Thursday 13: The Good and Bad: The Ying and Yang

This week I'm thinking about experiences and events that are neither all good or all bad, but some of each. There have been times when I think I'm too serious in my blog and others when I'm afraid I make life sound too sing-song easy. So this week I'm listing 13 things that have a ying and then a yang.

1. We start with Mohegan Sun. I love this casino: it is artistically beautiful in every aspect. But it's the slot machines that call my name. I start with the quarter slots and if I'm half-way lucky, I make it to the dollar slots before I lose all my money and have to go home. Once I won $ 250 and it might as well have been $2,500. Any time I leave with the same amount I came with, to me I won. I know it's magical thinking, and I feel badly when I lose, but I love the ying and yang thrill of it.

2. Next, blogging: my family thinks it's a cult. My friends show obvious facial boredom when I talk about it. My partner complains I spend too much time in a virtual universe. That's the ying. But I know and you know the yang is wonderful. As a writer, what could be better than the privilege of interesting intelligent people from everywhere reading and commenting and sharing back? My daughter had the good humor to wrap my Christmas presents in "I blog" paper. Then she gave me an "I blog" magnet for my refrigerator. It's true: I blog. And I'm grateful and happy about it.

3. (I know Ces: I forget to rotate the photo and then it's too late. ) I bought this bureau for $ 60 on a sad lonely birthday. I still remember how depressed and discouraged I felt at the time. But today: I also look back and remember I bought myself a nice present on a bad day. Good for me.

4. I don't like snow. I live in a valley that has alot of it. Ok, I admit it's beautiful. I admit I love a giant snowstorm when there's plenty of food in the house and the fireplace is roaring. Just don't ask me to live in a snowy climate forever.

5. This is a shot of my trip to Italy with jb. What could be wrong with that, you ask? Well, three weeks before the flight, I had emergency back surgery. I wasn't sure I'd recover in time. I wasn't sure I'd be agile and fun to be with. But I did and I was. Sometimes you just have to show up, wait it out, and let the universe take it from there.

6. For a month or more I was consumed with taking self-portraits. I got the idea from the blogs and liked it because I wanted to know what I looked like and who I had become. My family nagged me about this as badly as they do about blogging. But I persevered. My point in including this photo is that I think my eyes confirm that I can't lie very well. I am willing and I try to lie to spare someone hurt feelings, but I'm bad at it. So this is about the ying and yang of lying. That's all.

7. Here's an old picture of my dad and me. I could say that helping my father die at home was a tragic horrible experience, but if I did that I would be leaving out the fact that it was also moving and meaningful. I look back on it and I am very proud of myself from start to finish. Plus I'm no longer afraid of death or dying--at least not in the same way.

8. In the best and worse category, meet Ms. Ellie. She is a street performer in Provincetown. She sings the same song, off-key, over and over and over. She is also in her late 70's with legs to die for (well, ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit). Ms. Ellie makes it to this ying and yang Thursday 13 on spunk alone.

9. New Orleans. My two weeks with the Red Cross will always be one of the best and one of the worse experiences of my life. I saw so much tragedy and sorrow. And I also saw so much courage and kindness.

10. My mom is now 91 years old. She's lost a big chunk of her memory but not a fragment of her enthusiasm. The Ying is she is still trying to take care of me. The yang is I am quietly trying to take care of her. And she plays those quarter slot machines right along side me.

11. I'm forever grateful to have this unique wonderful human being as my dearest friend, but I hate that she is so far away. I'll be the first one to sign up for time travel if it means we can sometimes have morning coffee together.

12. This is the entrance to my favorite beach. I hate walking in the sand to get there. But it's so worth it.

13. The last lacks a picture: Tomato City. After years of plotting and planning and dreaming and designing, jb and I opened a restaurant. It was successful from the first day and it was a disaster from the first day. When we closed it down, we were not sure we would ever talk to one another again. jb's sister sent us a check and begged us to go on vacation together. That was a good thing. Now when I look back, I am so glad we tried. There were awesome moments. And I'm so glad we found our way out.

That's it.......