Six Word Saturday

Sometimes words shine a guiding light

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(I love poetry. I wrote this some time ago, and it guides me still)

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Kansas City Hope
1.
We planned that stolen trip
to Kansas City when the dogwoods
readied to open wide,
the pinks of the universe
reassuring that some things deliver.
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2.
I thought about strolling in that promenade,
reaching for the wild roots--
trusted jubilant hands
washing secrets clean
and steadying those fickle fears.

3.
I thought along the streets
we’d find some stones,
lying there like easy promises,
different in pattern and size
but rock solid, like the sound

4.
Of running water at midnight.
I wanted to hear you turn the faucets--
your impulsive hand guiding
the steady flow
of this surprising outcome.

5.
I didn’t dare tell you
about the questions
lying at the curb
tucked under hidden trash,
safely protected by petrified answers--
not the kind that cause rigor mortis
but the kind that strengthen
even when they bend.

6.
I wanted to tell you I felt safe
that day In Kansas City.
I told myself that I could
let the roots and water and questions
wash over me
until I was soaked in my own security.

7.
I wanted you to know
about foundations built on sand
but fortified through grace and gravity--
strengthened when muscle and movement form,
and skin that protects—
and even glistens—
from the August place where we began.

8.
I wanted to tell you we are both safe here,
that whatever happens hope will float around us.
I wanted you to know this.
I thought we should both know.
So when the itinerary changed
I was not prepared.

9.
I wondered how long it will take
for the obvious to settle,
until Kansas City is Chicago
and Chicago is Newark
and the curbside trash
Is worth every stretch and every risk.
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10.
I didn’t know this then, I didn’t:
I thought the things that matter
were formed strictly in the place
where roots and unspoken hope
converge in one cemented spot.

11.
I thought we could walk on this one promenade
and resolve our differences in only this one way. .
I didn’t know until the very moment
when you changed the plan
and the opportunity was gone

That even in the years ahead—
even through disappointments
too quickly frozen in place
we will still be here and there,
slip sliding straight into
the destiny of a sunny day,
looking down, and then around,
comfortable in our common ground.

12.
I didn’t know
that we can walk through any promenade—
the ones in little cities and the ones in the Arizona desert--
and we will still find every missing piece
safely, solemnly, soulfully tucked beneath
our best intentions.

Redundancy: Thursday 13 Revisited

I was not happy with the photos I posted yesterday. I stubbornly wanted two side-by-side and in order to do that I had to shrink them which is fine, except because I am barely computer literate, they got distorted in the process. So I am giving myself permission to recreate the reality of Thursday 13, this time focusing a bit on the houses and buildings of Provincetown.

Okay, so this isn't a house. But isn't she beautiful? The flower accessory is temporary, placed by the ghost of Michael Jackson for all I know, and actually, she's most stunning all by her naked self.

The town has a new library, a massive and historic renovation on Commercial Street. For almost a year (my estimate only) the massive steeple sat on the ground. I wish I had been around to witness it being hoisted up the equivalent of four or five stories. The renovation continues, including magnificent scaffolding. I love scaffolds. I don't know why, but they make me want to fly.

This is the hardware store. I've taken this photo strictly to brag that Provincetown has an artistically and historically appropriate hardware store. No blatant chains or signage for this coastal town.

This is JB walking in front of me, heading home, probably wondering why the hell I stop so often and/or take so long with my camera.

Oh...did I mention that I will never hear the end of this? We are on the Cape, stop for pizza, and I can hear her squealing from the back seat. "Look! Look!" she screams. "It's a relative!"

"Oh, Emily, " I say, "I'll be damned...."

It's back of an ordinary building, which happens to have a first class view of this:

And here we have the single family house JB and I watched being restored for the better part of a season and wished it was ours...

Liz and JB and I sat at a picnic table outside this bakery on a brisk sunny day and shared our soups, sandwiches, and three and a half chocolate macaroons. I will remember this because this might be the moment in time, looking back, when I understood I had to move forward, that I could not continue to mourn the loss of someone I've loved, that my inability to understand was best served by choosing acceptance and forgiveness for both of us.

Ta Da! Witness the facelift of the Town Hall. I made the mistake of attributing so many beautiful gardens to the high numbers of the gay, lesbian and art community, and my sweet forever friend Baino nailed me on it. So I will tread lightly here: most town halls are white, at least that has been my experience. And until this year, this town hall was white. But in Provincetown, with "so many residents having a natural flair for color and good taste" (how's that, Baino?), these new colors are simply awesome.

And finally, for years I've bought magazines, newspapers, gum, candy, postcards and suntan lotion in this little convenience store. But the truth is every time I step inside I want in the worse way to buy a pack of Marlboro Lights. It's been years since I smoked my two packs a day, and God help me if I ever fall to that addiction again, but sometimes, looking across the bay or feeling my toes in the wet sand, I just want to blow a smoke ring or two straight up in the air, that is, after a long deep orgasmic inhale......

Tis the weekend. Here's wishing you a good one. And here's a special smooch to Sonia...

Provincetown: Kind of a Thursday 13 Week 3 Mish Mash but Not Exactly...

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It's week three in Provincetown. What a way to spend the summer: three days of work-work and then four days of ocean living. I took these two shots of the bay and the town harbor today through an overcast sky. Honest to God, the town and ocean are so beautiful it looks like this all the time, in one color palette or another.
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Speaking of colors, hydrangeas are everywhere. And Provincetown, with it's high occupancy of gay, lesbian and artistic types, is rich with majestic gardens and gardeners all over town.
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Even the parking lots have amazing views. This is a nondescript shot view along Commercial Street. Most of the driveways and lots are comprised of beach stones or crushed oyster shells. I like this because, unlike the dark harshness of asphalt, the effect is light, airy, beachy.

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This small sculpture is hidden in an alley way in front of the Atlantic House, a gay men's dance club that welcomes everyone else as well. I've only been there once, and it was absolutely an awesome place to dance away the night.

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I love the town at night. You can walk anyway and it is completely safe. Many residents do not lock their doors and the small police force spends most of its time with occasional drunkenness and/or disorderly conduct. To the right is the famous Provincetown Monument. It's the first thing you see along Route 6A when you turn the bend and you are overtaken by expansive ocean and coastline.
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JB and I are eating out more than cooking at home. You are looking at the crepes of the day at my favorite restaurant Edwige, and at my favorite leisure sport: a strong cup of coffee flavored with good conversation.
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The sky and light in Provincetown is like no where else. And that's also true for special events. This week the Bears are in town. I may write more about this later but in a nutshell, the Bears are gay men who tend to have large frames and, well, body hair. They are named aptly. I would guess there are at least several hundred Bears in town for their Annual Bear Week. I wonder what kind of reaction some of my visitors and fellow bloggers may have to this. Does this sound strange to you? People who are "different" are actually commonplace in Provincetown. If you don't fit in generally, you will in Ptown. Before the summer's over, I'll write about this more.
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Here's a couple of different views of townies. The top could just has well have been home to a seafaring captain or a prominent Ptown family. JB and I have g00d friends who live in a single family small cozy rambling home filled with art and oozing with history. And the bottom photos are of a little sanctuary where JB and kj lighten up, sink in, and spread out. It is a blessed incredible gift that 15 plus years ago we were smart enough and lucky enough to buy this little place we could not afford today by any means. And yes, that bed offers a restful night's sleep as good as it looks.

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Please tell me if I need to change the subject. The truth is I haven't hit the surface in showing you all that Provincetown is--haven't shown you the Beech Forest, the Provincetown Lands, the dunes, the houses, the people, the art, the festivals, the funk. If you don't tell me enough is enough, I'll be doing a bit of sharing like this all summer.

Animal Wednesday: Emily Rabbit & lololo

Illustration by Studio Lolo www.studiololo.blogspot.com

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Okay, hello everyone, it's me Emily. I am late writing this week because kj made me wait until she could give out some FullerBrush awards to people she likes and she told me I would be very selfish if I wrote over that because then people wouldn't know that they had an award and kj said that would be bad not good so the bottom line is I waited until now to write my weekly story even though I didn't like the wait. And kj also said that she wanted two people named Soulbrush and Snowbrush to be happy because the award was named after them because they are nice people and that was another reason kj wanted me to be nice.

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Sometimes you have to be nice even if you don't like it.

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So this week I thought I would write about kj's friend, and kind of mine too, lololo who has just moved from California to Rhode Island. I really don't know what that means because rabbits don't normally follow history or geography but kj says it's a big move and she says lololo drove the whole way and has to get settled and unpack boxes, plus her dog and cat are nervous, plus she had to set up her phone and computer and then besides all that, she is tired and needs her beauty sleep.

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So I am going to keep things short and sweet this week. Here are some observations about lololo. Most of them are mine.

1. She has a good laugh, kj loves her reaction when she is shy or appreciative (she says 'awwww' in a very sweet tone of voice), and she is never prissy or stuck up.

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2. She is going to teach kj how to draw a few basic things like, for example, a rabbit that looks like a rabbit, and kj is so excited about it she goes on and on about it sometimes and jb and I fall asleep while she's taking.

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3. She draws things that make people feel happy or sad or silly or glad. kj says she has a good heart but I would just say she draws so well that even rabbits like it. I am going to give my mother a picture that lololo drew except I haven't told lololo yet and she has to agree to draw it. I don't know if she will charge me for it or not, but I am going to explain to her that it is a present for my mother so maybe she will just charge me a little. See, this is a good reason why I need money of my own. Contrary to what you probably think, I don't just spend it on jellybeans, I might spend it on lololo's artwork sometimes too.

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4. lololo told me jellybeans were bad for me and she mentioned the word SHELLAC which was not nice of her and almost made me choke but after I forgave her she is very nice to me, including telling me how to post bail when I got arrested (1-800-BAIL-MY-ASS I think)

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5. She is very cute and this includes her eyes and her sneakers and other body parts.

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6. I think her favorite colors are blue and green. That is okay but I would not like it if those were the only colors jellybeans came in. Maybe she likes polka dots too, I'm not sure.
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7 She doesn't brag about it (I don't know why she doesn't) but she is a famous author and her 2 children's books have sold more than you could count on 10,000 fingers and toes.

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8. She loves loves loves her blog and her blog friends. She never gossips about them and is always nice and sweet. I would like to see her be not so nice and not so sweet every so often, but kj says 'dream on', which I think means it won't happen.

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9. Guess who has a birthday next month?

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10. If lololo wants to trade the picture for my mother, I would be willing to teach her not only how to cry from her stomach (you know by now that is a special talent I have) but also how to make tents from radish leaves, have extra special temper tantrums, and forget-about-being-nice if someone deserves a punch in the nose instead.

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This is all I have to say this week. I am in Provincetown with kj and I am meeting my friend Gregory tonight. He is going to teach me to swing in the trees (That's all--don't go thinking he is interested in my purple bikini because we are both little and we don't know anything about that stuff). Then tomorrow I am going to bob with Muck, Ruck and Truck Duck, and you know there could be a Fuck Duck too but I am not allowed to say that word so I have to spell it with dashes instead, which is ridiculous if it's F--- Duck's name, which I think it might be.

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Anyway, please don't be mad at me because I was a day late writing. As usual, it was not my fault. I hope kj pays me this week.

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Yours Truly,

Fondly,

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Emily Rabbit

Stroke of the Brush Award

I have created this special award in honor of two bloggers who will also be its first recipients.

This is the Stroke of the Brush Award, which recognizes and celebrates the willingness to take risks, speak honestly, act with integrity, and in the process create and share colors and/or words that stroke our curiosity and brush aside our differences.

This award was inspired by two bloggers who reach, stretch and try every single time. It is my pleasure to award the first annual Stroke of the Brush Award to:

Soulbrush

http://soulbrush.blogspot.com/

&

Snowbrush

http://snowbrush.blogspot.com

When you have the chance to visit their blogs, you will find Soulbrush's love and enthusiasm for painting, family, and all mediums of art a balm for your soul. And you will settle into Snowbrush's touching and courageous memoirs and story telling as though you are sitting in front of a warm fire, taking it all in.

And now, something I forgot to do when I posted this yesterday: I is my pleasure to also give the Stroke of the Brush Award to the following worthy bloggers:

Sonia.....Deborah....Studio Lolo.....Mim.....Suki.....Deborah Kay.....Angela R.....Sweet Mango.....

Melissa.....ValGal.....Baino.....Human Being.....Walking Man.....CS Blogging Incognito...

Kate.....Bella Sinclair.....Marianne.....Chewy.....Kay/Chief......Tessa,

Bimbimbie....Aimee....

Teri C......Babs.....Annie.....Lavender

Ribbon....Sidney....Yoon See.....Julie....Maithai.....Wieneke.....Hildegarde.....Pieterbie....

Cestandra.....Merlin Princesse.....Laughing Wolf...Jessie....Ruby....Jon.....Barbara....

Singleton....James Oh....Carla....Kris.....Andrea....Miladysa.....

Shubhajit....Ascender.....Hopeful Notations.... Mariana Soffer.....Silver.....

and of course..... Renee

Please feel free to pass the Stroke of the Brush Award to the special bloggers who inspire you. Let this award circulate around the blogs, because Soulbrush and Snowbrush personify what it's all about. Both are both deserving and delicious.

Friendships

This is Race Point. Its elevation allows a panoramic view of the Atlantic Ocean and the Outer Cape. The sand is soft, the breeze is gentle, and today the sun was spectacular. JB, Liz and I headed here around 2:30, lying in the sun and falling asleep to that uniquely wonderful sound of distant voices nearby.

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Liz has been here since Wednesday. In many ways she is the sister I've never had. We speak honestly, bitch openly, laugh freely. I can count my closest friends on one hand and Liz is among them. I've been thinking about friendship lately. And I've been thinking about my blog friends versus my in-person friends.

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My blog relationships have changed me. Perhaps it's because we get to know one another without physical constraints, without preconceptions, without glaring idiosyncrasies, without judgements, and without demands. Whatever the reason, I find myself cherishing these relationships, and saying "I love you" more often. It's been easy to express genuine affection to my blog friends, and I'm now making the effort to let my other friends know when I feel that way about them.

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I can't even express how much many of my blog friendships mean to me. But I think it's important that I remind myself that they are not a substitution for the other friends I cherish, the friends who drop by for coffee, sit with me when I need company, hold and hug me when I need comfort, are able to look me in the eye with a twinkle grin or a suspicious concern.

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I don't want to make the mistake of believing that friendships lovingly given and accepted through blogging is enough. I need my 'real life' friends too--because there will be times when the special bonds from blogging cannot be enough, no matter how strong and loving and precious they are. My other friends, my family, the people I live among and work with and reach out to in my community matter significantly because there will be times I will want and need them here with me, breathing the same air, holding my hands, steadying my gait, both in moments of crisis and in moments of acclaim, when there will be no substitute for sharing those moments with me, in real time.

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I've been thinking about this for a while. I give myself permission to nurture my blog friendships and I want them to grow, but I also want and need to hold on to my life outside of this 3 pound laptop that connects me with special people and places I only imagined before. If any of you have opinions or ideas about how our friendships form--within and apart from blogland, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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Meanwhile, may I show you more of Race Point, located in Provincetown, at the tip of Cape Cod, in the state of Massachusetts, one of the six New England States, in the United States of America?

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It was a beautiful day today. I'm so glad to be sharing it with my friends, some who will sit on the red couch beside me, and others in Australia and England and Canada and New Zealand and Iran and India and Malaysia and the Philippines and, most recently, one very special friend just arrived from California, now close enough now to hug.

Six Word Saturday

Glide, her heart said. Just Glide...

Provincetown: Week 2

It's the beginning of my second week in Provincetown. For the next few weeks, along with JB, I will leave my job early each Wednesday afternoon, pick up Stella , pack an overnight bag, and drive three and half hours until we reach the very tip of Cape Cod. That is Provincetown. We'll stay until Sunday, when we'll head back for another three days of work. And then, we'll head out, until we land here again, at the land's end.

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We'll have company most of the summer. This week our friend Liz is here, all of us unwinding and relaxing and laughing pretty much non-stop. We went to bed last night knowing each of us had not one thing demanding attention, requiring energy, or weighing us down. So our steps were light when we converged on the red couch this morning.

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And from there we've taken ourselves out to breakfast, shopped for sneakers, strolled through a hidden zen garden, looked at books, read the newspaper, blogged and surfed the net, fell asleep at the Herring Cove beach, shopped for fruit and ice cream, and now, we are all three back, relaxing, catching up, preparing for an unplanned night that may involve doing nothing or may lean toward joining the hustle-bustle of Commercial Street.

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I will write for two hours before I end my day. That's my promise to myself and here it is an easy promise to keep. I have also promised myself that I will end this summer having done everything I can to be happy and healthy. Happy means I cooperate with letting go of the past and the way I hoped and wanted things to be, and healthy means I keep helping my body look and feel better.

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I'm going to cry some writing this second novel. Now that I've taken a few writing courses, I understand that's to be expected. But I feel very excited and hopeful about it all. I will be summoning tenderness and balance and memory and imagination to the colors and words that await me this summer, and that means my passion's back. I was afraid I'd lost it, that I wouldn't get it back. But today, still on this red couch, with JB on the patio reading the Boston Globe, Stella resting after a walk around the block, and Liz teaching herself how to upload her photos, I think that passion within me is ready for another chance. I'm so damn glad.

Animal Wednesday: Emily Guru

Hello everyone, it's me Emily. This week I thought I would give you advice to help you have a good summer and stay out of trouble, at least as much as you can.

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In general rabbits are a lot easier-going than people. Even though I am little this is what I think you should do 99% of the time:

1. Keep your tail up and never sit on it, even when you can't help it: If you have to tie your tail so it stays up, put on a headband and tie it that way. You just don't want to be walking around with your tail between your legs or sitting on it because that tells the world you aren't confident and you get your way more if people think you are confident.

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2. Cry at a normal volume but keep crying louder and louder until you are at least heard. kj says you don't need someone to agree with you but you need to know they hear you. And it's true: I always feel better after I spout off even if I have to cry about it too.

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3. Don't be a wimp: This is the same as not sitting on your tail. For example, when kj's friend told her she was needy and selfish, kj told her she was being mean and sounded heartless. Then her friend laughed and said to her, "I've been told that before." HELLO kj! HELLO! Tell her she is mean again and take off. You can be nice again if things get better but if not just stop caring about it.

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4. If you have to fight, kick as hard as you can the first time. One hard kick is 100% better than 12 little kicks.

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5. Bend Bend Bend like a tree. Even little me who likes to get her way most of the time knows that a lot of times it's better to bend than to hold on and lose. For example, when I got arrested and it was not my fault, kj was mad about having to post bail for me but that was not my fault either so I wanted to complain to kj and tell her to stop being mad at me about the money but I didn't dare because after all she did bail me out and she is nice to me sometimes, so I was very nice and just smiled sweetly. That is an example of bending.

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6. Try to have a best friend who is nice like Marianne but don't pick someone who has had a lot of best friends already because for example that probably means they will go through best friends like I go through bikini bottoms (sometimes they fall off in the ocean when I'm bobbing and they float away.) And it's not the best idea to have a best friend who doesn't stay your best friend because what kind of a best friend would stop being your best friend anyway, right?

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7. If you happen to be grouchy or worse, do it with someone who will be nice to you anyway. Tell them then they can be grouchy or worse when they are in a jam and you will be nice to them back.

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8. If you can't stop feeling sad, eat four dozen jellybeans and roll down a hill three times. That is guaranteed to take your mind off your feeling sad and turn it to your weird feeling stomach instead.

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9. If you have choice between being nice or mean, be nice. But if you have to choose between being happy or sad, be happy every time even if you have to stomp your feet, cry from your stomach, or even steal a radish or two.

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If you have any suggestions to add to this list, I don't mind if you do.

Sincerely Yours,

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Emily Rabbit

Provincetown: Mary Oliver and Wild Geese

UPDATE: I've highlighted the words suggested for omission, including two of my own. I want to know the real one!!

I've posted the following poem by Mary Oliver before. It's one of my favorites and one of her best. But here's something that may interest you about it:

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Mary Oliver lives in Provincetown. This summer she was interviewed by Provincetown Arts, a gorgeous annual magazine that features the many talented artists in town. She was asked about this very famous poem of hers--if she would change anything about it if she were writing it today.

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Her reply was one word. She said she would leave out one word. Then she smiled and challenged her readers to guess what that word is.

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I don't know the answer either so I can't offer more than the interesting challenge of taking a look.

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Fellow artists and poets and writers and painters and otherwise creative souls: what word do you think she would leave out?

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Wild Geese - Mary Oliver.

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You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are movin across the landscapes,

over the praries and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clear blue air,

are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers you imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Love, Love, and More Love

As usual, Mr. Ryan has his priorities straight....

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Here's wishing you a smile or two today.

Provincetown: Nightlight Day 4

The sun was out today, and so were JB and kj. We had a slow motion breakfast on the little patio outside our kitchen door, rode our bikes (no small feat after 30 years of not riding--I wobbled my way along), ate lunch outside on Commercial Street savoring the hustle-bustle, went to the beach (oh dear god, thank you, I love the beach), took Stella for a walk, brought back a take out pizza (no cooking for us today), and then, then: headed three blocks to the Fireworks.

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Fireworks in Ptown are fantastic for one thing because they are shot from a boat on the bay, so the bay is the backdrop and it is all quite beautiful. And the moonlight tonight:

(Where did this guy come from? He absolutely wasn't in my shot. Part of his head is missing. How spooky...)

It was a good day. I love it here. Sunday afternoon we'll be headed back "home" for a few days of work, but we'll be back here again Wednesday night. Lucky lucky me.