People I Know: "H"

I was a Consultant where she worked for a couple of years. On my last day, she left a small stained glass jewelry box she had made for me and a card on my desk, just minutes before I headed out the door. The card said “I’d like us to be friends.” That was seven or eight years ago.

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We met again quite unexpectedly two years later at a conference in Florida. She was with her best friend and I was with JB. The four of us had a grand time sunning and funning through the soft sand and warm nights.

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We’re separated by a hundred miles and too little time. Still, “H” manages to sneak away every six months or so and for a couple of days we catch up and wind down. Other times we bring our families together, often in Provincetown, where her thirteen year old son and I rise early and along with our cameras watch the sun rise too.

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She arrived last weekend with a bottle of wine and box of tea. It was on a hard day when I had just left a three year old little girl and her two year old brother. They had not seen their mother since they were taken from her two weeks ago for neglect, and they found comfort in my familiar voice and face. They held on to me and sobbed when I had to leave them. I won’t forget the sound of their sadness any time soon.

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I was telling “H” about this and we got to talking about how few people anyone can really count on in life.

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“How many for you?” I asked her.

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"Not many at all,” She paused, “well, you,” she said. “I consider you someone I can count on,” Then she added, “But that wouldn’t be easy for me to do.”

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“Me either,” I replied.

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We smiled at each other. “You wouldn’t judge me, would you? I’d need to be sure of that,” she said.

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“No, never,” I told her. “And I would need to be sure that you can keep a secret.”

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“Definitely,” she said.

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We both nodded. We smiled again.

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Two friends established two rules:
--no judging
--no telling

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And in that simple exchange, our confirmation and communication was sealed.

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“We should try to see each other more often,” she said.

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“Two times a year for sure,” I replied. “And three would be super.”

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The next day I asked her, “Could I come for Thanksgiving dinner if I had no where else to go?”

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“Of course,” she said.

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Later, I cooked spaghetti and she had four helpings. I made note of that, because it reminded me there's an often unspoken third rule in friendship: notice the little things. That is something I don't want to forget.