Animal Wednesday: Part 2 Getting Out of Trouble by Emily V. V. Rabbit

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Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. First here is the easy part:

How to Stay Out of Trouble

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Don't even try. Life without getting in trouble is too much honor society and not enough detention. And detention is where the chalk flies and the notes get passed. You shouldn't miss that part.

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How to Get Out of Trouble

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1. Never sit on your tail: That puts you in a weak and awkward position and then you have to worry about your balance. Tie your tail with an imaginary string to the back of an imaginary hook on the back of your real head if you need to. Then you can sit down like you own the place.

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2. Look like you are going to throw something big: You do this by swinging your arms back and forth and turning your head back and forth like you are very upset and looking for something. This takes the focus off you and puts it on the other person's self protection.

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3. Start with a quiet boohoohoohooboohoo and build it up (about 30 seconds) until it is a medium BOOHOOHOOHOOBOOHOO and if that doesn't work end with a large BOOHOOHOOHOOBOOHOO and add three extra BOOBOOHOO'S and stretch it out for at least 45 seconds. This should disturb someone so much they will either feel sorry for you or want to get rid of you fast.

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4. Compliment the person's haircut. Most people don't think their hair looks good and they will like hearing this so much they might be nice to you.

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5. Say that the last time you were in trouble your Mother punished you for two years and you're afraid if she does that again you will miss the best part of your childhood.

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6. Casually mention your supply of frozen Brussels sprouts and how fast they shoot from your pellet gun.

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7. Start saying the Catholic 'Hail Mary' prayer out loud and maybe even kneel down. They will think something is wrong with you and maybe give you a break. But don't say Hail anyone else because it will sound very weird, don't you think?

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8. Mention that you have an Uncle Bunny who gives big presents to people he doesn't know and if you need to also say that he was best friends with Janis Joplin.

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9. Pretend you don't speak English or whatever language someone is talking to you and just keep saying WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH.

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10. Keep a photograph of your family and pull it out while you start crying, saying they've been through enough already and is it possible you could do community service to spare them the pain of further problems?

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If anyone has any other ideas of course please say so because it's always a good idea to know how to get out of trouble and you should know that I have already tried six of these and five of them worked really great and the sixth one would have worked if it hadn't involved that church meeting and those little kids who got sick from the multicolored rabbit pellets.

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If you are not getting into any trouble, please think about that because it's not normal and it probably means you are not having enough fun, which would cause trouble later on anyway.

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Sincerely,

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Emily Rabbit