Am I old?
I am overweight and my back hurts. I have a titanium knee and I've lost stamina.
But am I old?
My friends are raising the subject more than I'm used to. I hear wisdom cautioning that time is precious. I hear concern that anything can happen.
I can't keep up with my grand kids. I have to brace myself to hop up from a seated position.
I worry that I might not wake up from anesthesia.
I like to cook more than ever and I like to cook most for my family. I'm pulling my papers together just in case.
Does any of this make me old?
I will turn sixty-seven in August. That is three short of seventy. Seventy is old. Isn't it?
I only work at what I choose. I worry less.
Am I old?
Am I or am I not?
Here I am and the time is now. Here. And Now.
I have goals.
Write this book. Get it published. Acclaim.
Write another book. Same thing.
Influence my grand kids to be astonished. To notice. To be kind.
Stand in front of a moving train for my Jessica.
Smile in the morning: Hello dear JB. How did you sleep? Let's have a good day today!
Teach. Workshops. Develop my own. In Provincetown. By the sea.
Hold tight to my sexual sensual self. Passion. Wild passion for years ahead.
Landscape another yard. In Provincetown.
Back to Italy. Back to France. Forward to Elsewhere.
Does this sound like I am old?
And
Does it even matter?
love
kj
I am 67 in July and I am old, but the thing is I don't give it that much thought because there's no time for it. I don't have your ambition or that much that remains undone but I suppose I've come to terms with it all and accepted that yes, I am old. But so what.
ReplyDeleteindeed so what, rubye jack. age becomes significant when there are health problems or limitations. but i do think i look ahead more these days: and i appreciate more.
Deletemy worse fear is boredom. i don't ever want that.
you have a great attitude.
love
kj
I'll be fifty two this fall. Some days I feel old and others I feel young but everyday I realize that time is slipping away. I could live to be ninety or die tomorrow, or in ten years. I work with cancer patients, my youngest patient was six, my oldest in her nineties. None of us knows how long we'll have but cancer makes me thinks everyday about what I want to spend my precious time on.
ReplyDeleteI've thought I would like to write down my thoughts for my children when I'm gone and my grandchildren but of course it seems I never have time:)
Wishing you many years ahead filled with travel, grandchildren, wet sloppy kisses and cooking.
deb, why not write? i use my blog here for that to some degree. yours is a living journal as well.
Deletethat's the thing: we now know something could happen in a flash. i don't think my 36 year old daughter thinks about that, at least not too much, and i'm glad
not sure about wet and sloppy :^)
love
kj
My thoughts swing a wide arc on this one. Some days I am all about getting in shape and raging against the aches and pains. Other days I am "to everything there is a season" and I accept that I am coming into the winter of my years and hope that I will go through the changes gracefully.
ReplyDeleteI remember once asking my 87 year old mother how she felt about aging and she said "I still look at the world with 20 year old eyes."
I hope I can always do that.
hi 8! i favor wide arcs.
Deletemy 98 year old mother feels the way your mother does. her memory is shot, she is in a wheelchair but doesn't know it, and yet, she is vibrantly alive. "bring me back at least once," she's told me. "who wouldn't want to live?"
love
kj
Oh, for heaven's sakes, snap out of it, will you. I'll be 69 in September; I'm physically limited and subject to major depression. I cannot keep up with the grandchildren, but I'm pretty good at faking it. On the other hand, I'm not old, and neither are you! You are young until you reach the age of 80; thereafter you are venerable. Please keep those distinctions in mind!
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Bear hugs!
Rob, I might still be young at 80, and you too :-) actually I feel pretty good about myself . Not to mention I am finally exercising at the y and my body is happy about that.
DeleteI fake it with the kids too , until they start running :-)
Love
kj
Kj...you are an inspiration...I am sober...and I have finaly stabilized...I had to be in a position where the psych stuff was dialed in before I attempted the sober part...you were tenatious in telling me that I needed sober and you were right, just had your timing a bit off of what I was capable of. From the kindness you showed me I never even thought of you having any age...are you old? Only if you think you are...
ReplyDeleteChris
Chris, I am so so so glad. Congratulations .
DeleteMy timing was probably off because of my belief in your capacity.
One day at a time now,
Love
kj
Ps Chris, no I am not old. Not even... xo
DeleteThe wet sloppy kisses would be from grandchildren and dogs of course:) Take care.
ReplyDeleteOh hahaha! That's a different story! :-)
DeleteThis is our Human Experience. It all has purpose and meaning. I have always believed that as our bodies age, we are to become more of our spirits...our spirit will live forever. This I know to be true.
ReplyDelete**kisskiss**
Deb
Deb, I never looked at life and aging in this way before and I think you are so wise and very correct. And I do know also that our spirits may transform but they and all our love live on forever
ReplyDeleteLove always, deb
kj
Nope. Deciding what counts as old seems pretty arbitrary to me. Better to just live.
ReplyDeletecs, it does get a bit dicier in the 60's. I'm often surprised how often my friends mention physical issues...
DeleteLove
kj
There's been so much research done in recent years that points to age being something that each person metabolizes differently, and that your mental attitude is key.
ReplyDeleteYour mental attitude overflows with passion, so no - you are not old!
Thanks Amanda xo
DeleteI'm in pretty good shape! And passion of all kinds: yes!
Love
kj
In a word? No!
ReplyDeleteKay, in a word, kiss kiss :-)
DeleteLove
kj
No it doesn't matter sweet lady. No matter our age, the time that's gone before has gone in the blink of an eye. We are who we are right now, in this moment. Yes the physical body gets worn, but that's not who we are is it. We're timeless and utterly glorious.
ReplyDeleteI agree, dear Chrissy. Not to say I like that my body needs more care to do less. I'm liking the gym. Thankfully!
DeleteWhat have you been up to? I hope all is well
Love
kj
Kj, I had no idea you were 9 years older than me, no you are only as old as you think you are. Many people are old at 20, some like my 94 year old friend Kath are never old.
ReplyDeleteOld is all a thought in the mind. Be in the moment and love all of them and you are never old :-). xoxo
Annie, yes yes and yes. There are realities too and I don't want to pretend they aren't going to insist on my attention. Weight loss is one: it's become harder (dammit!)
ReplyDeleteLove your outlook always, Annie
Love
kj
Dunno kiddo, are you old? Or just wise? Ever heard the one that starts out "give no thought to the morrow..."
ReplyDelete