Sunday, December 07, 2008

Bittersweet

I love blogging, but there's one thing that I'm often unsure how to reconcile. In my day-to-day life , my friends and family have signs (my expression, my demeanor, my voice) that reflect how things are going with me. In blogland, it is all to easy to create a air of contentment (or gratitude, perfection, frivolity) even when that is not the case. I know we all do it, and even in real time it's not easy to be vulnerable when you are vulnerable (or sad or down or lost).
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Why am I saying this? Probably because my Thanksgiving was bitter-sweet, and I can't say I'm doing much better since. For me it's not unusual that wishes and hopes outpace reality during the holiday season, but I'm also dealing with a sadness that won't be shaken off any time soon. I know change and loss is part of life, but sometimes, and this is one of them, I don't know how to comfort myself. Enough said: I know my blog friends and visitors well enough to know that I am not alone in admitting that sometimes things go well, sometimes they don't.
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Still, certain joyful aspects do not escape me as I head into the holidays. For example:


I love the way the light shines on my house.

I love having Mr. Ryan in my life.

I made an apple pie, and it was good.


JB and I made my mother's recipe for homemade raviolis, and they were awesome....

Topped of course with my Italian father's home made spaghetti sauce.

I'm grateful for my fruit basket.


And the fact that I know how to cook a turkey!

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know that.

Most of the time....

9 comments:

  1. Is it because you forgot the dressing or cranberry sauce for your turkey? :)

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  2. KJ, I don't know you very well other than stopping by here and there with a comment and enjoying the back and forth. But I wonder as I read this, perhaps the crow poem was written from your gut and it's your reaction to your bittersweet Thanksgiving.
    Whatever is troubling you, may it pass without further discomfort and become a distant memory.

    Or it could be what Ces said ;)

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  3. Ah, we all have these moments kj. It seems too that special occasions amplify them. I don't care about hearts on sleeves frankly. I wear mine there all the time but you're right. We tend to be outwardly more cheerful on the blogs than perhaps we are in real life. I hope things pick up for you . . . of course if you want to get things off your chest, there's always email! There's always something to be happy about when poo happens! And lately it seems to be happening in spades! So there you go, surround yourself with those you love.

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  4. hey there. just saying a supportive word. you know that i care.

    GJ

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  5. life gets' so topsy turvy sometimes. I agree with Lolo about the poem - and there is nothing like expressing your sadness/upsetness or anything like that with art of some form.

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  6. Apple pie, apple pie, apple pie!!! YESSSS, I am on my way :-)))

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  7. ((( I tried, but I cant formulate a thoughtful response....so plan b)))

    Great turkey!!! Miss yummy turkey!!!

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  8. Im so sorry for your distress at Thanksg. I read reference to yyour sorrow on several other blogs. I too, as my Mom died on Dec 2, have been in sadness. It is a hard place to be. Thinking of you. Bk looks great. I too am a writer and published 2 bks awhile ago. Will return to read crow poem. I too love human being. be well, Suki

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