I am too busy to take the time. I am not unkind, but if I try to work out a wrong, yours or mine, and you skate away on thin ice, I won't stand there freezing by myself; for what purpose?
I wasn't always like this. For many years I worked hard, very hard, to be liked, to charm, to nuzzle in. Hell, I was voted Personality Plus in my high school of 660 kids. That took work on my part. Only once did I clearly screw up: I made a joke in history class that embarrassed Ingrid I don't remember her last name, because she was overweight and I called attention to that. No, I screwed up a second time too: I hurt my fragile friend because I wanted her to work harder but in the end I suffered because she said no and goodbye. I miss her to this day.
I am seeing all kinds of words and resolutions and affirmations for the new year. Maybe because I've welcomed the new year with the grumble of a temperature and a cough, but I can't seem to box myself in that way, even if it might inspire me. Because I think it won't.
This is going to be a transition year for me. I am going to stop working the way I've worked for my whole adult career. I am going to have and use time differently. I think too my heart, which has suffered for what I must face as unworthy reasons, may finally flutter free; and if I'm lucky, maybe even with no twinge of anything bitter. And I will know children: four who look to me in an inner circle they and I know is family.
There are parts of my life that are so uncomplicated even my breathing has the right rhythm. My daughter for one: how much I love her. How easily I would sacrifice for her. How proud I am to witness who she is, what she does, how she lives. She is a Mother now. She loves her husband. I am in awe of her. How could anything feel better than that?
And JB. She is making me cappuccino right now. We have one more house in us, I tell her. I may have one more job in me, perhaps, not counting writing which has transcended work and is just what I do, what I have to do, what I am privileged to do.
A word for the new year? I have no idea. Oh, maybe this: don't expect me to waste my time. I want no false friends and I will step away from them. I carry no false pride and I am comfortably defiant. I will not tolerate and I will rail against abuse of animals or children or a mean spiritedness by politicians who should know better. Some things I'm just clear about.
No bullshit. Not this year. That's it! That's my word!
love
kj
KJ's dropping the soft mittens and going for the boxing gloves! YAY!
ReplyDeleteGet out there and say and do what's in your heart.
Life is way too short for anything other than that.
XXOO~~
Anne....trying to avoid the crud, but I think it's winning.....*sigh*
Anne, don't tell me you're coughing! No!
DeleteI love your image of soft mittens and boxing gloves. You are a most fun friend !!
Love
Grrrr kj
Way to go, KJ!! I feel similarly about my resolutions ... mine are simply two 1) balance 2) self-care. With those two, I can be a good person, wife, mother, writer, etc. Not wasting time on things/people that hurt or pull too much from us is a great way to commit to 2013. Cheers! And here we go! xoxo
ReplyDeleteBut you already ARE a good person, wife, mother, writer!
DeletePile on your self care. Who deserves it more than you?!
Come back to ptown: midnight at race point in pajamas :-)
Love
kj
I am thinking about Eat-Pray-Love and the woman in search of a word....and the word then "crossing over". I would like to be that word this year, although not exactly clear what I am crossing into. But I'd be happy with no bullshit too :)
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I left you a comment and poof! Must be important enough to say it again :-)
DeleteI always think turning a corner is the hardest because even with wishes you don't really know where or how you will land. I'm tired of bring introspective and definitely tired of wondering if I should try to patch something just because.
So you and I: let's write and see what happens!
Love
kj
I like the path you are turning on right now in life. I wish you JoY. And Big Love. I, on the other hand, never think of resolutions for New Years; my birthday has always been my personal "rethinking time" and usually my biggest desire is to be more grateful for all I have. This year is different . . . This year I am Bringing Sexy Sixty Back. Oh ya. **blows kisses** Deb
ReplyDeleteAh Deborah, you will have no trouble with that return!!!!!
DeleteOf that I am very sure!
Love
kj
kj,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wise course for the year.
I plan to continue to visit and read along here for the inspiration, and wise words!
Happy new year, kj!
Brenda
Always glad to have you here, Brenda .i wish you a terrific year and I always like to read about how it goes for you
Deletexoxo
kj
You won't see resolutions from me. I'm just waiting to see how it all plays out.
ReplyDeleteYeah, me too cs, except I do feel more resolute. I have to laugh rereading this post. A healthy stand for me!!!
DeleteLove
kj
No resolutions here. Best feeling! I'm going with the flow this year
ReplyDeleteBe prepared Mim: this means I insist on seeing you soon! Or trying my damnest :-)
DeleteLove love
kj
*just giving a high five*
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear friend. You are a star in my sky
DeleteLove
kj
No bullshit....I like that one!
ReplyDeleteA while ago I read this quote : If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.
~Unknown~
I have given up this a while ago and that saves me a lot of energy, and you know what I am ok with this that some people don't like me. I don't like all people either :)
It's hard enough to stay true to yourself , so better leave the bullshit out ;)
I like Mim's answer. Go with the flow :)
I just hope it will be a great year for you . You are on the right path so just go dear.
♥M
Me too, Marianne, it's a relief to let go of being liked by everyone! I hold myself to being gracious and welcoming whenever possible. That's plenty enough!
DeleteHere's to a great year!!!
Love
kj
ha....no bullshit sounds like a great approach to the year...our time is too precious and far too fleeting to be wasted on it...
ReplyDeleteBrian Yup!!!!
Deletexoxo
kj
Good luck with that seeing as 3/4 of being with people is bullshit. Them trying to manipulate either you or their position. If you really want no bullshit I say good luck and recognize what is REALLY on the plate when the waiter sets it down. OH yeah and get ready to lose most everyone you thought was a friend because you won't let their bullshit slide anymore.
ReplyDeleteI am with you on the no bullshit thing but I bet I have more experience at a no bullshit life than you, So kj if you can't tell regular shit from bullshit just ask i can now tell just by the smell.
Mark. Honestly that is not my experience. I am blessed with people of integrity all around me. Hell, maybe I'm just good at filtering out the riffraff :-)
DeleteI am also a counselor, you know, and that means I understand why people sometimes live create or put up with bullshit. Not to say that I play wasteful games these days. I do not
I think you should listen to me too :-)
Love
kj
karen you sound so strong. well, you always do but this sounds even stronger. you know yourself and are shaping yourself and appreciating yourself. go for it, all. hugs, suki
ReplyDeleteI felt extra strong writing this, suki . Thanks for saying so
DeleteLove
kj
Kj, You made me laugh. No bullshit, that is wonderful. For me it would be no more drama, which is bullshit. I have lightened my load the last few years of people who make and like drama (even though they pretend to be victims) and my life is so much more peaceful. I still love those people and wish the best for them, but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Peace that is my word and I don't find it limiting, but freeing.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hahaha Annie! Yes, no mean spiritedness involved; just clarity.
DeleteGreat comment. I'm with you xo
Love
kj
loveitloveit. amen to all that dear kj. i read on another friend's blog about her resolutions and they too pointed to a new year in which she was committed to be more true to herself. reading your list made me remember how important it is to do what we want in life when we want and not waste time or tolerate bullshit. also to cherish what is precious. between jb, your mother and daughter with her growing family, you too are blessed and you regularly demonstrate that with such love and passion. may 2013 bring you much much more of all this - and may it also be a year filled with grace, joy, good health and love.
ReplyDeletexoxo
amanda
Hello Amanda! I wish all this back to you! Time to clear the path and check the parachute and jump!!'
DeleteWith love!
kj
Haha! No bullshit was my mantra when I turned fifty! Now, a decade later, I'm not sure what my word will be. I do know that I can no longer make resolutions that set me up to disappoint myself again and again.
ReplyDeleteI need to practice loving kindness because it begins with ourselves. I'm fine applying it to others in my life, even strangers. But why is it so hard to know I need to start right HERE with ME?
I'll have to think about my word for this new year. Perhaps it will be "create." As in, new art, new me?
Groan.
Maybe I'll keep it a secret for all our good!
xoxo
Love,
Lo♥
Lo, you are a most wonderful person and one of my closest dearest friends. Why would you be kind to others and not to yourself? Age old question, so influenced by our early years and journey for self acceptance. But at what age is enough enough? You have seen me make a clear decision when someone could not meet me halfway. No malice there, just an honest step aside.
DeleteI vote for your word to be ENOUGH! :-) because you are that and more
Love
kj
That's two words, but you'll find no argument from me!
ReplyDeleteMy circles are small, perhaps that is why I am comfortable in each one.
I recently had a confrontation of differences with a new renter in my building.
I had to bring in help to mediate a small aggravating dispute.
It worked out to meet my needs.
But I don't feel like including the others energy in my ... That circle.
It's nice to be able to chose!
Life is good, it's also short...to keep it good I make good choices! Color me happy!
Happy new year KJ ... Enjoy that coffee, be happy!
Wise, Lynn, very wise.
DeleteI wonder if my circles will become smaller. I honestly don't know! But I will make my own decisions based on what I can give freely.
Happy new year, ms authoress!
Love
kj
I like your moxie, kj. This year I'm not going to make any resolutions (well, I should learn more about my iphone and clean a closet - lol). I am going to focus: on the people that matter, on writing, on art, on taking better care of me and those that I love. But I should do that every year. Viva la vida! xox
ReplyDeleteAh Pam, you've said it all, just like that. I'm following you. Which is my lucky distinct honor and good judgement.
Delete:-)
Love love love
kj
How I love you KJ! Your intentions for 2013 are so similar to mine...even Shakespeare's old saying 'to thine own self be true' could be coined...no not in a selfish way, but by (at last) surrounding myself only with people who value me...and want to value myself more...I can't believe it's taken me soooo long to get to this stage of my life. I hope you're feeling better dearest and so happy that you have a loving partner and beautiful family...you deserve every wonderful thing that comes your way in 2013!
ReplyDeleteChrisy, thank you. I thank Renee so much for meeting you through her. We know what she would say about self care!!!
ReplyDeleteLet's make this the year. Let's.
I love you too
kj
Gosh I have never heard you utter bullshit KJ- ever! My word is 'soar' and it is a good word as it keeps me focussed on my art. But who knows how long it will last- a month- another day? Is that even important?My word should have been 'fukemall', as that is how I feel about the human race right now and people in general. You said 'no bullshit' so that's my no bullshit statement. Hope you are all well again and soon will see a lovely silver lining again.
ReplyDeleteJoss, xoxoxo to you xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteDon't give up. Good people have to rev up their good energy
This year for you: absolutely soar !!
Love
kj
love you just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year my friend!
ReplyDeleteYou may or may realize it but your gentle words and unstinting encouragement helped me keep putting one foot infront of the other...
Know that if I can ever help, you have but to call:-)
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