Sunday, March 04, 2007


I had not known what it feels like to be lonely until about two years after my divorce. I was back in college then and there was a woman in one of my classes who was very bright and considerably overweight. We became friends. She would throw open her vast shimmering mind and I would wade in, totally awed. One day we were standing in the pychology building, talking, and she reached up and very gently took a twig or something out of my hair. It was the way she did it.

"You like me don't you, as a friend?", she said. I said yes. "And you're divorced and unhappy ane you wish you had someone t sleep with". I said that was true. "But you don't want to sleep with me because I'm too heavy." "Well," I said, "I suppose that's right" "Don't you see what you're keeping yourself from?" she asked me. "Tell me, how much better are you willing to let your life become?" But I did not answer, because I was very young and had not yet learned just how much someone who loves you can offer.
Hugh Prather, Notes on Love and Courage

I read this more than 25 years ago and I have never forgotten it. It's found its way to me again in what seems like coincidence, but here it is on my desk, on the heels of so many thoughtful comments on my last post about accepting differences and in a larger way being open to life.

All I have to say today is:


Hugh Prather, one of my favorite writers, again:

Most of us don't look at things, we look at aspects of things. Our interests are specific. We don't see people, we see clothes or bodies or mirrors of our performance, or we see symptoms of wealth or grace or intellect or sensuality. And slowly we become what we look at most.

If we become what we look at most, doesn't it make sense to look wide and far until you see the possibilities and experiences you never thought possible, learn about the world and yourself in ways you might have otherwised misssed, let the universe lead you to the best friend you've always hoped for, and begin to understand the limitless potential of so many people and relationships?
And doesn't it make just as much sense to look right next door and right nearby just in case a kind hand and heart--with whatever appearance-- might be in waiting?


  1. words to live by kj! love this post and you tricked me! I thought you were writing at first, haha! Good one!

  2. haha val, tricks are good things sometimes, right?


  3. A good things for me to hear right now. Thanks.

  4. I loved this! This is a big wake up call for me.

    BTW I've decided to meet Pam right after the move. You were so right!


  5. csl, i'm glad. thank you.

    tammy, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Wise words. Thanks for sharing them with us, Kj.

  7. I thought just like Val and was about to say: this is Too Live and Too Open.

    Sometimes I think it is good for people to go to third world countries and see the destitution and the poverty. People do not have these issues. In the heirarchy of needs theirs is stuck on the basics, they have dry and wrinkled skin from the scorching sun and are satisfied with a little rice and fish. They seem happy and always smile.

    They find a mate who they like and hope would be kind and help them survive.

  8. thanks, marie.

    ces, i know this topic and my writing may be self-indulgent. you certainly have a point. but at this time and this place, and when poverty's not involved, it seems to me that it's too easy to overlook loving people and loving acts. that's what i was trying to say. :)

  9. just what i need at 6:30 on a Sunday evening. thanks, KJ.

    have a great week ahead.

  10. Actually KJ, I was not referring to self indulgence on your part but on my tendency to perseverate on analyzing issues and topics that I should instead consider with natural simplicity...but of course nothing is ever simple.

  11. I think I have said the last statement before somewhere...

  12. Just beautiful, KJ. I love the writing...and the meaning.

  13. again, something very simple but not always easy to do for some people.

  14. Oh, I love this, KJ! Countdown starting for BY ...

  15. You need to have your eyes wide open because too many other people aren't trying to love you they are trying to screw you.
    If you listen twice as much as you talk you atleast have a chance.
    I have met some very warm, sentient beings out here in the blogosphere who have enriched my little is so reassuring that so many of us are wandering around the garden smelling the roses.