Sunday, March 30, 2014

Rambles


1. No Spring yet. No sun, no warmth, no seedlings breaking through a very wet ground. But one of these days it will be 60 degrees here and I will be reclaiming my yard and planting lettuce and petunias in my half circle garden. My loves: family, friends, writing, camera, Provincetown, gardening. The future is bright.

2. Has anyone else checked out the iPhone app "Waterlogue? This is what it does to regular photos: makes them into watercolors. The app cost is $ 2.99 and I think it's the deal of the century because it is super simple and super fun. And speaking of deals, I'm also loving my monthly Groovebook. For the same cost of $ 2.99 a month, up to 100 photos from my iPhone each month are printed and bound into a photo book, then mailed to me. If you go on line and put in the code JASPER16 you'll get a book for free. No mailing costs ever. It's pretty cool.



3. I am writing and sending out queries to agents and publishers. I have been languishing on my second book for going on three years now, maybe more, and there are legitimate reasons why I don't bring myself to finish it. SO! I've put it aside and have begun a new novel--four siblings and their mother. My favorite character is the oldest sister, Claudia, who maintains her affair with a married man by donning costumes and wigs. I am fired up to write again. It's a great thing for me.

4. I thought this brief essay might be a blog post but it doesn't feel okay to let it stand by itself. So here it is tucked in to other rambles. Has this ever happened to you? 

Have you ever loved anyone who hated you? It's an odd awful thing.

There is no way around it; no minds to change, no errors to mend.  The light of it is well in the past and so it will stay. But every once in a while my senses viscerally remember how deeply and mutually love and whimsy and creativity was given and shared.  But--we were both obsessed. Even with full good lives we couldn't keep a distance.  There was no solution. 

At any point, even through a bad ending,  I was not prepared for hatred. Even now I rail against such an ending.  I became villain and vilified and that was that. My friends told me this was someone without a conscience. I knew some of that was true. But I went too far, myself--I romanticized what was not and I failed to settle for something less. My part was not good. 

Even so, something dormant inside me became alive and has stayed alive and now the  barbs and bitterness no longer reach me and they likely are no longer even formed into thought. 

Still, it is somehow not right to be hated by someone you loved.

5. What the heck is the right and best balance for an unbridled creative life that is also responsible and steady? This image, posted on Facebook by my friend Lo, is pretty telling. This explains why I hate the chores!

                                 (click on the image to enlarge)

Enough rambles for today. Slowly and surely I am going to be blogging more often and I am so glad.  

Love
kj 










18 comments:

  1. kj,
    The waterpainting effect in the images is very lovely.
    Spring is seeming to be slow all over, but won't it be great when it arrives.
    I'm sorry to hear you felt hated, that is difficult, I would think, but at the same time possibly it made you stronger.Because you would not have hurt back.
    Your novel sounds interesting and fun. good luck!
    Thanks for dropping by my blog, to check on me, I am doing good.
    It's always nice to have your drop by. :) In fact, it helped me today, feel less cut off. (Just a quiet slightly boring Sunday)
    Take care, friend. :)
    Brenda


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    1. brenda, the pleasure is mine. i'm glad i spruced up your sunday bait :^)

      thank you for your very kind words, now and always. take care likewise and ditto xo

      love
      kj

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  2. To answer your question, I don't know if I have ever been hated by someone I loved, but I have been totally ignored by someone I cared a great deal for. And wow, yes, that hurt.

    I have such admiration for writers. I'm glad you are finding your voice again. I'll be here reading.

    Carry on.

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    1. much appreciated, ms. 8. being ignored's pretty tough too. but hatred zooms to a whole other level. finally, no expectations…

      thanks for reading my words. means a lot to me

      love
      kj

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  3. I looked online - they say they are working on a version of Waterlogue for the Mac - I much prefer to do my photo editing on my desktop, so I think I'll wait for that.

    That person was twisted. You know that, right?

    AND, the next several days are going to be int he 70's here!

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    1. cs, i have a feeling if you uploaded the app on your iPhone you'd have some fun as is. it is probably the simplest app on the planet. there are 7 or 8 choices and each one turns your photos into a painting right before your eyes.

      thank you very much for that reminder. i do know that, though i wish it were otherwise.

      and: enjoy that weather. it must be a different relationship with your yard and gardens this year. i will face that here next year and i'll be both excited and sad.

      love to you
      kj

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  4. I am thrilled by your photos turned watercolours. They are so classy!

    No spring here yet, except for my spring cold, which is not thrilling. GGGRRR.

    Loving someone who hates me? Cannot recall being in that situation. Would be awkward — to put it mildly.

    Keep writing. some day something will fall into place, and you'll write the Great American Novel — complete with Pulitzer.

    Blessings and Bear hugs, kj. (And I will write on the other matter.)

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    1. man, your weather, rob. i think you have a month longer of raw chill than i here in new england.

      no awkwardness: not someone i will see. but hard to fathom. it's toughened me up about endings and that's probably good all around.

      write anytime, mr. bear. i hope you are today feeling better.

      love
      kj

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  5. That app is the coolest (and that first foto of the heart cloud - did you take it?)

    Anyone who hates is disconnected from their ability to love. I would bless them and hope they find a way to correct their dis-ability and then let them go from your life. You don't need that kind of energy in your field.

    As a fellow writer, I empathize with your recent decision. I often work on two things during the same day. I like the variety of switching back and forth between projects, and it actually helps keep me more focused. Keep up the good fight, KJ. Anytime you take one step towards the Universe, it takes two steps towards you.

    xx

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    1. amanda, the photo comes from FB. one thing about FB: i find compelling images. (often without accreditation, which is not so good).

      i love your words here, amanda. thank you most sincerely.

      i like variety too. but how i delay querying. i am going to try to stick with it.

      love
      kj

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  6. love waterlogue, so much fun!
    As usual your writing is amazing. I remember years ago coming here to read installations of the Light Stays on. I was mesmerized.

    xoxo mim

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    1. Ah Mim: you bought the first book first. My first sale. I didn't know then you would be my dearest friend. I think I am going to love the characters in this new book. So far I am getting to know three of the five :-)

      Love
      kj

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  7. Am so glad you will be writing and blogging again, have been a bit absent myself these days but have managed to sneak a peek thru other blog net curtains keeping an eye on you all!

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    1. Thank you sag. It is do nice to see you here

      Love
      kj

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  8. I'm excited for you! A new book...a drive to write!!! Awesome. Love the brain images. So true eh? I can do the watercolor thing with Photoshop, but I am definitely checking out Groovebook! Muwah!

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  9. Annie!!!! I have missed you! I see there is a new poem to read--so glad.

    You will love groovebook.

    Love
    kj

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  10. Hi kj, We had Spring here for a few weeks, but it snowed two days ago and brought back Winter, this is common for Taos. I have no iphone way beyond my single artists budget! I don't miss it though, my friends that have them are obsessed and do little else, but play on it :-). Glad you are fired up about writing again!
    Let the past go, not a thing you can do about how someone feels about you. The love of my life does not love me back, he does not hate me, but still I know how it feels. Move forward and send that person love.
    I hate the chores, my house is in bad need of cleaning, but I would rather paint until one day I know I have to clean LOL.
    Love and hugs,
    xoxo

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  11. I love your rambles, that never take on a rambling tone or mood. Always thoughtful and fun. Now, about #3.......I am so impressed that you are writing another book. I imagine beginning one, but have not plot so what's the point?!!! I wish NaNoWriMo was not in November, as the holidays begin and life is full. At least that has been my excuse heretofore. But, really, it does seem like a good way for someone like me (plotless) to spill out some lit!

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