Sunday, November 04, 2012

Thoughts on Therapy...


Are you laughing? I hope so. This could be my favorite cartoon ever.

I don't talk much about my work as a psychotherapist. The background is that I've always wanted to achieve these two things in my work life: one, successfully running workshops without so much anxiety, and two, being a psychotherapist. 

I am now a psychotherapist even though I don't think I really qualified for the job. But I work in a small mental health agency that serves "culturally diverse" and often very poor clients, many of whom who have had some very serious trauma or neglect or marginalization or abandonment at some point in their lives. I do this after a career in the private sector, often earning four times what I do now. I can do this because I'm at the tail end of working. 

I like the job a lot. I may not continue past next summer and while it is my choice, that also makes me sad. Lately I see half my clients at the clinic and half in their homes. I've been doing this for four years and I'm not sure but I think I may be a very good therapist, even if  I lack the normal training and background.

For this post I wrote out a little background on each of my clients. But I've had wise second thoughts because of confidentiality. So I've deleted all that. Instead I will just tell you this:

age 6, Hispanic, little boy
age 20 Portuguese, young woman
age 48, white, female
age 50, white, male
age 45, black, female.
age 34, black, single mother 
age 40, white, female
age 45, black, male
age 45, white, female
age 13 black, male
age 16, Hispanic, female 
age 37, Hispanic, female
age 29, black, male
age 32, Hispanic, female
age 19, Hispanic, female

I wonder if this information tells you how privileged I am to have such diversity in my life, how much I have learned about poverty and resilience and children and teens and families and culture and trauma and strengths and needs and listening and helping. Would you rather be pushed or understood? I sometimes ask my clients this question. They are often startled for a quick moment, but they get it. Their answer helps me know how to help.

I don't know if there is a point to this post. Other than one day I will not do this work anymore but what I have learned rests in my heart and head for my lifetime.

And you, my friends: would you rather be pushed or understood?

love
kj







23 comments:

  1. Pushed. Not in the you're lazy way but the other back from the edge.

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    1. Hi mark! Yes, back from the edge. Sometimes there's no time to move slowly xoxo

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  2. Is 'both' a choice? And I would be willing to guess that you will be doing this work your entire life. You just might not be receiving a paycheck at some point. :) I'm happy to know there are people like you out there in the world. Caring, smart people who are willing to spend the time, willing to push or to understand. Whatever is needed. xox

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    1. You've just described yourself, Pam. Without a doubt . It is my great honor to call you my friend

      Love
      kj

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  3. As someone considering psychotherapy I find the cross section fascinating. (Too bad the commute to your office is a little out of my way! :) )

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    1. Andrea, the cross section is awesome! I am so glad people are generally comfortable with me, despite differences. Seeing people in their homes and knowing their families has been quite an experience.

      Find yourself a good therapist. The process may well be unsettling but I don't think you'll regret it xoxo

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  4. Understood.
    I'm glad you shared this as I've become rather disillusioned with the blog world and memes. Sometimes I feel like there's this whole world that most people know nothing about and don't want to know anything about. To hear that someone who is successful has taken enough of an interest to meet with marginalized people in their homes is of great encouragement to me. If only there were more of you!

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  5. Ruybe, there are plenty of people like me. Hell, maybe we're a modern version of the Underground Railroad . Don't let discouragement have its way any more than you can help: I agree that the world and the USA seem so mean spirited these days. It's discouraging and confusing. But that is not the corner of the world I want to live in. I carry the burden but I do what I can. That means I try to get as much as I give.

    Come here any time, rubye jack. Good people dwell here, not just me. You, for instance...

    Love
    kj

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  6. up until a few months ago, i worked in mental health as well....did for several years and it def opened my eyes to much of my city that i never would have seen otherwise...

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    1. Hi Brian, I left a comment for you and poof!

      It's always a good thing to see things previously unseen. I'll bet you were good at whatever you did in mental health

      Love
      kj

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  8. understood. i believe we are ultimately meant to learn how to push (or better yet encourage) ourselves.

    so happy to read the update on chase - goddess bless him.

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    1. Hi Amanda xo, I've found that some people have never made one active decision in their whole lives . They have to learn. The people who may benefit from a push are those who say the same thing and stay stuck over and over again. A friend used to tell me 'if you know someone's parachute works and they don't move, maybe a little bling! Off the cliff might be best :-)

      Love
      kj

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  9. Well you know me - I'd much rather be understood than pushed. When I'm pushed, my tendency is to push back!

    I'm grateful that I don't have to see all one kind of patient. I think I'd get bored and I think the range deepens me.

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    1. Cs, I'm getting a kick out of these responses because myself, I would rather be pushed than spend two or three years being understood.

      I know I would get bored too. I love all the differences!

      Love
      kj

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    2. I think I prefer being understood because I do plenty of pushing on my own self. I don't want someone else telling me what to do.

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  10. You are a complete and utter angel for the work you do. My eldest son has been counselling for the past 4 years, a lot of it with the bereavement society. I admire him too for the work he does. I myself have three diplomas of counselling, life coaching and anger management and have always been a 'lay therapist', as people tend to come to me to pour out their troubles and ask for my 'listening ear'. It is very gratifying to be able to help them in some way or other. For me, understanding where a person is and 'being' with them at that place and time is far more important than pushing them to move on. They will do so when they are ready. Very few people have ever understood or even 'got' me, and I value those who do.

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  11. Understood, no question. I push myself enough, don't need any help :-).xoxo

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  12. Dear KJ,

    I just got caught up on your blog - I just love reading here. I somehow feel as though I've known you forever and that I have been to your house for dinner...even though I haven't. Maybe some day I will!!

    As to your questions, either one of those I like to have happen from the inside out. Mostly these days, i love to just go with the flow.

    However, when I was in a crisis when young and in therapy, I thought I wanted to be understood, but I benefitted mostly from being pushed.

    Love you! Silke

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  13. I would like whichever I most needed at the moment.
    Sometimes push comes to shove,,,,and there have been a couple of times I needed that too.
    But I'd love it,,,, if at the end of it all, I will have been understood.
    Bless you kj, you know how I feel about the work that you do.
    Special calling and all that!

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  14. I know how good a therapist you are! No question there. It's part of the reason you write so brilliantly.

    I think push is better for me, most times. It would take too long to understand me, haha! xx

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  15. I loved the cartoon. I noticed that only three of your 15 clients are grown men. I guess that's about what I would have expected.

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