Thursday, September 25, 2014

Warm Sweaters (so to speak)


Somehow I am at a point where it is very easy to spot love in plain sight and around corners. I have such dear people around me. 

Look at her. She turned one in August and every time I see her a new facet of who she is and will be shows itself. This is Reese. 


And this is Logan. He was pretty silent for his first two years. Now at three, I could listen to his questions and joy all day. 

I  have four children, ages 1 through 7 in my life, who I find just amazing. I am so grateful to know them, to be astonished by their perspectives and their silly dilly ways. 


It's good to push back on secrets. You never know when authenticity may help someone else. So with some relief I show you my (beloved) partner JB who has had a time of it; anxiety and worry to the brink over too many months. She's finishing up a month in our (beloved) Provincetown and all the release and replenishment we'd hoped for has happened. JB has spent time with herself, making art, walking along the ocean, hearing the waves, stepping into sunsets, and greeting strangers and friends. A world of good, it's done. Amen. 


Look at her: my (beloved) Mother who in January will be 99 years old. I carry such love for her; I'm the most present daughter I can be. But. It's gotten hard. Nursing homes are hard. Personal care needs have increased, remaining memory has decreased, sometimes I become her sister Betty. Sometimes she tells me the truth that she is alone in that nursing home and how great and safe she feels when I am there with her. It's hard. 

The people I love are warm sweaters. 


This brings us to this poem about the mess of current affairs:
What can I tell you?
Of course the world is turned upside down:
Wars and worries wear thin
Even though the seams.
But the sweater of the years is knitted tight,
Weathered wool that softens and warms 
Even the prickliest skin.

I’ve worn that sweater in pouring rain
And I’ve faced the nighttime shakes
and only once did a chill remake,
In some strange manner 
Only once is too often now
But I am better 
And with better comes hope.
And after all, hope is the warm sweater
Of days to come.

Before I end this, I want to thank you so much for visiting my blog and taking the time to leave such welcomed comments. it means a lot to me and I hope you know.

love
kj

18 comments:

  1. Everyone needs someone or some thing of no material value to care for. After 2.5 years of constant stress within a month about 1/4 will be decided by the bankruptcy court. That will be relief enough for now and then like you say there is the grand kids who i don't see enough of but keep up on.

    The wars fuck it, we have been in WWIII since 1949 but it's only now that people are realizing that people are making war for profits and material gain. Now in another 10-20 years our group think will decide what we are going to do about it it.

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    1. mark, it kills me that you have lost so much. I hope for some relief that you know is real and solid. the grandkids have much to offer--innocence of view for one thing.

      you are probably right about the years ahead. i hope it will not be 10-20. what a mess of a mess. i almost want those bombs to drop and i worry about feeling that way. we do what we can. is that enough? i know the answer so i pray in my own way for faster truer wisdom all around.

      love
      kj

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  2. Dear KJ, I didn't realize how much I missed reading blogs until I got started again. And yours always feels like a warm and cozy blanket to me. You truly are surrounded by so much love - and having those kids around must just be the best!!

    And JB - I sure understand what it means to worry and have anxiety. What a great thing that she got to be in beautiful Provincetown for a month. That soothes the soul!!

    Your mom is amazing!! And that you still get to be around her is even more amazing! I can imagine though that it's not always easy to visit her in a nursing home. Still, in my eyes you are both lucky!

    Lots of love! Silke

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    1. hello silke, how our blogs have changed but i'm trying to blog more these days and i love it and this community as much as ever.

      i didn't know I would enjoy and treasure the kids so much. i also didn't know i would feel exhausted by them :^)

      it is not easy at all to walk into that nursing home. it's a good place with good people and i know my Mother could not live with us--we could not care for her many needs, but i wish she were not there. I didn't expect to see her failing, even a little, and that part troubles me.

      love
      kj

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  3. I love warm sweaters people, too! That's a great way of putting it. Is that Provincetown, Massachusetts? If so, I was lucky enough to visit there a few years ago. Beautiful place.

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    1. hello and welcome, stephanie. yes, that is provincetown mass. that it is so consistently beautiful--even season--amazes me, as if some higher power took a paint brush to it and just keeps painting :^)

      love
      kj

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  4. so glad JB is doing better, so glad...

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    1. my dear mim xo,
      so glad for sure.

      gearing up for fall and winter; how about you? time for a chat. or brunch.

      love
      kj

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  5. I'm glad you have so much good in your life. I enjoy visiting your blog and having you visit mine.

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    1. thank you, snow. we go back several plus years now. i appreciate that. you ask more questions than i do, oh wait, maybe not…. :^)

      love
      kj

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  6. What lovely photos and yes the people in our lives whom we love are like warm sweaters. I like that metaphor. I think the ocean is like the mountains, it feels and sustains our souls. I'm glad that your partner was able to feed her soul. Take care woman, sending warm hugs.

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  7. Warm sweaters. I like that. There is something cozy and comforting about the people you love.

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    1. love is all there is, love is all there is :^)
      love
      kj

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  8. Kj, Beautiful post and poem. Lovely photos. Love comes in all shapes and sizes and it is a warm sweater. Hugs to JB. xoxo

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  9. "The people I love are warm sweaters. "

    So simple. So loving. So true.

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  10. It is so nice to catch up on your family... I was going to quote the exact thing that 8thday quoted just above this! Fabulous line! oh and NO WAY THAT'S REESE? HOLY MOSES ! She grew like a weed!!! SHe is beautiful! As is your Mom! Take care, kj... sorry Ive been so scarce... I always like to catch up here... its a bit like home!

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