Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. You are looking at my new business! I'm going to call it the Mean & Green Shooter Company and I know you are going to be impressed when I tell you the details, which I haven't discussed yet with my business manager Jos but I am I am sure she is going to be really excited because I think we are both going to be very rich, which for me means all the jellybeans I will ever want in my whole life.
As you hopefully know I think it is very healthy and sometimes essential that you throw something as hard as you can when someone hurts your feelings or is mean to you or even when you are sad. If the situation is medium serious you should throw frozen peas and if it is really really serious, you can also through frozen brussel sprouts.
But now: I am introducing frozen avocados!! They fit perfectly in your hand and their shape makes them travel like a small rocket if you need to really really really make a point with someone who deserves it, or even if you just want to get mad or sad by yourself and throw frozen avocados at the back of someone's garage.
I know what you're thinking. Frozen avocados are a dime a dozen and why buy them from me and Jos if you can just go to the grocery store and get them there?
HA! This is where the Mean & Green comes in! The Mean & Green Shooter company includes a SLINGSHOT and you will be able to recycle the avocado pit after you are done throwing the frozen avocado and pull out the pit and you won't believe how far it will travel when you shoot it with the slingshot. If you need to see an example here is one I drew myself:
I have to admit that I got the idea of the pit and the slingshot from Anne and kj says that it is really her idea so I will need to pay her some percentage of the profits.
Imagine how easily you can bop someone on the head with an avocado pit and you'll be far enough away that you won't even get caught, but you have to remember to hide the slingshot because that might give it away.
Even kj says she can think of at least three people she would aim the avocado pit at.
Are you really really impressed?
But I still have a few things to think about:
1. How much do I have to pay Anne for her slingshot idea?
2. Do I need to worry about getting sued?
3. Is it a problem that the average avocado will thaw within an hour?
4. Is it a good idea to include examples of when you should use the Mean and Green Shooter?
5. How much can I charge for two avocados and one slingshot?
My Uncle Bunny, who don't forget was Janis Joplin's road manager, is going to be very proud of me, don't you think so?
I may give a discount to certain people....
Most Sincerely, Emily V.V. Rabbit, Proprietor
Ha! Now I know what they mean when they say that revenge is best served cold ;)
ReplyDeletexo
Kristin
I don't want to rain on your parade (look at it like I am saving you $$$ and jail time) but buying, selling and the use slingshots is illegal in Massachusetts... ask me how I know...
ReplyDeleteAnswers:
ReplyDelete1) a milliion dollars
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) Yes
5) a gazillion dollars
Now can I get a percentage cause I completed your marketing study?
So kj knows only three huh? Me, I have a long list..what does that mean...perhaps I just prefer rabbits to people..This slingshot can come in handy for sure...
ReplyDeletekristin, what a great marketing strategy. you are a genius!
ReplyDeletecindy or stumpy, do you know i cannot afford to be in jail one more time? i have no bail options left,( kj is mean to me sometimes)
so.....how do you know??????
mim, i will play your answers by jos and i think she will have some questions. plus you have given anne hope that translates to a LOT of jellybeans!
ms. cat, kj had a list of 103 but she changed it because she thought it made her seem grouchy. and, 47 of her 103 were the same person. i told her that was wasteful. ps since you prefer rabbits to people, would you like to be friends with me? i am a handful but i'll throw frozen vegetables on your behalf. send me your list
sincerely
emily r.
Can't you freeze something icky....like beets, or brussel sprouts? Why you gotta hate on the avocados? *sniff*
ReplyDeleteBWA-HAHAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteI knew you'd get this up and running Emily~~good job!
If you want to keep the avocados frozen longs, use dry ice or spring for liquid nitrogen. Then those puppies wouldn't melt at ALL.
It might be a few days before you could retrieve the pit for secondary ammo!
As to payment....yep. You owe me something but I'm working on that and I'll send you an e-mail.
It's all good; we'll work it out.
As for a LIST, oh yes, I have a list to try this on too....one big fat sucker right at the top and then is is random from there.
Well done; I think you've got a money maker! :-)
XXOO~~
Anne
Mmmmm...avocados. Just the thought of avocados makes me feel warm and fuzzy and crave tortilla chips. How about I let you use me for target practice? Heh? Only don't freeze the avocados first, and I'll bring my catcher's mitt. :) xox!
ReplyDeletePS Your blog exists today!
a most original concept. i just hope i am not on anyone's target list. LOL
ReplyDeletedear emily,
ReplyDeleteyou might want to come here:
http://www.avofest.com/
it's a good place to find ammunition. (i sampled some of the guacamole today.)yum.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Wine and Words,
ReplyDeleteThe International Beet Association cannot comprehend why you would betray the poor beet in defense of the avocado.
We cannot speak for the South American Brussel Sprouts Union.
Sincerely
I. M. Beet
Marketing Manager
anne, dry ice or spring for liquid nitrogen? can i handle that? i am still a little rabbit, you know. will it burn my fur? or my whiskers? i got your email and your fee is very good. send me your list especially that first one and i'll aim for you.
ReplyDeletepam, but if they're not frozen will they throw as fast? okay, you can be part of the quality control thingy. can you catch? are you sure?
ms. suki, ahahahahhaha!
lori, look for me! i'll be wearing a purple polka dot bikini.
yours truly
e.r.
Emily,
ReplyDeleteMake KJ spring for a pair of heavy cotton welders gloves for you. I have some but they are too big or I would send them. I am SURE you've earned them by now! (besides they let you handle HOT things too!!!) Then you can really get this company running! You might even get a contract with the DOD~~and then you'd be rolling in jelly beans forever, trust me....
XXOO~~
Your partner in crime, errr, business ideas,
Anne
Hi, Emily!
ReplyDeleteWow! What a cool job; working with frozen avocados.
I'm still worried that you may do jail time for counselling people to keep illegal weapons (i.e., slingshots). You know that the Homeland Security Humans have no sense of humour about those kinds of things (illegal weapons). And if the Police Humans thing there may be a sort of reason to possibly bash your head in for something that potentially might be a crime, they will.
Here are my suggestions.
1. Get rid of the slingshot bit before you get your head bashed in while you're being thrown in jail.
2. Learn from us Bears, whose motto is, "Be cool, but stay warm."
Wow Emily, cool idea! We are going to be soooo rich with this one I can just tell. So when do we start? Oh and one other thing can we make a version with trebuchets as well as catapults because I really like trebuchets and they're fun to build.
ReplyDeleteOh and by the way did you know that Europeans call slingshots catapults and pits are stones? See it's pretty useful having a bi-lingual business manager don't you think?
I think the only bit of Mims advice we should strictly abide by is number 5! How many is a gazillion do you think? I bet it's enough to buy a lot of jelly beans anyway ... and maybe even a few doughnuts for me to share with KJ and Anne which is only fair don't you think? Yippee! xx Jos
Right now I want to buy your whole stock!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have someone in mind who can get the whole load in one time and I am not kidding.
Think this is a wonderful idea but how do I get those frozen avocados here in no-time?
Please make sure to use lots of dry ice for the shipping so they arrive ready to trow here.
I knew in my darkest hour I could count on you my best friend!
please send them over soon dear
love and hugs
♥M
Ps maybe you can hop in the box so you can help me to trow here?
ReplyDeleteI'm going to rain on your parade Emily because I'm all about peace ;)
ReplyDeleteI will agree that it's a well designed plan though!
And I want to tell you what your sling shot looks like but I might get deleted by the blog administrator :P
hahahahahahah!!
xoxoxo
lololo
anne, there are some of those gloves in the garage, but i can be clumsy, you know. i can hold carrots and beets without a shake but i'm not so sure about nitrogen. i think i need a distributor. jos might know.
ReplyDeletemr. rob-bear, head bash?! probably a bear can handle such a thought but i am only a little rabbit that is very scary language, not to mention if it were true and then that would be the saddest thing that ever happened so thankfully i am not thinking about it and instead why don't you and i talk about money and awards instead?
jos oh jos! trebuchets! what are they? yes build one please!!!! i am currently at the avocado festival in california and kj's friend lori i think is going to help me but what will i do if they agree to send me 3000 avocados and they expect me to pay for them? kj said absolutely not to borrow money from lori and especially not to tell her that i will pay her back. let's start NOW jos. we're in business! what do you think about this liquid nitrogen idea of anne's? and how are we going to market this fantastic product? and do you think the 'stones' could cause permanent damage because that could be bad. ps. that lo is such a phony. i KNOW she throws frozen peas, i've seen her temper and it's everybunny for herself
dear my best friend marianne, WHO is giving you a hard time??? jos is in england and i know i can make arrangements for her to shoot the avocados fast, isn't england just a few minutes from you? anyway marianne, GRRRRRRR to that person and what can i do too because you are my best friend and i will even throw frozen watermelons if that is needed.
ReplyDeletelololo, HAHAHAHAHHHA! no one will believe you lololo because i have PICTURES of you throwing frozen peas with a little shooter AND rolling and dropping frozen PUMPKINS on the feet of certain people. plus what you do mean about that slingshot? is this something i am too little to understand? p.s. kj learned about the sex life of dragonflies yesterday and you won't even believe it!!!
sincerely
emily rabbit
kj says i am wordy. now why would she say that?
ReplyDeletee.r.
Emiwee....I am late..(as usual)...what a greeeeeattt idea!
ReplyDeleteSince I still wive in California, can I be your West Coast Distwibutor? We have avocados most of the year...
We must be sure not to use the whole world's supply though....gotta have some for Guaccamole!!
Wuv,
♥ Wrobin ♥
dear emily,
ReplyDeletei wish i had read this post earlier - i've been throwing out a lot of avocados lately. try as i may, i never seem to be able to time the ripeness after purchase....so too often what i had hoped would be a delicious lunch has turned into a collapsed, soggy oval. sigh.
haha - love kristin's new tagline for your product!
Sorry to have scared you, Emil. But it' a tough world out there. Even for us Bears.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I think there is good money in head-bashing of people — not so much, maybe in head-bashing rabbits.
So, let's just ignore all this unpleasantness. Just forget the slingshot, and live happily. (Slingshots seem so, well, um, nasty and unfriendly.)