Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Book Begins...



With inspiration all around me, I wrote for the better part of last weekend, knowing that I have earnestly (finally) started writing my next book. The characters and plot will be presented through brief scenes that sometimes will and sometimes will not tie together.
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I am very excited. That's a good sign.
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Back When

“Mom, what was I like?” I braced myself on her kitchen counter.
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“You were tough,” she said. “You wouldn’t take no for an answer. And your brother had such a hard time. You didn’t help me.”
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"But Mom, I was only five."
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She paused for a moment, weighed this. “That’s true,” she said.

Angelina

The daycare door has glass of both sides of it and every time, the therapist stands there waiting until the child sees her. Every time their eyes run to one another before that wide smile and little feet reach the woman and she is scooped up, laughing. They are jubilant. They walk to the room between rooms where once or twice each week others pass through while they play and while they play they talk about bad things that should not have happened. She is only four, no, she is finally five—a birthday party with her foster family the week after Christmas. . She asks the therapist why she did not come. She answers she was away, tells her next year she will try.
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For Christmas the therapist gave her a magic wand to shoo the monsters away, although she has to say ‘Go way Monsters!’ out loud for it to work, and the therapist taught her a song to use in the long moments, when she is kidnapped again, this time by the truth that her mother has left her, will not be returning, that the bedtime game her uncle and aunt taught her was oddly not right, when her mind and body intersect at the stillpoint where she is really alone.
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There is really no one, not in the way it should be for her. She will turn fourteen in bewilderment, probably open wide at the wrong times for the wrong reasons, the wrong people. There is no way around that. The therapist and the child swing their hands together and walk back to her classroom. The therapist helps her put words to it, washes her in love. It’s not enough, She has the wand and the song, she needs them, and of course the love counts. But she is only five. A week ago she was only four, and now she is only five..

Catherine
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I told Catherine she sounded heartless and she laughed.
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“I’ve been told that before,” she said.
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I stopped trusting her then and there but it was much longer before I stopped loving her. And when I did stop loving her, I rearranged the furniture so the love that had been a rattan rocker was replaced by a light weight folding chair, just in case she decided to stop by and stop laughing.
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How It Ends
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It wasn’t normal for Paul to answer first, but it was right because he was better braced, more able.
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“Matthew called”, the woman said. “He has a gun, at the Motel 6. He told me to tell you he’s sorry, that he loves you.”
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In January they stood freezing in the parking lot for 90 minutes, until the slow gait of the Police Chief told them. “He’s gone,” he said.
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And with that, a mother and father, imperfect and frightened for the better part of 18 years, stopped answering their phone and canceled all holidays. They revised their memories and forfeited their capital.
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And on the afternoon when the headlights finally blinded them, compromised by wind and rain on Route 16, they were ready.

28 comments:

  1. KJ you cannot foresee the future ... no, not even you. You worry for your young friend and I see the love you have for her. And even if it isn't enough to change her future completely, it is enough to help change it's course. Believe me. Love really does heal. Yes it also has the potential to rip our hearts out too, but then that is not inevitable either.

    I love the way you write. These snippets would whet anyones appetite. xx Jos

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  2. Each section pulls the reader along nicely. The idea of how this all ties together is yours alone for now but it seems that of you keep this same level of energy in the writing it will tie up nicely.

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  3. oh i agree with the others, i could settle down on the couch and keep reading each snippet!
    and I see that you, like me, wish to heal the world and all who reside in it..... sigh ..... and like me I think a part of you realises you cant heal and/or help everyone, while another part of you tells you to just put your head down and heal and help and love whomever steps on your path, that you can do anything ...... given half a chance.
    LOL soul sisters indeed.
    xxsm

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  4. LOVE THESE!! What an honor to see and hear them happen this past weekend. You rock, KJ! And I just love Emily -- her post had me in stitches. :) I hope she saved you a couple jellybeans ...

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  5. "when her mind and body intersect at the stillpoint where she is really alone."...this sentence grabbed me and brought tears to my eyes.

    Each section made me want to read more. And I feel, as well, this book will rip apart some of your tightly sewn seams, kj. It's got great energy already. When I read parts of a book and then become somewhat angered because there is no more to read, I know it's going to be good!

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  6. Hello, dear Twinkles!

    You are an incredible writer, do you know that? I love that you are starting another book!

    The stories of Angelina always tear at my heart. . . There is just too much suffering in the world. Whenever I think about it, I'm overwhelmed with grief.

    Love to you and JB and Jess and her beautiful family, dear Heart Sister.
    xoxoxoxo
    Angela

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  7. i see this is where you are using real life experiences and you are "supposed" to write about what you know and have experienced and I am speechless, great stuff! Real life is the stuff of fiction am I right my friend? If anyone has lived that it is me and you ;)

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  8. Oh. I'm so glad to hear you are writing in earnest now. Good for you!

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  9. Now this, this I could read all day.

    This is my kind of book kj. This is the books I love to read.

    Important. To the point. A paragraph tells a story.

    It is fantastic. Way to go.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  10. WOW intense KJ...Loved them all...I like the others were gripped by the words.

    xoxoxoxoxox Your the first writer I have known...and plan to keep forever lol

    xoxoxoxo

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  11. Each paragraph does tell a story, and you are a tease. I want more.

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  12. I do enjoy your writings. And must go buy your book. Very nice!

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  13. words words words
    write
    write
    write

    me



    beautiful that each part has got an independent identity as well...

    some pearls waiting to be stringed together, eh?

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  14. jos, i read your words and i know you are right, but i wish we knew this FOR SURE! it feels funny that someday years later this little girl may be remembering me long after i'm gone. i hope so. and jos, thanks for being whetted. i am very glad to be visiting one another. xo

    mark, a compliment from you lifts me straight into the air. thank you so much. ♥

    sweetsweetmango, we are soul heart sisters. i knew that long ago. and really, it's not very hard to love everyone (well mostly everyone) along the path. what's the alternative? xoxox

    melissa, twice a year a very good friend of mine comes to # 9 and we have breakfast together in the early morning and we write all day and sing at night. who wouldn't know how special that friend is? ♥

    marion, 'rip apart some of my tightly sewn seams?' yikes, marion, i'm trying to sew things back together! :) thank you for your comments and support. so far, so good. i am enthused! ps i hope you feel better, dear heart sister. that flu really really got you...

    twinkle twin, thank you thank you. i don't know if i am an incredible writer or not, but i know i'm doing the best i can. do you know you are an incredible painter? and a wonderful friend?
    xoxo

    val, me and you. ah, yes. i might call this book 'mostly memoir' because as you know much of it will be real. but not all of it-- that way i can be raw and real without worrying so much about revealing too much of myself or others. i know you know from whence i come, my dear friend. that means so much. i love you, together strong val! ♥

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  15. cs, i am psyched. it is a good feeling. if i trip over myself writing page after page of 'poor me', i 'm not likely to do that in short paragraphs! you'll have a bird's eye view of some of this! xo

    renee, thank you moon sister. that means alot. i imagine thi book on your night table and i squeal under my breath! xoxoxo

    mim! you son of a gun, you get this!

    LD, i would be honored for you to buy my book. thank you.

    sonia, you know, i want to have a cup of coffee with you someday. i really do. :)

    hb, pearls strung together. that is such a helpful image! how i love to see you here, hb. you are my heart sister in a land i pray for. i think of you so often. i hope you know. ♥

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  16. KJ, well, after following your blog for a few months, I knew you could write.....but... these paragraphs are powerful and fascinating.....YOU CAN REALLY WRITE - you draw the reader in immediately. We all want more....
    it will be an enormous project - but, I think, a cathartic one.

    And yes, that little girl will always keep you in her mind and heart.... you are that special....

    Waiting for more!

    Robin

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  17. i know, Karen
    and i feel it

    sometime i'm so down, i think i can never think of the sun anymore...
    then little by little i walk up the darkness... up and up... and see the sun is there... as always...

    and that's the time i notice my friends have been holding my hand... leading me to light...


    love

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  18. kj I am seriously into this book. Can't wait to read more. Love the power punches.

    xoxox

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  19. aw, robin, you are medicine to me. thank you for your support and friendship. really truly.

    hb, if energy and good wishes, and love, could change your situation it would be done just like that. so many care for you, pray, love you, hb. i keep thinking there will be a political change, that governments will change, open up. the world needs that, so i think it is only a matter of time. we cannot sustain all this tension. for you hb, i just want it to happen fast. so you can be free in your expression, your dreams, your life.

    honest to god, if i could help make this happen for you, i would. i start with my prayers and friendship, but i and others have our eyes open for ideas and ways.

    you are a wonderful poet, a wonderful friend. i love you dearly. i am now afraid to say that on your blog so i will say it here. xoxox

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  20. kj, how great to read the writing you did last weekend. And of your excitement about writing. Each section takes me somewhere new.

    I agree w/Jos that you, nor I, can forsee the future and sad as her life is now and has been for 5 or so years, there is time and space for things to heal and turn around even though of course her early history will be there in the background.

    Currently reading Mary Karr's new memoir called Lit. Hard to read to a certain extent. Yet so wonderful to hear about how she pulled herself out of a variety of dark places and also used her excellent memory to write about these places.

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  21. Oh several pots of coffee KJ...cause coffee prices to sky rocket.....I take similarities with emily as a DEEP COMPLIMENT....

    Love ya Lady xoxoxoxoxoxxo

    (pssst, pssst emily - I think my Mom has been snitching on me about how I was as a child and ok now....Cuz she thinks you and I have similarities...But thats ok atleast I know there is someone like me out there, not alone)

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  22. Oo all very intriguing,. I think you'll write an amazing book based on your experiences as a therapist, painful as they are . . and there's no guarantees that five year old well could turn out just fine.

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  23. thanks for beautiful wishes, Karen...

    as a Persian saying goes, describing the joy is half of it coming true...

    so your nice words are already making a difference...

    much love

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  24. suki, thank you for your kind words. your optimism simply tells me that you and i can pull ourselve where ever we want to go. RIGHT?! :)

    sonia, so much coffee that we cause prices to rise? okay, we'll sip and talk for a month! :)
    oh oh, emily is now telling everyone she sees that you and she are related!

    baino, i only hope i write an amazing book. i've certainly had the privilege of knowing some amazing people. xoxo

    hb, aah, what a nice saying. you know, if there IS anything i and we here can do, please send word. that we would try is an understatement. ♥

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  25. oh and hb, today has been so nice being able to talk back and forth abit with you. makes me feel like we are in the same place, which in the great scheme of things, we are.

    xoxo

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  26. where did my comment go? gee whiz kj, i wrote it and i guess in my sleepyness forgot to save it.
    these were fantastic, in every way. what i mean is the content and your writing style.
    i know you enjoyed yourself so much last weekend. will you be able to do one of these again soon?
    xoxo

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  27. lori, my 'big yellow' writing group meets twice a year, a full weekend at a time. it is incredibly special. ♥ x 100

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  28. Kj - terrific - write more!!!!!

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