Friday, April 06, 2012

Mish Mash: some things I've learned along the way

I have pneumonia. The physician assistant who diagnosed my returning cough told me I needed to slow down. I told her I don't think I overdo. When I asked her if I could work today, she smiled knowingly before she advised no. Okay, so far slowing down is not hard because I'm tired and dragging on the couch and happy to be here and not somewhere else. No work until next Tuesday, no traveling, and (maybe) no gardening.

So I started thinking of some things I've learned, some that will serve me well to remember.

1. Cherish small spaces. I've known this since I was a little kid. If I can create a sanctuary for myself by hanging a poem or painting in a corner of a room, I know I can go there for contemplation and comfort. In the same way, I have a tree. A park bench. A bay. A new round rug in the den where I read the morning paper.

2. And who else might I be, anyway? I am no saint and my ego rules sometimes. But I try to be kind, I am honest, I'm fun on vacation, and I know to pay my way. I had a conflict with a coworker last week because I asked her for an update on a matter of mutual concern, one that affected my clients, and she told me to talk to her boss if I didn't like the way she did her job. Whoa. I tried to tell her why I wanted the update and that I meant no offense and she told me I was 'frankly demeaning.' Whoa. I left a phone message apologizing if I came across that way and no response. Okay. I tried times three. I can blame myself and feel awkward but I'm not inclined to. In the past I probably would have. But don't even know what bothered her and she's not talking, so I'm okay with that.

3. Making bread is curative. Not just the kneading and the shaping and the rising and the buttering, but the baking and the sniffing. When I take the time to make bread, every part of me slows down. Often while the loaves are cooling, I make a fist and knock on them. Why such a ritual would soothe me, I don't know, but I've found the whole process calms me down.

4. There is no need to apologize for liking glitz. This shot is from Las Vegas. I have been there three times and I am obsessed playing those quarter slot machines. Someday I expect to win
$ 1600. I just expect that. :^) It would play better for me to say I spent this time hiking in the Smoky Mountains or doing volunteer work in South America, but I'm past the point of diminishing my enjoyment of a fancy hotel or a smoky casino. Another thing: I love nature and oceans and open skies. No doubt. But isn't there something beautiful about this huge glitz building too?
5. I believe in miracles. I say this without doubt. My father died fifteen years ago but he still brings me flowers in unexpected places and JB and I still stumble into the best roadside restaurants in the middle of nowhere and I have dreams that tell me what I have to know. It's only been in recent years that I can say life is hard, too often too hard: maybe I've come to recognize that because of the state of an unstately world--but I know too that the universe provides. I'm better off having faith in myself and being willing to believe what cannot be understood.
6. Some people are precious. One time a long time ago my friend and business partner Nancy called to say she was reclassifying me. She told me I wasn't putting enough time or attention into our friendship and if I didn't want to be reclassified, I'd better change that. She was so direct that even now I think back on that and laugh. But I got the message and I straightened up. Some people you just gotta hold on to. Some people take residence in your heart and that's that.

7. Many objects are happy to do double duty. I'm no longer rigid about protocol or following the obvious.

8. There are people who truly lack a conscience. It is not possible for them to ascribe fault to themselves and often (for a time) they come across as so charming and strident in their positions that even when they are clearly offensive, they fool people into apologizing to them instead of the other way around. These folks are often sociopaths. I saw this play out on the blogs this week. These folks don't charm indefinitely, however. True colors emerge sooner or later because without a conscience they usually go too far in their mean spiritedness. I've learned the hard way that the best thing to do with a person like this is to run fast.

9. And finally, many of those greeting cards and posters featuring cats and dogs, often in weird positions or dressed up in silly costumes, involve animals who are mistreated or used only for commercial purposes. I suggest taking a moment to look into the animal's eyes and to picture what was required to take that photo of a dancing dog or a dangling cat. This is an industry that should not be supported.

10. Oh one more thing: an update on my Mother. There are encouraging signs. But until yesterday she had been in bed for more than two weeks and she had not eaten. I have been prepared that she may be too tired to continue. Nurse Debbi told me, "Sometimes when it's time they just stop eating. There is no pain in that. We can keep her comfortable." My Mom has looked like a sleeping angel. But today, she is dressed and eager to play cards. My final lesson today: you never know. What may seem like a final chapter may not be.....

happy weekend, my friends. Thanks always for coming by.

love
kj

59 comments:

  1. I'm so sad that you're ill. As for your reflections, I'm with you except on numbers four and five. I doubt that you're surprised.

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    1. Snow, I can't help but to suggest that you keep an eye out for synchronicity. Not everything that can be counted matters and not everything that matters can be counted' or something like that. You know who said this. I don't think it's even tied to god. Some things just defy our senses, and when that happens, you can miss the miracle if you don't allow for the possibility

      So says Madame kj :-)

      Thanks for your well wishes
      xoxo

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  2. Thanks for sharing your lessons. Please slow down and let yourself heal. Feel better soon.

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    1. Thanks Barbara. I'm in slow motion, resorting to judge Judy and CNN, in no order :-)

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  3. Kj, Smiles to you...frown that you would even think of not gardening...if you don't take care of the crop what will Emily R. fall back on when there is a shortage of frozen avocados due to her brilliance and business acumen, for shame!

    Wander

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    1. Mr wander xo, I can't get out there yet. Plus, no avocados grown in cold weather new England. Plus Emily is being advised by many, including her uncle bunny, to stick with frozen peas and frozen grapes

      I heard she is conferring with a local karate teacher also. I sense trouble ahead. And here I am helpless on my cozy couch

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    2. But I bet Brussels sprouts grow there.....

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    3. Ah so, you are a wise man, mr wander

      :-)

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    4. Kj to answer your question over on my page...I don't know how to go about finding an agent, or who I should approach in the publishing field. This is all new to me as you know...what do you think I should do?

      Wander

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  4. I like that your friend took the trouble to tell you that she needed more attention from you. I was defriended last year by a woman who had been my best friend my whole life. She said we had grown apart and I guess she didn't consider our friendship worth putting more attention into. It still bothers me and I still miss her.

    Anyway, love your list and get better soon.

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    1. So sad to hear this, lilith. When someone you trust withdraws like this, it is betrayal and betrayal breaks skin . It happened to me too and I still find it hard to believe, though there were signs I chose to ignore

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    2. Trouble with blogger, but I wanted to end this comment assuring that you deserve better and xoxo

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  5. I had double pneumonia when I was a child. May I tell you something that I remember about it after all these years? Even after I had recovered, I was weak for several weeks afterwards and was unable to play even though I wanted to...I had to spend a lot of time just lying on the sofa, resting. To this day, I rememeber the stories I made up in my head to pass the time. So, don't forget to rest even after you think you are over it! :-)

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    1. Kay, I am conviently ignoring this reality! I am telling myself I have a very mild case and I will bounce back quickly

      Okay, I know you're right: a day at a time

      Thank you very much for the advice, I appreciate it xoxo

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  6. Love the post~~I'm not a glitz person but the shot of Vegas is pretty darned GOOD! (I'm still pouting that the *old* Vegas is gone...before I could get there! LOL!)
    Number 8 is a keeper.
    People need to read that one.
    CLOSELY.
    And I do mean CLOSELY. *wink wink*
    But isn't it wonderful to have good friends that aren't wack-jobs? Like, ummmm, ME???? LOL!!!
    BTW....where is E.R. during your illness. I have a feeling she is up to something.
    Take care and do slow down. (says she who can't quite grasp the concept...) Seriously, you don't want this to regress and send you to hospital. There's too many sick people in there.

    XXOO~~♥
    Anne

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    1. Anne , you are too cute!

      I've never been to the old Vegas but the current Vegas is one of a kind. The $ 30 buffet at the bellagio (sp?) is a once in a life time feast. I've never seen anything like it.

      And as for # 8 I wish I could provide blog details on what I am referring to. You know, but what's the point? In due time....

      Thank you dr Anne. Xoxo

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  7. Miss KJB....now enough is enough....time to slow down - really..just for a bit. Listen to what your body is telling you..

    Emilwee has just been visiting me in *The City by the Bay*...so you can have a little extra peas for a bit. (Check your mail soon!)

    I believe in Miracles.... and I believe your wonderful Mum will decide when her last chapter is to be written.

    Sending you love and strength...particularly now...

    Love,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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    1. Ms wrobin, I know of what you speak: in the mail has arrived something that would turn anybody green with envy.

      :-) x 10000000

      This is the perfect Easter get well stay out of trouble gift. Thank you. And Emily is with you????? I await details.

      Xoxo happy Easter !

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  8. You poor thing. Make sure you take care of YOU right now. And I always enjoy your words of wisdom and insight. xoxo PS My experience of animals is that they stop eating when it's time. Why should it be different for people?

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    1. Andrea, you offer a realistic and in many ways comforting fact. Thank you.

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  9. Being sick is no fun. But it gave you time to share some wonderful thoughts. Glad to know your mom is better.

    Is emily rabbit bringing you soup, and crackers, and tea, to help you feel better? After all you've done for her, it's the least she could do for you.

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    1. Rob-bear, I have just learned Emily is in San Francisco. I hope wrobin will fill us in

      I thought she was on her way to you from new York. Her mother is upset with me for letting her hop amok

      Xoxo bear

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  10. You know kj, I'd bring you Easter chicken soup if I could. Oh, I already told you that???
    Well, I still would.
    Pneumonia is nothing to play around with. Seriously. Do the down time, it's worth it in the long run, and you will kick it soonest.
    I'm not big on Glitz either,,but I adore your first photo here. Is that in Ptown?
    My favorite expression is "Expect A Miracle". And when we do, we receive them. And when we don't, we still receive them. I can't imagine anything better than that, can you?
    Feel real better, real soon!
    XOXO

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    1. I loves you babs :-)

      I know you would bring me soup, and likewise ditto.

      I don't view 'god' as you do and yet we arrive and stand at the same place.

      Where I am most honored to be. Friends for life, babs xoxo

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  11. There is indeed no need to apologise for liking glitz. At christmas time I put my tree up, then the lights (multi-coloured) then the baubles (multi-coloured) then lots of home-made stuff from various neices nephews and god-children ... it's a hodge podge riot of colour and glitz and I love it! It speaks to my childlike self of all good things. Why should I apologise for that?

    Trev had pneumonia earlier this year. It started like a cold but we ended up in the hospital. Take care KJ OK? Go easy and rest rest rest. After he got better he was still in low energy mode for a couple of months so don't push too hard for a quick return to full schedule loading.

    Easter weekend and I am buying myself & Trev an easter egg each. Can you believe that Trev thinks it's a waste because you get too little chocolate for your money? Since when was that the point? He needs help that man and lucky for him I am on hand to provide it. Just a snippet of nonsense from my life that I hope will raise a smile KJ. Much love to you and JB. xx Jos

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    1. Jos, hello! ♥ !

      I am glad to hear you are supplying Easter chocolate . Perhaps trev can locate a larger chocolate egg somewhere?!

      I hope my energy is not reduced to the point my work and my writing and my garden suffer. Not to mention my very willing grandmotherly duties

      Enjoy, my friend. Come sit on a log with me?

      Love
      kj

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    2. I was doing stuff yesterday when I got a twitch in my memory. I was thinking about you and your mom, and I realised I'd forgotten to say a prayer for you both. I am not sure who or what exactly I am praying to but I think praying is an act of faith that there is some worth in hoping wishing and praying so I am sending out every good thought in the hope that ears hear and the Universe listens. I will sit with you here for a while if that's OK. Warmest hugs xx Jos.

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    3. Aw jos, don't make me cry. As it is you just reached out and grabbed my heart. Thank you thank you always. I accept your prayer most eagerly . My mom is still touch and go and I am unhappily confined to a comfy couch, both temporarily I hope :-)

      With love
      kj

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  12. Firstly
    Take care Karen... u really need rest
    and i loved all the points u shared with all of us..
    specially loved 2, 5 and 8th :)

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    1. Jyoti, thank you. Beware of # 8's, although my friend walking man offers a different perspective

      :-)

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  13. Hey you, what's this with the pneumonia? I'm shocked to know that you are down with that and hope you continue to follow doctor's orders.

    Seems the crap with that co-worker might have been enough to tip you over the edge into illness. Maybe not, but that was the kind of thing that used to make me sick. I do not miss co-workers, even the good ones!

    Love #1 and it makes me appreciate my small house. #4-of course there is no need to apologize. Having been raised in Reno the gambling scene holds no appeal for me but I can see how it does for others.
    #5-definitely! My mother has sent me butterflies since her death in 2000. The other day our mail brought an appeal from the Nature Conservancy addressed to my mother at our address (she never lived here). The envelope had a beautiful blue butterfly on it, and inside was a sheet of address labels with the same butterfly on each, along with her name at our address. Phenomenal!
    Which leads me to #10, wow does that bring back memories. Those hospice people prepared me time and time again that the last days were here. Once, after a few days of my mother slipping away and hospice all geared up for the curtain call, my mother did what yours has just done and surprised them all. I was outside pruning her bushes and the nurse came for her visit, went inside, came outside to me and said, "She is sewing!!!" Yup, she was.

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    1. Ah Lydia what a great comment! Xoxo

      No, the issue with my coworker was only a blip, since I tried and left it at that

      Your mother sounds like my mother. Thank you for sharing what you do about her ending days. It gives me comfort, honestly

      Happy Easter Lydia ♥

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  14. P monia? Get your rest kiddo.

    And then have numbers 5 and 7 tattooed backwards on your forehead so when you look in the mirror you can read them.

    So you work with someone insecure about sharing mutual necessary information? jaysus they even have social service workers afraid for their jobs now eh?

    I could hang out in that breezeway and read me some Dickens. That chair looks just right for ol' Charlie.

    Never run from a sociopath, once known, they actually are pretty funny to watch in their pathetic attempts to fool the next victim.Besides you know you'll speak out when the time is right anyway. AND say the right thing.

    Like I said get your rest and let your lungs clear up then go hit the beautiful Vegas architecture...I kind of prefer the the quarter slots myself.

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    1. Mark you are a dear.

      That sociopath broke my heart , but you bring up a fascinating point. Hmmm...

      And have me pegged. You have no idea how tempted I have been to speak and shout out. I hate slippery escapes.

      Happy Easter my friend. Stay close xoxo

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  15. Kj - I am hopping over to tell you to be good and be a little slug. Just loll, and amble around. Perhaps stare out a window, and watch for the Easter bunny. Take care of thou. xox!

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  16. Kj, So sorry you are sick! Do what the doctor orders.
    I will comment on the issues that stand out from your post.
    First I hope your mom is on the up swing, I love small spaces, my bedroom is one, but I hate gliz and casinos and Las vegas, but I allow everyone to love what they love, does not mean I have to love it :-).
    I have had friends that were very sweet and charming and blamed everyone for everything and never ever said they were sorry when they hurt me, it took a while, years in some cases, but run I did, finally. Good advice.
    I also agree about the cat and dog ads!
    Have a wonderful Easter and feel better fast!
    xoxo

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    1. Annie, acknowledging is akin to apologizing. Some people just walk away. Good thing there is karma! :-)

      Happy Easter to you too xoxo

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  17. Kj, So sorry you are sick! Do what the doctor orders.
    I will comment on the issues that stand out from your post.
    First I hope your mom is on the up swing, I love small spaces, my bedroom is one, but I hate gliz and casinos and Las vegas, but I allow everyone to love what they love, does not mean I have to love it :-).
    I have had friends that were very sweet and charming and blamed everyone for everything and never ever said they were sorry when they hurt me, it took a while, years in some cases, but run I did, finally. Good advice.
    I also agree about the cat and dog ads!
    Have a wonderful Easter and feel better fast!
    xoxo

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  18. Nice post. You might like this Wordsworth quote about little acts of kindness. Acts of Kindness

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    1. Hello Carole, thank you for your visit. I saw the quote; yes, kindness trumps almost everything. :-)

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  19. Happy Easter :)
    ♥M

    I have to come back and read this later.............
    I have to start preparing Easter brunch now and later I will go to my Mom!

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  20. I hope you're feeling a little better by now KJ and that you can enjoy Easter! I like these posts of yours - I think there's a lot of wisdom here!!!
    I agree about the animal pics - I'm really not a fan of cute outfits for them ..
    Good to read that your Mom has bounced back! xx

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    1. Happy Easter Caroline, you and you lovely nest and tweets xo I won't buy those animal cards and I wince when I get one. I
      I'm glad you don't like them either

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  21. oh my gosh kj thats pretty scary. you better not do anything more than tap away on your new mac. or read. or i could come teach you to knit. :)

    #1 and 3, yes! #8 :( and especially #10, hug hug hug.
    feel better! get well! xxx

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    1. Lori sf, not doing anything is easier said than done. My pansies are upset. They want out of their six packs :-)

      Thank you especially re # 10. You know how I feel. I appreciate that to the moon and back

      I'm counting down with you

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  22. Oh my dearest KJ, you must now stop and take care, no arguments! I had bornchitis for weeks and it was so tough to get over it, and pneumonia is far worse. So, be patient and listen to your doctor and to JB too. I liked reading your post so much, but for me the last one was the most important one of all. To see your mom revive and become herself again, must have been a blessing for you, and so special. Now you be good!

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    1. hi joss, i promise i will take care of me!

      thank you always, kiss kiss

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  23. Oh so sorry to hear about your illness. Pneumonia is serious so you best be a good girl and listen to your physician! Enjoyed your post, but #6 would be difficult for me! I require "low maintenance relationships"...the type where once the souls connect, we can go on for months or even years without spoken or written words, yet can pick up where we left off, but the hearts have never stopped conversing. Guilt free relationships.

    I am loving my small space. I have not missed my gardens, for my soul mate needs daily tending.

    Happy Easter, Happy Spring. Happy Happy Everything! **kisskiss** Deb

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    1. hello deb, you make a good point about friendship. at the same time, i know there is a give and take as everyone has different needs. if a good friend feels i am neglectful and she is not unreasonable, i am happy to hear her and do my best to be more attentive. in this case, my friend died unexpectedly several years later and i was always glad that i was the kind of friend she hoped for.

      xoxo

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  24. Oh dear Now I am sorry I saved your post for last....... I read you are ill.... :(
    I think you have to take care of yourself now dear. Listen to the doctor, listen to your body and to this friend who tells you you have to take it easy and recover first!
    As for 2 and 6 , to be honest I don't like people like that! Grow up I would say!
    I think friendship is resistant to a period of silence . real friends are able to pick up where they left . I think Everyone's life is busy and friends who are demanding thins are no friends. Friends should be understanding.
    Love that zinnia picture! Hope my seedlings will survive and grow in the garden! They are now in the shed.
    And indeed you never know. I just hope your Mom will live to be over a hundred!
    As for you be a good girl now and take care eh!!!!

    love and healing hugs and happy Easter to you and JB!
    ♥M

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  25. hi marianne,

    see my comment to deb. i'm someone who likes to keep in touch too :^)

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  26. I hope you are reading this from your bed, I mean it. With plenty of fluids and chocolate.

    I enjoyed reading this, as you know we have much in common, beside Renee of course. All this is too familiar not to comment, particularly about number 8; I agree with you, gently close the door, we have way too much in our baggage of good manners to slam doors, that is left with the vitriol and the malice to those very confused people that abound - unfortunately - in some corners of the blogs. My philosophy is very much like yours, they jump at the chance of vilifying someone because of their own sense of self. For example, someone just wrote some pretty vile things about "someone". When 3, (3!) of her readers, people I don't know but who obviously know me sent me copies of her post with some very remarkable comments, I didn't bother to respond or to even take a look at. Self-serving pieces are the dynamite of those false edifices, and yet some honest people see through the smoke and mirrors.

    Two days later the post was gone. Throw the stone and hide the hand. You wonder if they even suspect what goes on unseen and unknown to them coming from the people they are supposed to impress with their "caring"? They are narcissist and they are only real in their fantasy world, when someone holds a mirror to them, they become these truly pitiful creatures, filled with anger and rancor, not to speak of innuendos and half truths. Why? the simple answer could be that they have been unmasked. But the truth, as The Walking Man said, is that eventually someone, those who enjoy slamming doors for instance, do so and the whole tower of deceit implodes and one of the reasons why I do too run away from those people as soon as I can while others rejoice in watching the mask fall it is because I don't stop to look at train wrecks.

    I like bling too. I won't join you in Vegas because people smoke and I am deadly allergic to it, and I mean deadly, as in anaphylaxis and getting shot in the heart and getting the heart going again but with two broken ribs as an aftermath. Heck of a price to pay to play. So, no Vegas for me. But I wear bling, lots of it to compensate, so there. Bling is good, really healthy and guess what? no calories.

    Be well my dear friend and give that gorgeous Mother of yours a hug from your friend who lives on the Moon. Much love to you and JB.

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  27. Lovely to read this - very well put and I agree with each one of them. Hope you are feeling better soon.

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  28. Good points...all. I am so sorry you've contracted the dreaded "P". Ugh. I like the bit about making each small space a sanctuary. I suppose that is what I did in the small hallway with my poetry wall. It is now a destination, rather than a passage to or from.

    And oh....fresh baked bread. If they made a candle that aptly reproduced that wonderful scent, I would buy it. But we know that such amanufactured scent could never come close. *sigh*

    ((hugs))

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  29. Ooh, sorry about the pneumonia. I had that once - kind of miserable. Hope you are on the med, soon. But how lovely to take it as a time to reflect on lessons learned. I so agree about the meditative nature of break-baking. Most slow cooking, in fact. Ditto gardening, another love we share.

    But don't knock the Smokies - they're amazing! :-)

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  30. I love your words ... and you! Hope you feel better already and that your mom is recovering nicely! Love, Silke

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  31. Oh, I'm so sorry, kj, pneumonia is so miserable. I have been ill myself with bronchial pneumonia for the last week or so...I am dragging myself around with absolutely no energy, so I do understand!

    Hope you're feeling better now! And I hope your mom is, as well.

    I look outside, and even though last week it was warm enough for all the snow and ice to melt, today it is snowing once again. I can't wait for warmer weather! xx

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