Thursday, June 09, 2011

Animal Wednesday: I Am Innocent! by Emily Rabbit



It is 100% NOT FAIR that I got arrested again, not to mention that I am too little and innocent to be threatened or punished just because I threw an artichoke at a mean woman who told me I was a brat and threatened to call my Mother, all because I borrowed a little kid's colored markers. What was that little girl doing with colored markers at the farmer's market anyway; she was sitting in the grass pretending to draw trees that really looked like dried up lollipops and when I hopped up to her to ask if I could borrow her purple marker so I could draw a picture on an eggplant but not get caught so it would be a secret picture, this little girl pretended she was afraid of rabbits and she started yelling for her Mother, who came running and almost stepped on my tail just as I got out of the way and I probably shouldn't have picked up that artichoke and thrown it at her but how did I know the sharp little needle would hit her nose and make it bleed not to mention she was a total crybaby.


So I am in jail for the third time and this time there are three women with me who have secret candy bars and told me I could borrow their nightgowns to use as a pillow if I would teach them how to cry from their stomachs which of course I will because remember, I do that better than anyone but do you think I will get in trouble if they start BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-ing in the middle of the night because I am pretty sure they won't care if anyone gets mad because they told me they are women of the night, whatever that means, but I think it means they already know how to make sounds at night.


I think kj is going to pay the $ 35 and pick me up tomorrow morning but she told me this is the last time she will help me if I ever throw anything at someone again because she said I could have hit that mean woman with the whimpy kid in the eye or broke her glasses but really, she deserved it, don't you think so?

And guess what? I still have the purple marker and I am keeping it but I might trade it to one of these women of the night in exchange for this little rubber balloon one of them has in her wallet. I told kj and she said NO WAY EMILY! but why would she say that?

I hope you have missed me and I promise when I am out of jail this time I will try to write more plus I will keep teaching you how to have more fun but I don't think I can teach anyone how to stay out of jail because really don't you think it was worth throwing the artichoke?


I do.....


Emily Rabbit


  1. Emily, I think you need plastic surgery on your ears to make them look like a cat's ears because small ears mean big self-esteem, and big self-esteem means staying out of trouble. Oh, no, wait, I always get that backwards. It's big ears that mean big self-esteem, and big self-esteem means you think you can do whatever you damn well please and get away with it (think Congressmen Weiner). So, Emily, what I would suggest is that you get your ears reduced so that you'll hate yourself. That way, you'll be too depressed to throw things, and life will become a lot easier for KJ.

  2. Kid you may be not guilty but there are very few innocents around. The best way to head to trial without a deal being struck is to keep making the claim of innocence. Every convict in the world says that.

  3. Oh Emily.....
    *shakes head...sighs*
    I suspected there was something going on when you had not stolen, errr, BORROWED KJ's blog for a while.
    My little bunnikins....we need to have a talk.

    I know you've been trained well,
    I know you are smart,
    And that you like gardens
    And do well in art.....
    The problem I'm seeing
    Is though you're quite GOOD,
    You bend to the will
    of your whims and your mood.
    (I've not much room to talk
    As I'm quite like the latter~~
    Doing things on the fly
    Thinking later *What's the matter?*)
    So listen here Emily,
    You've got to grow UP!
    Those women in prison?
    You don't need that bad rep....
    And by bad I mean BAD
    Yes, they're Chicks of the Night
    And they do naughty crimes,
    Not like artichoke flights.
    (Ask KJ on this, as I'm sure she can say
    What they *REALLY* do out
    In the night,
    Not the day.)


    And no *balloons* either~~
    Nope, I won't explain why,
    Just hang onto your marker
    And get out, jail fly!
    You're a good little bunny
    With so much potential
    That these trips to the slammer
    Are quite nonessential.
    If art is your goal,
    And the tools what you need,
    Then ask within Blogland
    And I'm sure you'll receive
    A nice little package
    For drawing and paint
    A good thing to do~~
    Throwing artichokes ain't!
    (besides I like to eat them....)
    Now I'll end this long verse,
    With a virtual hug
    And tell you dear Emily
    To be good, not a thug.
    Maybe this time
    As much as it hurts
    'Twould be best just to stay there
    And see how life works.
    For one can't go on erring
    And always except
    Poor worried KJ to be
    Standing on deck
    To bail you out
    Of these awful adventures
    But instead, be mature
    And hang tough, front and center.
    For while in the slammer
    You'll see what will happen
    To rabbits AND PEOPLE
    From fighting and scrappin'.
    So I'm sending you love
    And I'm sending you kisses
    And don't accept ANY
    From that cell full of Misses!!!

    (Emily, you're a good bunny, but you've got to work on the temper. It's hard to write you a good poem when I am wondering what is happening in that jail cell. It leads my mind to places I do not what IT or YOU to go.....)

    XXOO & Bunny Hugs~~

  4. ANNE! goodness gracious! fantastic! oh my!

    ... oh emily, i think you need a good lawyer...

  5. Emily, did you see my nephew in jail with you? He's probably hiding behind one of those ladies!!

    After what Anne so creatively said...I'm just going to DITTO all of it!



  6. Emily... i have a photo just like that of my parents...They said that they were just posing for a photo when they were on holidays (In the 60's) BUT i have my reservations perhaps they got caught throwing artichokes tOO?!! (Tee! Hee!)

  7. Ah, jail yet again!!!!
    Ya' know, it is getting harder to bail you out..your weputation is gwowing! You must TWY to contwol your urges!!!

    I DID think of you and KJ the other night at a "Wing" Wehearsal!
    It was "Die Walkure", Act III, Scene 1....the famous "Ride of the Walkure" music! YOU KNOW IT! Anyway, I happened to glance up at the Supertitle Scween.....and....someone (?) had inswerted "Kill the Wabbitt! Kill the Wabbit"! I am NOT kidding! It was so funny.. and....if YOU has not been "behind bars"....I might have thought you had flown to SF and tampered with the Supertitles!

    Sending wove and hugs and peas and purple markers!

    Wuv, always,

    ♥ Wrobin ♥

  8. Emily~ My suggestion is that you make a list of all the things you CANNOT do without severe consequences, such as throwing things at people or being manipulated to do things by people you don't know. Then you will see there are so many more things you CAN do, and stick to those! Honestly, I thought it was pretty creative to write on an eggplant with a purple marker so it would be secret. Maybe you should put on the NO CAN DO list, "Markers are for paper." Besides, I think kj has an excellent, FUN project for you do it that you have wanted to do for some time: write a book! Get hopping!

  9. just the TITLE of this post makes me suspicious miss emily. just the very title....

    What's with everybody? what's wrong with balloons????

    xoxo kiddo

  10. This is certainly not fair!!!!!!
    Look what happens when I am away for a week!!!!!!
    This should never have happened when I would have been around.........
    It is not your fault you don't have markers and it is not your fault the kid acted stupid......
    Well things are as they are so now you have to make the best of it.
    So have fun with the ladies and earn some money giving them tips and learning them valuable stuff will you. Maybe they can teach you a few things as well....... Don't listen to tips how to stay out of jail because it didn't work for them either.............

    Love from your best friend!