i don't like knowing that. but you and i, hells, we'll be raising hell for years to come. i'm sure of it!!!! ps write that letter. don't judge the self esteem part. just write! xoxo

    shubhajit, thank you my friend. i've just read your post and OMG! you always make me think. xoxo

    mark, no surprise there. my letter to me at 15 would be much different. my letter to me three years ago would be much different.

  17. This is beautiful KJ. I think we should all sit down and write to our inner child. Very powerful.

    I think I'd end up blubbering too much writing mine.

    I like what you said in response to's true, the letters would all be different depending on the age of reference.

    I'm glad you're taking care of that little girl ;)


  18. Oh, look at you - so adorable! So wise to write a love letter to your younger self. To all your younger selves.

  19. What a lovely photo and the letter is just wonderful - I so enjoyed reading it. What a brilliant idea!

  20. What a fabulous testimony kj! those serious eyes are showing their earnestness, and she is listening carefully to your message of love - thank you so much for sharing it with us all. powerful, beautiful, sensitive and loving - all characteristics of who I am learning are descriptives of you, kj, woman extraordinaire.
    big hugs and love,