Saturday, November 08, 2014

What I've Been Doing




I have to write about my Blog. I know that the longer my posts, the less likely they will be read. I understand that fully because I have to make the same kinds of time decisions about the blogs I like.


For years I had a  clear sense of this blog of mine: my personal essays, clever and cosmic attempts at wisdom, stories and poems, and too, a sharing of my frailties and spunk.  For a long time, I had many many more visitors, friends, commenters, than I do now. For a long time a community was apparent here. 



So am I upset that so many people I so enjoy who used to blog don't blog anymore? Yes I am. It's a loss. I loved keeping up with them so regularly and I loved their attention. I love sharing comments. That said, these days I just feel like writing, if only for myself. I am tickled for every single person who stops by.


 Thus:  I am going to post this long post even if only a couple of people read it. Read, by the way, with my appreciation. It's a new day in Blogland, yes, but it's still an awesome place to be! 


:^) Here goes:


First of all, if I say what I've been doing lately, will you say too?

Okay, good. Thank you.

1. I have been alone all week. JB is in Provincetown in part so I could push myself to work. I have a research project (about Physicians ) that hangs over me. I want it done before Thanksgiving so it won't hang over the holidays. So I worked a good bit this week; not enough yet, but there is progress.

2. JB and I have been economizing (never mind why :^) So no lawn service to pick up our many many many fallen leaves. For a couple of months now. with JB's help,  I have been successfully employing my turtle approach to gardening. I do what and when I want, hoping in time it all gets done enough. Our yard is big, 4 or 5 different sections. This week I hired a young guy, from an agency, to help me for 3 hours. It was near perfect: I raked and he lugged the trash cans of leaves across the street, dumping said leaves in nice place. The tail end of the # 9 clean up is near. It feels good. It even looks good.

3. Jeez am I writing. In the last 2-3 weeks, the bones of two big chapters are done. I am writing about a character, a Mother, Christine Macabee--who I just love. Either I'm fleshing her out or she's revealing herself to me. She is so resilient and trustworthy. I know it's a good story, about a good family: I just hope I can write it well enough.

4. The roof in Ptown leaked into the kitchen ceiling (drip drip) last weekend so that's a surprise repair and expense. I wrestle with managing money these days. (Do you?)  I think I'm on top of it all and Bam! But I'm fortunate that I can usually fit in extra costs somehow. But still--Jeez # 2.

5. The election. Is it as bad as it looks? Is the USA really so starkly problematically divided? What can be done? I think about this.

That's what I've been doing.
And you?

love
kj


23 comments:

  1. I have been writing--a lot. All scholarly type of work, thus my formal creative writing voice emerges:). Thank you for your generous comments! This is not a long post to read at all. Mine is!

    In between writing, I run. And buy books. And read. And dream of reading books that I have no time for. And run. And then there's this darling little child that I spend time with ;). She rides and I run.

    As for the readers, I used to have many, but close the blog when I get worn down and have no time to write. I think many of come and go. I miss the days of our wam bloggy community, though! Thank you for staying and visiting!

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    1. erin, you are a unique and excellent writer. you run and you parent, and you also think and feel deeply--all good

      i would miss the blogs terribly so i'm staying put.

      love
      kj

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  2. I actually think this is around just the right length for a blog post. Money. Ha. Since I retired early and then was not able to find a new job, my plan at the time, I had to take early social security and so when it comes to managing money let's just say my task is very easy because there is not enough to warrant management. :)

    Your new character, the mother, sounds like a good soul and hopefully I will get to read about her soon.

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    1. hi rubye, i'm sorry money is tight. been there and it's a challenge.

      my character christine is a brave hoot. i'm not sure when or how to share her, but i will be both excited and anticipatory when i do.

      love
      kj

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  3. Many bloggers I once read have disappeared as well and I miss them. I have changed my blog so many times I am surprised anyone still reads me.

    And me, I've been thinking about death a lot and the meaning of life. I have a friend who is dying right now which breaks my heart and makes me question the point of everything. There is a new grandchild in my family, my partner's daughter, which we have not seen because my partner has to make amends to his daughter. He's working on it but he's also terrified of being rejected.

    And me? I'm trying to be kind to myself, compassionate with myself but was never taught how to do this by my parents. My parents were good at teaching self criticism, not self love. And so it goes.

    I love reading about your life.

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    1. deb, i lost two friends in a short period of time and it is pretty sad and unreal. i'm sorry. my opinion is that kindness is the open door to everything good and steady. i know from your blog that you know the lessons and you just need some time to get comfortable with them. you are a good person, deb.

      love
      kj

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  4. Kj, Hi. Blogging has changed for me too, I no longer use it to vent my problems and rages, mostly because I have learned other ways to handle things, I use it mostly to write about my art and other art as art is my life, because of this I have a lot of new bloggers I have met who are painters too, but I have lost readers like you for the most part. The other problem I see is FB, I just don't have the time to go to each person's page and comment, it is too surface for me and I rarely even go there, perhaps once a week I just look at the dashboard.
    As for what I am doing, saving up and looking for another car, my car has engine problems and is too old to fix. It is a stress because art sales are slow here this time of year and you don't want to be without a car here, never mind in the Winter.
    Other than that things are good, I love my life. Painting 4 days a week, working on collage/cards for Christmas. Working on more paintings. I just submitted my work to the Santa Fe Museum of Art for a Biennial next Sept. Only 5 out of 300 will be picked. A long shot, but I had to try. That is it for me. Good luck with the writing.
    This must be my longest comment ever :-). xoxo

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    1. annie, you have not lost me as a reader and friend and you won't! i hope you get a car without a lot of hassle. i wish you every success with the Biennial--you work hard and you deserve that success. you art has evolved in wonderful ways. you know your painting is in my ptown kitchen and i love it always.

      love
      kj

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    2. Thank you sweetie, I am still here for you too. xoxo

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  5. During the last 3 years of separation, divorce, rebuilding....you would think that writing would be a healing balm, a needed thing, an object of constancy. You would think the support of the blogging community would be sought. After all, rarely does anyone say anything negative in here. But none of this came to pass. Writing seemed like one more thing "to do" and existing took up too much damn time. Emotional survival is a full time job. I'm coming out of it slowly...finding my way back to things. Facebook was quick, and mostly surface nonsense, but at least I felt a string of connection, no matter how fragile.

    So what am I doing? I am working through the birth pains of a relationship. So much harder the second time around as we are hauling our shit-bags of pain and rubbing up against each others issues like sand paper. We will wear ourselves smooth or wear ourselves out. It's hard for me to determine if all this "working through" means we are a good couple or not meant for each other. At the end of the day I suppose I think it is good, because I move forward into the next day. We can talk about and through anything, which is not a couple skill I have ever experienced before. It's all new. We work on music together, so there is much writing, practice, planning. Someday I hope to share a recording.

    There is work...the endless cycle of saving lives. I'm very tired of it but grateful for a job. I have side jobs. Some that pay, some that just allow me to do what I love. Support. I support a painter and a band by doing the things they hate to do. Marketing and administration. Keeps me busy though and I'm not sure how to carve myself out of all this busy-ness. Whereas the first couple years I was alone were hibernating years, eerily quiet and monumentally lonely, this past year has been too busy...a wide pendulum swing that needs some correction. However one thing has not changed. My need for quiet. I crave it like air.

    Well, hey....thanks for listening KJ. Glad I stopped by. The sun is streaming through the window, my coffee is warm, and your kind ear is delightfully present.

    ~ Annie

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    1. 'Emotional survival is a full time job'

      amen, annie. it's the survival part that complicates things :^) i am glad to hear you are birthing a new relationship (ha, as if anyone could birth an old relationship). i wish you every thing good about it. a therapist once told me, 'relationships are hard but they're not supposed to be THAT hard, so i hope yours isn't. xo to me, the communication and music both lean in the right direction.

      i understand completely about quiet as air. i love my time alone. still, you hopefully know that i and others love when you post: your images and colors and words.

      i'm glad to read what's going on with you. one foot in front of another…

      love
      kj

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  6. KJ I think that given the time I have more tendency to read longer posts...this one was not long at all...you left a comment stating that you had a hard time figguring out where I am at, how I am doing...well I am doing as well as can be expected. I have symptom control to take into consideration, and just the normal ebb and flow of life. I am alive, and sober, how bad could it be?
    Thank you for being a friend

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    1. hi chris, so nice to know you are back too! you know i am thrilled you're sober and with good reason. seems to me you are rebuilding and getting stronger--all good. take care, my poetic friend

      love
      kj

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  7. kj, I was expecting a long post, and I read a fairly short one. And a good one, too!

    Most of my blogging contact are still around, though one has taken her blog private, so I can't contact her. I'm still trying to find a way to do that.

    Looking over your first four points, I would say, on balance, things are going reasonably. So good for you! Point five — what's a Bear to do about that?

    Me? I'm OK for the shape I'm in. So that's good too. Lost my dog, ready for winter. But you already know all about those.

    Nothing more to say, except "Blessings and Bear hugs!"

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    1. rob, i'll tell you my saddest blogging experience: early on, there was a blogger named 'anonymous," from australia. she was into birds and was total fun to blog with. one day she disappeared. just gone. i know she wouldn't have just left like that--i know it. so i assume something bad happened and it haunts me wondering and hoping that she is okay. i would try to find her if i had any clue where to begin, but i don't

      i am doing pretty well these days. i hope you too. and i hope your dog turns up.

      love
      kj

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  8. I feel the same way about blogging friends who have stopped. I do understand it though as I have often thought that it is time for me to stop too as the original therapeutic need has receded. It is a strange fluctuation between feeling I have nothing I need/want to say and being afraid to lose that community. That said, I always selfishly hope that everyone I read continues to blog because I enjoy everything they share.

    I am so happy you are writing more about Christine. I was briefly introduced to her and was instantly infatuated. I am looking forward to getting to know her better.

    I’m afraid the election may be even worse than it looks. I am a realist and believe that it is important for the political pendulum to swing both ways. But I think it has begun to swing to extremes and I don’t know how we will ever find ways to work for common goals. Or even if we have any common goals anymore. Sadly, I think it will take a major event (stock market crash, war on our soil, alien attack) to bring us back to common ground. In the meantime, I will continue to lend a hand where I can. I don’t know what else to do.

    What am I doing? It is STILL the kitchen. We are making progress, but it will still be another couple of weeks. Ugh. Our leaves are not all down yet, but I did manage to pull up the remains of my vegetable garden, shred a batch of leaves, and get them rototilled into the soil. Yay me.

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    1. 8, you are someone i am very glad to have met here more recently. and i'm glad for that! thanks for your mention of christine. i do want to share more of her here but i have to figure out how to do that without giving up the story line. i admire her, 8, and she is no couch potato :^)--a factory worker who adores her kids, poetry, and john denver :^)

      i' m a realist too. i don't have a clue what the hell has happened and why. we seem mean spirited, though i know most people aren't. i agree about the benefit of a martian invasion.

      good luck and prayers for you kitchen. brave girls, you are.

      love
      kj

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  9. I miss the "larger" blog community that used to be, as well. Not sure what happened there.
    Glad to hear you are getting on with some good writing. A new character is always wonderful to embrace.
    Manage money? Don't have enough to manage, being on a fixed income. Oftimes it's medication vs. food.
    Haven't been doing too much of anything. Awaiting my reconstruction surgery set for dec 12th, if all goes accordingly. Can't wait to get these horrible expanders out of my chest.

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    1. c-c-c-changes, barbara :^)

      i hate that you and anyone would ever have to choose between food or medication. not right.

      i'm glad you are doing well health wise and good luck with the reconstruction. and, with your photography xo

      love
      kj

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  10. Well I think this is great. You always have a way of getting people involved and leaving great comments. Me? No time lately but it'll pass.

    Xoxoxo

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    1. mim, i'm surprised and delighted by the responses and comments here. it;s affirming and i appreciate every word.

      i will be glad to see you soon xoxoxoxoxo
      love
      kj

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  11. Sometimes when I go back to my blog from years ago, I'm really struck by how many people have just dropped off the map. I think of it as a loss, too. You get to know people and their lives and it's sad to have them exit like that. Then again, I don't blog nearly as consistently as the days when I posted every day.

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    1. hi cs, i agree. i'm sure the drop off is because Facebook offers the same sort of dopamine high from connecting and commenting but it is a loss for sure.

      i am so so glad you still blog regularly, and i am so so glad to follow your comings and goings

      love
      kj

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