Well! Would you believe that I was stopped by the police in Provincetown for destruction of property, stealing, and profanity? Gregory Squirrel and I were brought to the police station and it was very hard because Gregory kept whimpering and whispering to me that he was going to be punished for a year which to him meant ‘no nuts, no trees, no swings, no nibbles.” He said that could ruin his life and he looked so sad about it all that I figured I had better figure out how to get us out of trouble—fast, which I can do if I really concentrate so that is what I did and it worked out okay, whew.
I knew that falling to the floor and kicking my feet in the air while crying very loud was not going to work because it really didn’t work the time I was arrested at the church board meeting and besides the floor looked hard and I wasn’t sure if it was clean enough to roll and have a temper tantrum on so I had to think fast and I decided I would use the charm approach Uncle Bunny taught me when my teacher was going to give me an F just because I didn’t do my homework and because one time I hid under my desk eating radishes when everyone else was taking a test on Famous Rabbits in History. That time I told my teacher that JB was very sick and I had to help her because she was alone and she needed someone sweet and solicitous like me to bring her water and carrots and pills and sometimes a cold facecloth for her head. I was lucky that JB did not squeal on me, which she very well could have and might have if she found out she was sick.
So Gregory and I are in the police station and this horrible man is yelling that we left garbage under his tree (who in their right mind calls carrot leaves and jelly bean wrappers garbage? Obviously there is something wrong with him but that was not my problem because if he doesn’t know the value of things like this that is his problem and isn’t it sad?)
Anyway, he is yelling and saying that he is going to leave poison in his yard if the police cannot promise him that Gregory and I will never bother him again, which is so stupid because who could promise that about a squirrel and a rabbit who understand how to have fun and aren’t afraid to have a good time, except that it didn’t help that Gregory’s cheeks were now quivering and I could tell he especially regretted the part about the lollipop wrappers.
oh, this is going to have to be Part 1 because I am very tired from having to be so charming even though it did work and Gregory and I are planning that the next time we swing in that tree we will not drop lollipop wrappers but we are going to drop something else that might not be nice.
Not being nice is a way to get out of trouble but only if you're desparate and you've already tried being charming, which usually works, but I am too tired to tell you how so there will need to be a Part 2.