Friday, April 27, 2018

Thoughts...


There's no escape from the mess that is current American democracy. This week the President of France addressed a joint session of Congress and his message and articulation of unity and justice and  compassion was especially striking because it contrasted so sharply with the angry and divisive rhetoric of Donald Trump. Many and most Americans are hoping that the mid-term elections in November will begin to right the ship. I don't know what troubles me more: the abhorrent treatment of decent immigrants or the flagrant danger of dissing the Paris Climate Accord. (Yes, I could add the attack on the free press and all our systems of justice and government.)

I know great damage has already been done but I have hope. 

  
As I prepare to shop my second novel, here's a reminder my first book is a good beach read. I still remember what it felt like to first hold this book in my hands. The characters of Alex and Lily live with me still. Writing is a lonely profession: it has to be done alone. To me it's a mysterious process, how words follow one after another to create a story. Sometimes I reread what I've written and I hear it for the first time, like someone else wrote those words. These days my mind is on my current heroine Christine Macabee, mother of 4, devotee of poetry and all things John Denver, a woman whose belief in devotion both comforts and deceives her. 

I'm glad to be a writer. 




This is where I live. Provincetown, on the very tip of Cape Cod, a peninsula where the light bounces off the sea like no where else. (First 2 photos courtesy of the Provincetown Photography Page.) 

I long to step into spring and summer. I still can't walk very far; I can't walk Mattie  and I can't walk along the sand. But some progress is happening. No more pain meds, my activity has increased, I'm still losing weight (!), and hope still floats. I'm determined to keep my attitude high and in check because maximizing what I can will clearly help me. 

Recently my brother was hospitalized and discharged home with hospice care. His situation is well more serious than mine, but his attitude is similar: he's determined to enjoy his days and wait to worry. When my parents died, one of the last things my Father told me was, "I'm not afraid, I'll see my Mother." And my Mother, two days before her last breath, with her eyes closed and her body withdrawing, said to herself, quietly and with no fear, "I hope I'm not dying." I chuckled about that since because she was so matter-of-fact and calm. Years apart, they both died peacefully and surrounded by love and family. They never once complained. I think that will be my brother and I hope when the time comes that will be me too.

Dying is hard to talk about and hard to plan for. Do you know about Five Wishes? Google it. Totally helpful. 

I'm so glad to be blogging again. 
love
kj

12 comments:

  1. Just over from Mark's, thought I would drop an idea. A quote by Linda Hogan (?) in The Sun magazine lately: "Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still they say. Watch and listen.You are the result of the love of thousands".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is beautiful, goat man. Thank you. I’ll be over to happily visit your blog soon!
      Love
      kj

      Delete
  2. I'm glad you're back too. I always enjoy reading your posts and seeing your photos. I'm so sorry about your brother. I wish him a death with dignity and grace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Deb, I always enjoy your posts too. You’re a warrior in your own way. Don’t forget my ‘wait to worry’ approach 💜
      Love kj

      Delete
  3. Death is very mysterious, just like birth. I like the attitude of you both in this complex period. The best way is to calmly accept and enjoy what is still possible.
    And now I am still waiting for a post about Mattie !!! :-)

    OT: Are you using Google Translate when reading my weblog? I tried it yesterday (from Dutch to English) and I was very satisfied about the way of translating things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wieneke, I didn’t think about google translate! Sounds like that will solve my enjoying your posts.

      Mattie will be next. 🐶. She’s a really nice puppy. Once i’m On my feet again I want to rescue an older dog also.

      I’ve just read a terrific book called Being Mortal, about aging and how medicine can get in the way of the natural decline and end of life.

      So nice to be connecting again, Wieneke. You know I love you.
      💜

      Delete
  4. Being a planner, I did all my directives years ago and learned much more when my mother passed with all her affairs in order and all her final wishes articulated. What a gift it was to know exactly what she wanted.

    Blessings for you and yours as you navigate these difficult times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 8, the five wishes worksheet spells out everything a person wants her/his loved ones to know. You and your family are so wise to have tended to that when your Mother died.

      It’s alittle weird to be at a stage and age where i’m Aware of the wonder and fragility of life and death...

      Love
      kj

      Delete
  5. This week, I heard Trump say that other nations respect America again. I never know when he's lying and when he believes what he says.

    I loved the photos, especially the bottom one.

    I have no hope of reuniting with anyone when I die. Perhaps you know of David Goodall's assisted suicide (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-44069885). How sad that he had to go to Switzerland to die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Snow, America the bully....

    Do you know Tammy from our blogs? She died when and as she wished, planned it with her family after cancer on top of her als. I will do that too if I need too.
    Love
    kj

    ReplyDelete
  7. I didn't know Tammy. It grieves me that even here in Oregon with its assisted suicide law, a person has to be within six months of death and able to take the drug themselves, so this obviously leaves out many, many people who either can't take the drugs without help, or have no quality of life although they have a longer life expectancy than six months. This means that if, for example, I get Alzheimers, I will have to kill myself sooner than I want to simply because I can't dare wait. It also means that, if I can no longer get oxycodone, I'll have to shoot myself, and what a hell of an image to leave Peggy, who, of course, can't be there with me if I commit "illegal suicide" no matter how I do it. I don't know that it would take for this country to have rational laws concerning suicide and euthanasia, but I do know that religion is a major obstacle. It has come to seem to me that, no matter what the problem right-wing religion is either causing it or standing in the way of a solution.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Snow, it’s a tough call and balance but I tend to agree with you that a person should have the right to decide when and why for themselves. It gets more complex if orcwhen mental illness is involved. As someone required to establish a diagnosis for people with depression or anxiety or bipolar or any other conditions, I know what looks dire can change, unlike a measurable physical dx.

      You’d think religion would be on the side of gun control and child wellness. It’s all upside down; I pray for same heads to right some of these horrible positions

      Delete