Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Security and Passion.

"Security and passion are two separate fundamental human needs that spring from different motives and tend to pull us in different directions.... We all need security: permanence, reliability, stability and continuity.... But we also have a need for novelty and change, generative forces that give life fullness and vibrancy. We’re walking contradictions. What is true for human beings is true for every living things: all organisms require alternating periods of growth and equilibrium.” 
From Mating in Captivity by a sex therapist named Esther Perel.

Hmmmm. I'm writing about this very contradiction. It is a core part of my second, almost finished novel. 

Security or Passion? I'm curious: if you were choosing which way you'd like your life to lean, which would you favor? 



  1. i'm wondering if security isn't always an illusion.

    i choose passion.))


  2. I want both in equal measures. And yes, I realize that is weaseling out. :) xox!

  3. In my youth it was passion and only passion- never gave a damn about security- but now it is security security security. Sigh, another sign of aging......

  4. It depends on the moment, but I admit I am a security based person. sad but true

  5. dear esther, i think you can have both at once, they each make the other better. maybe it depends on not just yourself, but the one you are with? dear kj, you've almost finished your novel?! congratulations!

  6. I find my security in my passions. Let the water tumble over the falls and I will be securely holding the soap to bathe with.

  7. I think Erin has this pegged. Security is an illusion and we crave it mostly out of fear. Of what? Of everything. Passion being one of the scariest things of all because we can never forsee how it will turn out. Passion is like jumping off a cliff without first seeing how high up you are. It's laying yourself wide open to the elements with no clue as to whether you will be carressed or kicked. To experience passion is one of the things that re-assures us that we are actually alive! I choose security though ... scaredy cat that I am. I cannot wait to read your new book KJ. xx Jos

  8. Kj, Passion, no question. For one thing I have lived a full life without security. I grew up in an unstable home, so I had no security, never married, eek out a meager living, so there is no money.
    I always trust spirit, so I don't worry about security, but I would die without passion, passion for nature, art and animals and anything else that happens to catch my eye :-)

  9. I am with soulbrush. when younger it was all passion. now, i long for security with a taste of passion.

  10. I want both, definitely. Security matters deeply to me but I've in no way moved away from an intense need for passion.

  11. Sometimes I feel like I'm too old for either. But a little passion would be a welcome change, I think.

  12. I am a real Capricorn and that means: always going for security but at the same time realizing that thát is ab-so-lu-te-ly NOT realistic. ;-)

  13. I've had both and neither lasted. What to do?

  14. PS "if you were choosing which way you'd like your life to lean, which would you favor?"

    Oh, but I am choosing, assuming that choice is really possible to any of us, and it's on the side of routine security.

  15. First, I LOVE those carrots!!! Are they yours?

    With my Brawny Man, it has always been passion, and yet, there was always security in that passion. Now I find myself adrift with no security in sight. Oh this Human Experience. Lovelovelove Deb

  16. kj,
    I am visiting after a small break from blogging.
    Such an interesting picture, quote, and question.
    When I think about how my life has gone, not just in relationships, but also in goals, and choices, I have chosen a certain kind of passion. I chose twice to leave marriages,( which are a form of security), because they didn't feel healthy, or honest, so I think my passion was for truth, so to speak.
    I have chosen to lave secure jobs, to try new ones, so I think I have a passion for change, too.
    Choosing one's passions have certain costs, but also make life interesting, I think.
    Not sure if this is what you were getting at?
    Cheers, kj,

  17. Passion. I am sufficient enough to realize I can provide a measure of security for myself, as much as is possible anyway. Any security today could easily be tomorrows mirage anyway. But passion??? THAT I WANT! Not sure I'm capable, but if you don't try, you certainly won't get. Those carrots are so damn cute. Nature is not without its humor!

  18. P.S. (to the comment I made just abit ago.)
    I am happy for you, kj, that your novel is coming along! :)

  19. Hi, kj. It's great to see you again (well, as much as one "sees" anyone in the bogeverse.)

    Interesting question you pose. My affect is so flat, there is very little passion on the best of days. And living in a cave above the tree tops is not my idea of security. (Leaves me up in the air, so to speak.) Not impressed. Sigh. It's a Bear's life.

    But I am out of hibernation. Moving to a new address (back to an old one, actually). Maybe spending part of the summer on Blogland Lane, for a change of view. Catching fish in the lake when nobody else is around. (Wouldn't want to terrorize others by swimming in the lake when it is full of people, if ever that were to happen.)

    Glad to hear your book is coming along. My doctor thinks it would be a good idea for me to write a book, too. Maybe about Bears. Hmmmm.

    Also glad to know that Chase is doing well! That is exciting news.

    Blessings and Bear hugs to all!

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