I don't know how to end this book.
I'd guess I've been writing it for three years. I am almost through the last of 400 pages that in some disorder is my first draft. When that is finished, I will begin to craft the book: the characters, the verbs, the scenes and descriptions, the transformation. That last one--transformation--showing how that has happened, will make or break everything.
I am on a third rail for a lot of this story. An authentic ending? I just don't know. I don't know if I (even) (yet) know what would look like.
This morning I got the idea to write three or four different endings. I just might. I just might let all those endings end my book.
I hope I am not writing the most boring flat book of all time. I should delete this sentence right now. I am going to leave it only because another part of me hopes I am writing a classic insightful very good novel. With all my insecurity, I still practice my award speech.
love
kj
Go on a three week binge, and while recuperating write your ending....;-)
ReplyDeleteThree weeks?! Now where am I going to find three weeks? :-)
DeleteJaysus kj I agree with Wander get some peyote vision quest for a week or two and quit being afraid of your own work.
ReplyDeleteMark, you should meet wander
DeleteAm I afraid of
My own work?
Cool it with the insight, albeit accurate :-)
I guess I should have read this before I commented on your poem above...yet the answer is still no, insight is just an objective observation from someone watching you work on a stage in the front window.
DeleteQuite an image, mark! I transported myself to Macy's front font window and I am dressing up the maniquins.
DeleteWhich in a way I am :-)
Thanks for watching xoxo
I have no wisdom to suggest. I've never written a book; I don't know how to start, let alone end.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Bear hugs.
Blessings and beat hugs count ♥
DeleteKaren, I know the "right" ending will arise as you go through the revision process. writing 3-4 endings to just be there as you revise sounds great to me. but maybe a "new" ending with just come from the process ahead.
ReplyDeletecongratulations on completing the first draft. it was a long hard journey, because of being so close to your heart. it drew you through your own emotions and feelings, doubts and fears at the same time as another part of you wrote on with courage.
i have written a number of novels and know how difficult it can be at times. i always felt the first draft was sort of exhilarating. the crafting of the material in a second draft, for that you might be (as I am when I write) one step back from the passion, using your skills to hone words, dialogue etc etc.
it will all come together. you are so talented and have the energy and desire to work through to the perfect novel and the perfect ending, wabi-sabi like ie: imperfect, impermanent and incomplete.
i think some writer said our written work is never complete really. you could spend your whole life revising. but who wants to do that. at some point one just steps back and says, enough. it is done.
blessings to you, suki sorry, i do go on about writing process.
Thank you thank you thank you suki. I will read this again and again. I can't wait to step from the passion and craft the novel. To read it for the first time...
DeleteXoxo
I doubt it will be boring! Congratulations...I agree with Suki about spending your whole life revising. I was told by a writing teacher that if I kept revising a piece, as I'd been doing, that I was losing the freshness of it. I'd actually ruined it, by trying to make it better. But I felt there was always going to be a better word, a better beginning and a better ending, if I just tried to find them hard enough!
ReplyDeleteI was very thankful for that particular teacher.
I can't wait to read your book, no matter which ending you choose! xx
Marion, kind of like working dough too much ;-)
DeleteThank you always for your always support. You know this book more than most xoxo
I cannot even imagine how to begin to write a novel and am in such awe of you! And I cannot imagine anything coming from you being boring in the least!! And I'm sure the ending will come to you as you keep writing... Love, Silke
ReplyDeleteIt's as thrilling as painting an interesting woman, silke :-)
DeleteLove
kj
kj,
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful to hear that you've completed (nearly) your first draft. I think that although it may be abit of a hard task to start the crafting process, that maybe the ending will arrive in a way that surprises you, and rewards.
I love that you write, and share your struggle.
For over 20 years I've been working, in bits and spurts, on a childrens' picture book, based on the stories of growing up in the prairies, told to me by an older friend, who has now passed on. I do believe, that at some point I may feel good enough with it, that I will give it to a local publisher, and see what they think.
For me, it would be a way of sharing this lovely, articulate women's experiences and passing on her experiences to the future.(This 81 year old women had led an interesting life, as the registrar of the Canadian Institute for the Blind, all her working life, and was a writer of short stories. The stories she told me, were of the animals on her farm, horses, small animals, and her beloved dog.)
Children love old stories of how things used to be I think. But I also think that when the time is right, then I will get to it. Everyone works at their own pace, I guess. :)
I also dream of beginning to write, possibly short stories. And think I may start soon - again on my own timetable.
When I read about others experiences with writing, it gives me abit more sense that writing is a possibility. That's why I say thanks for sharing. :)
Good luck with your book kj.
Cheers!
Brenda
Begin , Brenda. Why not? Even one sentence a day. :-)
Delete:-) You go girl! I love that you practice your award speech. I love that you leave in what you first think to remove.
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I love this comment!
Deletexoxo
Kj, Maybe it is just my mood, but I can hear some desperation in this post. I am happy that you have got this far. I wish you all the luck on the ending.
ReplyDeleteI having been painting crap for two weeks and I am stuck, stuck, stuck, feeling like I will never finish a painting ever again.
I also know that I have to keep working to get through it. And I know I will get through it and you my dear will polish your book and find your perfect ending. xoxo
Not desperation Annie, more like fear . ;-)
DeleteI know you will not stay stuck. no way !
♥
So proud of you dearest...what a feat...now is that your kitchen in the header? It's so warm and inviting I bet it is...wish I could pop by and share a chat....
ReplyDeleteChrisy, yes, that's my kitchen and little den. I love it myself!
DeletePop by and I'll make you cookies :-)
oh i hear this hear this hear this......
ReplyDeletekeep practicing your award speech dear kj - you are classic and insightful, so your novel surely is as well.