Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Lost Manuscript: part two :^)


        


My writing teacher, who is also my current editor, has advised me many times not to post any part of my second novel on my blog. "It will influence you when it's not good to be influenced," she says.

I'm not sure about that. Perhaps because 500 double spaced unedited pages have already been written. And perhaps because for me my blog is a safe haven where people I respect can say whatever and I appreciate that.

So.

Here is another excerpt from the found manuscript of the book that's taking its own sweet time. This is the first person story of Casey Mango, a middle aged, intelligent, confused, at least slightly attractive woman with an equal capacity to soar and sink, sometimes simultaneously:


Joyce was an imposing woman: six feet tall with soft chocolate skin and body language that said, ‘proceed at your own risk.’ The only person of color in the office, she was extremely bright and clearly guarded. Her laugh was rare but deep and infectious and I got a kick from the challenge of wearing down her wall of resistance.

“Come on, Joyce! Be my friend!” I’d tease her. 

We met in late August at Brant Rock in Marshfield at a casual restaurant on the beach. My marriage was rocky. It was dusk when we began our shared appetizer of cheese fondue and jet black when we finished our shared chocolate cake. 

“How about we walk on the beach?” Joyce asked me. I remember how the moon bounced off the incoming waves, one string of light after another, silver ribbons. We walked to the shoreline and sat beside each other in the sand, the tide stopping just inches in front of us. At that moment and not until that moment, I knew this was a date.

We saw each other two times the following week and the next time after that, at Joyce’s apartment, sitting on her bed, she tossed her fists in the air.

“I can’t control myself any longer,” she said. I knew what she meant.

 That first time Joyce and I made love I experienced the first real orgasm of my life. I’d had no idea. It was a rush and ecstasy that carried me out of my body and straight into the cosmos. Shortly afterwards I understood that my passion was apparently triggered by women and knew I was in love with Joyce, who was also in love with me. I stayed with my husband for another six months, carrying on a deeply satisfying and often guilt ridden affair with Joyce, until one evening, buckling under the weight of boredom, I asked him for a separation and he reluctantly moved out the next day. 

Joyce and I would continue to shake the planets for the next two years, sometimes two, sometimes three times a day, everyday, until it became clear that I had not removed my husband’s clothes from the bedroom closet and I could not bring myself to ask him for a divorce. Joyce hung in with me through my short lived affair with a young blond California surfer guy; she patiently moved in with Grace and me for several months, and then, just after Jimmy Carter lost the election, she left me for a woman she had met at work.  I never saw it coming and I was in full disbelief for weeks and months and then years. I’d never doubted Joyce, not for a second. 

That’s what happens, I think, when you grow up believing you can bend your will. 

Your comments and feedback are welcomed and appreciated. But don't tell my writing teacher. 
:^)

love
kj

19 comments:

  1. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT.

    More later in a saner voice. but for right now I LOVE IT

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  2. Person of color...was she Black,Latina,Asian...it's a damn novel not a lesson in political correctness. If you're writing for yourself be as PC as you want, I guarantee you your audience has no PC readers in it,

    The rest has some good lines but take this the right way, are you going for something different or are you writing for Harlequin to be your publisher?

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  3. Mark, doesn't 'soft chocolate skin' get you to the right place?

    I had to look up harlequin :-) the book is kind of a romance novel except that it's romance gone wrong and hopefully some transformation which, if absent, the book fails

    Love
    kj

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    1. Yes 'soft chocolate skin' gets me to the right place but the person of color in the office line is too politically correct for a novel, Either leave the reveal of her race to the sex or say the was the only black co worker I had. Personally I'd go for the sex scene,

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    2. Can't agree, mark. The term feels a okay to me. I'd be interested how other folks see it
      Xo

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  4. thi s section well written. holds my interest all the way. and I am glad to go back into Casey's history as the other sections i have read dealt more with a current love gone wrong. this scene gives a good backstory for that newer love story.

    i understand why your editor said not to show the Ms to too many people. I love to share my work but sometimes, if I am feeling less than confident, i get confused and think I need to revise etcetc. course I always need to revise, but my way from the inside of me. though that's not always true either as if I have written something confusing, and I dont see it, other people's eyes may. Yet you dont want tooo many voices giving suggestions. that's my wordy view at the moment. good work KJ

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    1. Thank you always, suki. I know totally what you mean. I hope that this point in the feedback is helpful. I have some confidence...mostly :-)

      And my wheels as ever are turning xo

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  5. I wouldn't say that I had chocolate cake with a chocolate-colored woman. It's a bit too much chocolate in too few paragraphs, and also sounds a bit cannibalistic.

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    1. Good point on redundancy, snow (not on the cannibalism)! I'm changing it to cheesecake :-)

      Love
      kj

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  6. "Thats what happens..." you totally held me until that last line. Not sure if I'm just being dumb and can't connect it perhaps the line itself is a foreshadowing and isn't connected yet.it was both pieces have flowed and held my interest.

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    1. lord I hate this Android it prints whatever the hell it wants. Its supposed to say perhaps I am dim. and otherwise both pieces really flowed...

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    2. Thanks Zoe. 'Flow' is music to my hopeful ears

      Love
      kj

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  7. You are a vibrant, energetic writer KJ. This excerpt of your writing has force and energy and voice. The characters are strongly-drawn and authentic without over-description. Keep up the good writing. Yay you!

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    1. Aw Kay, I've read your comment a dozen times. It means a lot . Thank you xoxo

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  8. I love every word of it! Felt disappointment when I couldn't read on....
    Wanting more....
    Clever girl!

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  9. Great stuff! The character of Joyce is really vividly described, I can see her now....

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  10. Interesting advice from your editor - I would think feedback from readers would be a good thing. Perhaps she is saying don't do it while still in the midst of writing a manuscript but at the end of a draft? Either way, I really enjoyed this snippet and felt like I was just getting started learning all about Casey when it ended - boo! Need more!

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    1. "I would think feedback from readers would be a good thing."

      The only feedback I'm much interested in is about grammar, non sequiturs, and other things that tend toward the concrete rather than the subjective because I found that subjective comments tended to distract me from finding my vision. It's hard enough to write at best, and too many opinions from too many people only make it harder.

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