Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just Poetry

Although I'm not writing too many poems these days, there was a time when they came sliding out, one after another. I was in a kind of limbo then: hopeful & hopeless, passionate & protective, certain & confused--all at the same time.
I think that kind of confusion often encourages good writing.
This poem is now part of then, my history, and I'm glad for it. No regrets.

I Don’t Care
I don’t care if the distance spans the decades
And the patterns never form,
If I never understand the photos
Where we look straight into the camera
your arm hanging over my shoulder,
cradling my cracked smile,
The one I tried so hard
To keep it together
Even when the fragments flew.
I don’t care if the bluebirds turn around
And head back to what was never home,
That place we began but never finished,
That corner where we tried to intersect
But instead fell apart
in just that broken moment
When I told you I would endure
And you told me that was worthless.
I don’t care that I am baking pies today,
My senses somersaulting from the memory
Of my mother’s hands,
Moving back and forth
Kneading back and forth,
Following a rhythm I never learned—
A rhythm I think about at midnight
When my dreams will not keep still.
I would watch her dice and slice
Those moments so skillfully
I did not know my childhood was over
Until the day I left home,
Until the day you left me.
Until this day,
When all I can do
Is roll out the dough
And try to rise along with it,
Even when I know so well
I will clearly fall again.
I don’t care that I cannot maintain
Hope that cannot be sifted
In any form but by its splendid grief.
If I thought it was enough
To carry those ten sticks to town,
Just to hold them and push forward,
I would do that.
Gladly. Totally. Certainly.
I would open your garden gate
And ring your bell
And wait in place
Until the door opened
And there you were,
Scowling at my folly
To dare to come at all.
I would try to tell you
That somewhere so deep
I have never found my way
I believe there is a rising rhythm
That makes things right.
I would offer you my sticks
And then I would put my arms
Behind my back, barely moving,
Clenching with a driving hope
That you know that
I don’t care
Really means
I never learned
Not to.


  1. kj you are so loving. And you know I think that your loving is a form of bravery.

    Love Renee xoxo

  2. kj,
    what did anonymous say??

    i'll be back tomorrow, falling asleep now, puppy exhaustion (is that a real thing?) has set in. will write more later (this looks so good!).
    love to you,

  3. It effectively communicates through the imagery where your heart and head were when you wrote it.

    I am certain a majority of people would be able to relate to the content but when I don't care anymore there is little that can occur to resurrect that emotional attachment.

  4. "I did not know my childhood was over
    Until the day I left home,"...this line rings so true for me. I didn't know that either.

    You are such a loving,caring person, kj, and I am glad I have you for a friend.

  5. Mmmmmmm. One of your best. I love this. There are so any lines that jump out at me.

    I really need to pick up a pen and begin writng again.
    You inspire me ;)


  6. Dear KJ..... you KNOW I love this poem and can relate to all of the emotions it contains.....I have said it before - but - you are a poetess - you have the double-blessing of being able to write pose and poetry.

    Our Renee is right (as usual) - your loving heart IS a form of bravery.

    Love from Robin (in STILL storming San Francisco)

    p.s. I love the makes me dream of Springtime..

  7. I'm just wondering KJ. Not sure if this refers to the heartbreak you have been writing about here before. But what I wonder is: does this "you" know of your postings. Does she read them.

  8. how do you do it? these words simple zing and ring and wing their way straight to my heart, luv ya girl.

  9. lovely long rhythem to this poem swept
    me along
    seeing time going by
    life going by
    one pie slice
    at a time
    roll out the dough
    sift the words
    taste the

    sweet along with the sour
    bitter sweet

  10. i did know that.
    about caring.
    i loved the ending. and i say what renee said.
    you are lovely.
    write more.

  11. Wonderful so loving... and just wow..

    Go to my blog the traveling gypsy caravan has started!

  12. renee, brave means i have a choice! but thank you my dearest heart moon sister.

    cs, that means alot from you . thank you.

    lori ann, anonymous got deleted. some weird foreign computer gibberish i think. get a good night's sleep lori times six. ♥

    mark, i kinda envy you. xo

    marion, i am glad to have you as a friend too. that is for sure! hearts;

    dearest lo, you are a wonderful writer. everything you write is masterful and painterly. but if you mean you want to write stories and essays and books, i hope you do. xoxo

    robin, i am glad you read this. together strong....

    suki, well, i don't know. she has moved on.

  13. aww, soul, you are so kind to say this. thank you. luv you too, girlfriend!

    lynn, AMEN! please spinkle your poems and rhymes here anytime. :)

    lori, i know you know. and i am so thankful for your gentle wisdom. xoxo

    aww, pattee!!! i snuck over! WOW!!!! what company i am lucky enough to be with!!!! and i heard you will cook? i will cook too sometimes if you want. and i will tell jokes and give hugs. you rock, pattee. love love you!

  14. I was thinking what Suki was thinking. It is clear to me that she really broke your heart and I am so sorry Kj. I had my heart broken wide open too, so I know what you are feeling. Lovely poem.

  15. awww, annie, you're about to make me cry. thank you dear friend. ♥

  16. I read this beautiful poem and my heart lurched to one side. KJ I could have written this (although nowhere near as well). I never learnt not to care either ... but isn't this caring the very essence of who we are???

    Hearts break ... and then they eventually heal ... and then the brave put their hearts on the line again. You are so brave.

    xx Jos