Is it true you can't have joy without sorrow? Or up without down? Here are a few dualities that catch my attention these days:
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1. The inner city where I work is 80% poor and 20% middle class. Following yesterday's snow storm, today I could barely navigate along neighborhood streets because they were so poorly plowed. Except in that 20% area: Clean to the pavement. Now why would that be?
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2. For all the fear that accompanies losing your job, I've probably counseled several hundred people in that circumstance, and once the dust settles, their strongest emotion is relief, closely followed by hopeful anticipation.
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3. It's well known across all species in the animal kingdom (human beings included) that when you feel secure you venture out and when you don't you cling.
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4. Person #1 is constantly seeking change to improve the relationship and get what they want, which is more contact more care. On the other hand Person # 2 wants acceptance of the status quo, and so they work to keep the relationship stable, predictable, and unemotional. Person # 2 doesn't see change as an advantage. Person # 1 thinks that Person # 2 is the problem because she/he won't change. But when Person # 2 contemplates a change requested by Person # 1, Person # 2 thinks that to change is to capitulate or be controlled by somebody else. Stalemate! (Pia Mellody) (Just so you know why some relationships fall apart)
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5. Yesterday the temperature was 32 degrees F and it felt like summer. That is because the average temp has been zero to ten degrees for weeks now.
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6. I have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself for big and small reasons and here's my four year doll of a client who's been in foster care for two months now and her mother hasn't show up to see her and her two brothers for the last two scheduled visits.
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Have a good weekend, everyone! January in New England is moving on and I am already practicing the rites of Spring!
the last point broke my heart
ReplyDeletemy friend, how great to hear from you. sometimes the losses and poverty issues are almost unbearable to witness, but i know i am often making a real difference. commitment, kindness, and competence matters so much.
ReplyDeletexo
Hello KJ ... interesting observations to keep in mind ... no 3 is so true and yes I agree with your first commenter :(
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking about No 4 for quite a while.
ReplyDeleteNo 3 has been me for some time now - I had not realised it until I read your words. I need to do something about it.
Enjoy the weekend KJ :D
kj - having lost a job in the last economic downturn, you're right there's always hope even if it doesn't 'pay' quite as much.
ReplyDeleteYour fourth comment . . .had to read it a few times mind . . .I never understood why a relationship was a 'battle' for 'control'. Maybe that's why I'm single. I used to hate change but it happens anyway so we might as well accept it . . .now I'm dying for change and it won't come! Have a good weekend, sunny and 35 celsius here . . .
I too had to read #4 several times. But opposites do attract right? So sorry about the little 4 year old, already in therapy or counseling (I'm not sure what you do really) goodness. Blessings, suki
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I am of the opinion that one can have joy without sorrow. But then, there is still a tiny outpost of optimisim somewhere deep in the wilds of whats left of my brain. :)
ReplyDelete#3 Hmmmmmm, #4 Too True!, #6 Perhaps perspective is the most important thing, there is no understanding some people.
Be good to yourself, that is hard work you are doing, hugs!
I think there are people who are intense and yet averse to maudlin sentimentality. That is their nauture which is not to say they don't care. If Person no. 1 wants someonbe to be available whenever she wants, then she should not look for someone like Person No. 2 who probably considers relationships as mental connections. Right? Anyway, there's is always a person that is right for you!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are long overdue some Spring KJ!
ReplyDeleteSo much to understand, so little time.
ReplyDelete#1) I spent most of my life in the 80% section of town. I wish I knew the answer.
ReplyDelete#2)I think the fear of losing anything is great until you're given enough time to remember how miserable it made you! Jobs are a means to an end (in most cases)and very few of us are lucky enough to be doing something we love. Hope is always on the horizon after any loss, I believe.
#3) Oh...so so true!! Survival instinct.
#4)Some people settle happily into the status quo. Some people are unhappily settled. I think 90% of relationships have at least one partner wondering if that's all there is at some point along the way. Some feel restless and need to move on to find the answer, while others find solace and comfort in the familiar. It will always be that way. I've been on both sides :)
#5)Hopefully I'll have this same complaint and observation next year ;)
#6)Hard as it is, perhaps she's better off not seeing a mom who probably doesn't even show up for herself. Still, my heart breaks for her because she's too young to understand.
You can still feel sorry for yourself without guilt KJ. Your grief is still your grief, not to be compared or belittled by other's problems.
Thank God January is almost history!! Perhaps spring will bring the renewal and awakening you seek.
xo
bimbimbie, it's nice to see you here.
ReplyDeletemiladysa, the way i see # 4 is nobody's right or wrong. it's more about not understanding what each person needs and hopes for, and where each is coming from. and #3, go for it. you have plenty of loving arms around you (mine included)
baino, i hope change comes your way soon--be on the lookout for it! re # 4, a battle for control is what happens when the people involved don't know how to hear eachother. accomodation is not always possible, but being heard goes a long way.
suki, yes, opposites attract! and sometimes that is nothing short of wonderful!
lavender, wise comments. i always like what you have to say,
ces, i don't think this opposite is always about mauldin sentimentality or wanting someone to be available at all times. authentic communication and mutual support is not always easy.
ReplyDeletechief, yes, spring awaits!
debra kay, sigh... :)
lolo, lots of comments to ponder. i feel and appreciate your support.
I left a long post yesterday - or at least I think I did - but it doesn't show. The thing that got me about the little girl is how much she will blame herself for her mom not visiting her. That neglectful mom is hurting the child whether she is with her or not. What a world we live in!
ReplyDeleteTake care KJ - spring really is right around the corner.
If you believe the Taoists, of course, there is no yin without yang. I'd rather hope for the balance to slide towards the good stuff.
ReplyDeleteThere is hope, I guess.
So, so sad about the little girl in foster care. And, as a rule, I greatly prefer joy for myself and others. But it will come as no surprise to you to know the post I'm getting ready for tomorrow is delaing with the whole joy/sorrow issue as part of life.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little I lived in the 80% area but we didn't really care. It seems now that it is more separate than ever and more apparent too. I hope you feel warmth soon :) I am sorry that little girl waits for someone that doesn't come...
ReplyDeletemim, the little girl's mother had the same thing done to her by her mother. honest to god, i think about adopting her, and her two brothers. i wonder if years later she will remember me. we jump up and down when we see each other.
ReplyDeletepeter, 'slide toward the good stuff'. i like how you said that.
cs, hmmmmm....
val, feel warmth soon??? how about in one week when i smile at my good friend over dinner?!
kj this is so true:
ReplyDelete'...that when you feel secure you venture out and when you don't you cling.'
Hope you had a wonderful day.
Love Renee xoxo