Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Day in the Life....

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I don't like posts that take looooooong to read. I am sensitive that when I do that I ask for too much time when there is not enough time to go around already. So don't read this if the very length of it is a turn off.
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This is about a day at work. I have a demanding interesting challenging affirming good job. I am not bored, rarely disappointed. But sometimes it's not easy:
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I had a hard day.
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I work two long days each week usually seeing seven or eight clients. Today by 8 am I had 3 phone messages from my 18 year old client "A" who I trust and who has agreed to a contract with me that before she would ever harm herself she would call me or the Crisis Center.
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She kept her promise. When she called this morning, she needed help, probably a hospital admission (her first) to help her understand why she cries so much and feels so sad and so alone that she wants to cut herself.
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I have been a psychotherapist for not yet two years. I consider myself a counselor but I have done many other things in my career too. This is the first time I have been a therapist per se, and one who mostly sees clients where they live, not in an office.
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So accompanying my client to the Crisis Center meant that I had to cancel my first two appointments with other clients. I was glad to do it, had to do it, but from there my day was a windstorm:
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9 am Call A's mother, pick up A at school, head to crisis center, arrange for her sister to stay with her, meet with intake counselor.
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11 am See J. for weekly session at her house except no one was home. J is usually there and reliable. I don't have her new cell phone number. Damn. I know she will call me, she will feel bad about standing me up.
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11:10 am I call L's new foster mother and ask if I can stop by. L is Angelina's 6 year old brother and he along with their 3 year old brother are in a new home where there is an expressed interest in adopting them, and maybe Angelina too.
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New Foster Mother tells me that she and her husband cannot decide yet to adopt the boys, that they need more time to think. She is kind and warm and she runs a daycare center in her home. But she says the boys are sometimes out of control, especially N. the 3 year old. I tell her a little about Angelina who she has not met and ask if sometime she might come for an hour or two to play with her brothers. She says of course. She walks me to the door and she hugs me genuinely. I like her and I will pray.
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12:00 I drive to the middle school of my 10 am client, who I missed earlier this morning. She is 13 and the office cannot find her: she is not in the class she is supposed to be in. I meet with her guidance counselor and (politely) ask why some one doesn't go looking for her if she doesn't show up for her 7th grade class. The counselor tells me bluntly, "We don't have the staff to do that. There are a lot of kids who don't go to class." Not a good school, I knew that, but I am not pleased.
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12:30 I drive to M's apartment building. She is not there. Two no-shows in one day, by two reliable clients. I am mad at myself that I cannot find M's new phone #. I leave a note.
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12:35 I sneak into Burger King, relax for a few minutes.

1:00 I see M. for the first time since she had her baby. I have been nervous about this. M. has significant problems with her three children ages 6, 8, & 12 and she has just given birth to a premature daughter against all medical advice. Plus there are three dogs stuck in crates most of their lives and I am pained to see that, to not be able to rescue them.

M is sitting on the couch feeding the baby a bottle. The baby is very clean and dressed in warm cotton onsie. I comment that M seems happy having a small baby and she says yes. I ask how her two daughters are doing and she says, "They try to get my attention." I suggest she let them sit on the couch with her and the baby, perhaps put the baby in their laps. She looks at me like I'm crazy.

2:00 I drive ten miles or so to an elementary school where 11 year old D. and I have our therapy session sitting on the floor in the empty Anger Management room. The room has carpeting on half of each wall but it is not thick so if someone were angry enough to slam into one of the walls, they would not be spared. D and I play two games of Old Maid and one game of War while I ask her about her favorite things (people, colors, places, subjects) and then she asks me back. We laugh our heads off every week about being in the Anger Management room. I see D. because she is overweight, is very aware her father does not see her very often, and was being bullied in school last year. She is much happier this year. She doesn't talk about her feelings much but I'm glad she knows she can.
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3:00 Another school, this time a middle school where 13 year old L. and I sit in the cafeteria and I can see how depressed and miserable she now is. Two weeks ago her mother lost all parental rights and L and her younger sister are now in a permanent foster home until she is 18. This is with a man she loves who has been a surrogate father to her for years, but his wife cannot seem to give the kids some time and space. This is a child whose history has been a disaster, and yet she is so bright and spirited. She wants to be a Mechanical Engineer in Japan. I keep telling her she will get there but there are 3 important rules: no drugs, no gangs, no babies. She laughs but I make her say that with me at least once a month. I am worried about her now. I make a note to ask my supervisor for some advice.
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4:00 I have a new client, another teenager who is in trouble in school and with the courts. She calls my cell phone and cancels at the last minute. Normally that is not acceptable but I cut her a break this one time because I don't know her and don't think it's a good idea to start off with conflict. I tell her I hope I can help her and I look forward to meeting her. She asks me if her foster mother told me that she dislikes people.
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What? I ask. "I don't like people" she says. "All people?" I ask. "Most," she replies. I like her honesty. It will be interesting to meet her.
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4:15 I make a few phone calls from my car. I call my friend (you know I mean you!) and we chat away, a nice break for me. I organize my appointment book, call back the client I stood up this morning.
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4:45 I see A's mother at the clinic. She loves her daughter, she wants to help her, is worried about her, but she is at the end of her own rope. She does not easily share her vulnerabilities, this is hard for her. I agree to see her again next week. I'm hoping if I help the family this will help A. But I tell her I strongly recommend she have own therapist and she agrees to call her insurance company. I tell her 'why go through this alone if you don't need to?" and she seems to agree.
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6:30 I walk in my kitchen door. My emotions are on overdrive. I had very little problem with all the juggling today, and I was thoughtful and deliberate with everyone I saw, but my emotions are drained.
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Walking into the Crisis Center this morning, A asked me if I liked my job. "Very much," I said.
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"How do you do it?" she asked me. "All those problems you have to help with and what do you do if you have your own problems?"
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I smiled at her. "I'd see someone to help and listen to me." We smile together and I stay beside her while she checks herself in. I'm glad I'm there with her. She is courageous to be handing herself over for help. I am proud of her. It makes a difference....

22 comments:

  1. kj this is a wonderful look at your day and how very lucky everyone of your clients are to have you in their lives.

    You are a treasure.

    Now this should also go in your book. You are holding my interest with these bulletins big time.

    Love Renee xoxox

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  2. kj,honestly i am not the biggest fan of long posts either. even though i myself put up a zillion photos that poor people probably have to wait forever to load.
    but..
    i was so absorbed in this. it was completely facinating to follow along on your day. i was drained too just thinking about all the emotion you went through in your day to help so many people. so. many. people.
    i love how thoughtful you are. how caring and compassionate. you are these things. everyday.

    everyday.

    i hope you know how much i admire you (and am even a little envious) i wish i would have chosen this path sometimes. it seems to me like there is no more rewarding work.

    now go take your well deserved three days off. maybe see if emily wants to go brussel sprout shooting. it relaxes i've heard :)

    love,
    lori

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  3. renee and lori, i am answering your comments together because you are my beloved heart sisters and two of my favorite people in all the world. if i had no other comments on my blog but these from you both, i would be very full and content.

    i would be so honored to live my life as a treasure. thoughtful. caring. compassionate. and some days i am these things. when i'm not complaining about this or that, losing my car keys, blurting out some thoughtless remark because i'm tired and bitchy!

    if you think i deserve to be elevated in my attempts to do good, then you two must elevate with me. any one breathing knows that is true. :)

    renee, i want you to be one of the very very very first people to read my manuscript. you will be prominent in the dedication, moon sister. how could it be otherwise?

    lori, you could not admire me a thimble more than i admire you. and throw plenty of love in there too.

    renee and lori, you make me happy. i write better when i'm happy. ♥

    where is lolo? all these words are true for her too.

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  4. KJ - I don't know how you do it. I just don't know how you manage to get thru the day without tears. You have such a giving heart and soul - and I know that you would take all these people in and heal them if you could. I feel so selfish - next time I am sitting in a meeting and am impatient or bored, I'll think of the work you do.
    Be well,

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  5. I watched a woman do this day near every day for 50 years. When she passed away she was content.

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  6. Wow, kj - I was tired just reading this! :) You are amazing, and I am so happy that those kids have someone like you in their lives. It's an important job (as you know, or you wouldn't be doing it!). I normally don't read long posts, but yours was captivating! Go kj! xo Pam

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  7. You make the world a better place each time you help someone better understand about themselves. Congratulations! Interesting post, not too long at all.

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  8. I think you know I was one of those lost, impoverished inner-city children. My probabtion officer was the only one who recognized my potential and knew I wasn't a bad kid. She made a huge impact on my life in the very same ways you're there for those kids.
    Forty-five years later we are still dear friends.
    If they hang onto one tiny glimmer of hope that comes from you they'll be changed forever. It just may take them a while to see it and feel it but they will. I'm sure of it.
    And you can call me in the middle of any day to bitch and moan or cry. It doesn't always have to be about me ;)

    Keep doing the work KJ. You were called to do this and you do it so well.

    Love you!
    xoxo
    Lo

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  9. P.S. You can anonymously drop a dime to the SPCA so they can evaluate the crated dogs.
    I think they deserve a chance at a good life too ;)

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  10. mim, it is actually not hard to do this work. maybe i have a dna chip that allows me to be emotionally brave--i certainly don't have a physically brave chip! i worked in conference rooms and meetings for a large chunk of my career and in some way i felt that work was important too. but yes, mim, i like this job. it's not all doom and gloom by any means and i love the variety. ♥

    mark, talk about my novels in a paragraph. what you have written here, in one sentence, is INCREDIBLE. it reaches and touches everything that is good and important-a teachable moment. your mother perhaps? xoxox

    pam, thanks for reading. but please don't be misled. what i do is more ordinary than extraordinary. we all give in our own ways. look at our renee: what she gives us is immeasurable, and we too will have her gift for a lifetime. xoxo

    LD, thank you. somehow i have the feeling you care and give in small and large ways to the people around you. xoxo

    lo, i think of your story sometimes during my work day. that probation officer was a gem--i love that you are still in touch with one another. call you to bitch, moan or cry? hAHAHA, i think we often and mostly giggle and tell stories. (oh except for the subject of my tender heart, which you have lovingly listened to and about for longer than the solar system) ♥

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  11. kj - it's way past my bedtime so I wasn't about to read the whole post when you warned it was long!! However, after the first paragraph I was hooked and loved to read about your day - clearly very hard work and pretty draining, no doubt, but it must be so rewarding to know that you are helping to make a difference to these lives. Makes my stressed out day seem a breeze - blocked drains, overflowing toilets and plumbers with no English!! Aargh!!

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  12. Yes...... a difficult but very rewarding job, I think. Thanks for letting us know what you are doing at work. I have great admiration for people like you who help the vulnerable with enthousiasm and care.

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  13. Wow. Kj, I can see why you only work 2 days a week, this is a lot in one day to handle. You did well and you do your best. Bravo.
    xoxo ♥

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  14. Wow thank you for sharing Kj hour by hour... I was exhausted by the end. You are a brave, strong and courageous woman to go out and help the hurting day after day...

    I hope in your dreams you came over to the gypsy camp and sang songs and talked of magic with Renee, Sonia and I. Of course you were in the food fight! I remember looking at you and you threw a yummy butternut squash at me...good thing it was cooked!
    Love~Pattee

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  15. Whew, that sounds like a hell of a day! Now put it aside and enjoy your weekend!!

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  16. kj you make a difference and people like you who take the problems of others on board and have a genuine interest in their welfare. Busy days indeed, at least there are only 2 each week. Frankly I think I missed my calling there. I wanted to be a social worker but didn't make the uni cut.

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  17. KJ your soul is full of love, laughter, compassion, and real love. I admire you for what you do.

    xoxoxoxoox

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  18. God blesses a few with the talents required to do this work. I can't imagine,,,,just the dogs in crates got me.Throw in the innocent children, and it's a killer of an emotional roller coaster.
    Yes, you are blessed.

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  19. When I was 12 I met a woman(my drama/english teacher) who hugged me and told me I was wonderful. I hadn't been hugged until that day, let alone been told such amazing things. I love this woman still. She remains one of my closest friends 35 years on ... never doubt the value of what you give KJ ... or the impact you have on young lives. xx Jos

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  20. You give everything you have, when you go to work, kj. And your clients are so lucky to have you for a counsellor. I was completely absorbed in your day, no matter how long the post. This is the kind of work I wanted to do, way back when I was deciding what to do with my life.

    Other things intervened; I travelled a different path. Yet I tried to help, I will never forget the years I spent as a foster mother. I believe I made a difference, just as you do...every minute of the day.

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  21. yes, quite a day and yet you keep going, on the hope of helping and the joy of seeing it when you do. Us caregivers are like that. Often never having enough 'down time' to recharge, grabbing at rest when we can but at the end of each day, knowing we have helped...no expectations of being able to help them all but making a difference in one life at a time...

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