Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Return of Emily Rabbit......


artwork by Ces on her notecards with her little Bic pen

Well, I, Emily Rabbit, have agreed to try to write on kj's blog again. I am being paid $10.00 but if anybody is mean to me I am going to charge $ 15.00. I am a little rabbit and there is no reason to be mean to me. You should be nice even though I might not be nice back to you.

I wrote kj's friend Ces and whoever Isabella is a letter asking if they wanted to be friends. I don't think they do but I think they agreed to try. I'm not really sure. Ces drew these pictures after Isabella said that I stole her shoes and her towel and that is absolutely not true. It was not my fault that I had to borrow her shoe to carry my jelly beans to the kitchen and then I had to use her towel to make a tent in the back yard because it rained.

kj told me I can write what I want but I am still not allowed to use any"F" or "S" words. That is fine with me because if anybody is mean to me I am going to send them rabbit pellets from the yard and tell them it is mocha candy.

I hope that my friend Pieterbie says hello to me. He was very nice to me when a certain woman who is an artist and kj's friend told me I was not allowed to cry, plus she and Mr. Cream mentioned rabbit stew and that was very mean. I cried and then I threw jelly beans and dishes on the patio. I did not get punished because even kj said no one should talk about rabbit stew in front of me. I do not think any one should eat it either.

Here is a story that happened to me a few years ago. If you like it you could send me some extra money. If you don't like it, you could pretend you like it even if you don't send money.


I drove JB's new car. It was a white Honda Civic with the letter "H" on the steering wheel. JB says that is where the airbags are stored, but I think the "H" on the steering wheel means HAIRBAGS, not airbags.

I was driving JB's car and a policeman stopped me. I was afraid he would arrest me because I did not have have a license and rabbits are not supposed to drive. So I told him my name was Emily Hairbags.

He said, "Ms. Hairbags, you were driving erotically."

JB told me later he meant erratically.
He said, "Be careful, okay Ms. Hairbags?"

I said, "Certainly Officer".

The End.

P.S. kj is away and maybe she will write stories next week and maybe she won't. I am still discussing how much she will pay me if I write for her. kj is not that generous, so I'm not sure what will happen.

Sincerely,

E. Rabbit

21 comments:

  1. Dear Emily Rabbit:

    Eow! Let me be the first one to say that you, Emily Rabbit, are the cutest story teller. I love the air of juvenile innocence in your statements. I am sorry our first inetraction did not go well. I promise to be nice and kind to you. I think $15.00 is a rather fair request. By the way, who really pays the money? Also just so you know, I would never dare eat rabbit stew. I don't eat any dish with fairy tale ingredients like venison sausage or rabbit stew. I also own a real rabbit named Snowflake who I love dearly. You could see her photograph on my blog. Again, I am sorry for making you sad the last time.

    Sincerely,
    Ces

    (KJ, why am I writing to a rabbit?)

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  2. Emily, I am so happy to see you again! Please don't worry if kj doesn't let you keep writing, or she is mean and doesn't pay you well. You can always get a job as an erotic driver. They make very good tips.

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  3. Hi, Emily, of course I couldn't resist to drop in and have a word with you, I don't get to talk to rabbits a lot. Not since we lost our two pet rabbits, but they were both very old. We gave them a decent burrial. They had a very nice house, you know, I made it myself, with good quality wood that was left from when I constructed a new bedroom for my darling wife and me. It had a little hatch that I could open so they could roam around the garden and climb back in when they wanted shelter. The house had a large playing area that had mesh wiring in the front and a small sheltered sleeping area with a little opening, protecting them from the cold and the wind. I'm sure they were very happy there.
    Do you have a nice house?

    I didn't mind you stealing Isabella's towel, but that is, of course, not very nice of me. I should feel sorry for Isabella and say that you were unkind. But then rabbits will be rabbits.

    Great storyline, I'll look forward to meeting you here again!

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  4. Hello Emily Rabbit,

    Nice to see you again. Good for you. At least you are blogging. I am not. I only posted once. I wonder when Ces will let me blog again. Being friends with you would be fine, I think. The only problem is I don't get around much these days. I heard you actually speak, I don't. I am very quiet.

    I did not say that you stole my shoe and towel, heaven only knows what goes on rabbit's minds, but seems to me it's either eating and making rabbit pellets. Mailing out your mocha turds may be a fun thing to do, just don't send them here. I may ask ces to send Snowflake's mocha turds to KJ. hers are dark chocolate. I read lagomorphs make at least 500 mocha turds everyday. I hope Ces gets to meet you someday but she is scared of rabbits who talk. She'll probably cringe and be covered with goosebumps. She truly loves and cares for her daughter's pet rabbit though. I know she admires you and is quite intrigued with your adventures. She thinks you are very clever especially with money.

    I don't mind you running away with the shoes but please not with my towel especially if that was my only drape. Mr. Pieterbie would have probably wished there were no dotted columns to give me a little privacy, but he is a man and you know what their priorities are. You and I should band together, you are female after all.

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  5. How can a Silly Rabbit not use an 'S' word? Silly, silly rabbit should have never agreed to that! ;)

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  6. He,he... this is surreal!

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  8. dear ms. ces, i am glad you said you are sorry. maybe i will tell you a story. i will try to be your friend but i HAVE to cry and whine
    sometime.

    carla, hahahahahaha. i have never made money as an erotic driver but i did start the jb fanclub. i was almost arrested because i was in charge of collecting dues from people but rosie the dog was supposed to send out a newsletter but she didn't and people got mad because they paid dues and didn't get anything. it was not my fault.
    maybe i will tell this story on kj's blogspot.

    my friend pieterbie, i live with my mother on bunny boulevard but sometimes i stay with jb and kj and i always try to take vacations with them, except sometimes i forget to tell my mother and jb refuses to tell her it was not my fault that my mother did not know where i was. then i have to tell my mother than jb was sick and i needed to help her.
    ps i think it is better if you like me more than isabella i am younger and want you to be my friend before you are her friend. and maybe she doesn't care. if she does care, you could tell her you like her too but really i hope you like me the most.

    ms. isabella, oh, i didn't really mean what i just said to mr. pieterbie. ok, we can be friends. you should tell ces she is very mean if she will not let you talk and say what you want on her blog. i will help you if you need help. i can also teach you to talk, but first you should learn to cry deep deep from your stomach, like boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-boo-hoo-hoo-hoo. that will solve alot of problems.
    about your towel, i had to take it. next time you could have two towels and i will only take one. i don't know what you mean about mr. pieterbie and you hiding behind the dots. oh maybe i do because i do wear polka dot underpants sometimes. i will band-aid with you. tell me how your crying is coming along and then i will teach you how to throw things.

    skinny, i was forced to agree. but i still might say "S" words if i have a chance. I have two favorite "S" words and i like to use them together.

    mr. sidney, what is sore-real? is it the same as falling on your tail?

    sincerely,

    emily v.v. rabbit

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  9. Dearest Emily,
    Can you please find it in yourself to forgive my insensitivity. I shall never mention that dish again, in fact I am thinking about going vegetarian.
    Driving erotically?
    I often do that when I am trying to fast forward to my favourite song (Baile Morena) on my Zucchero CD while keeping one eye on the road.

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  10. Snowflkae, The Real Rabbit06 May, 2007 07:33

    Hello Emily,

    How are you? I went gardening with Ces. She let me play in the yard. I ate some charcoal and then had diarrhea. Ces gave me a bath, then she rubbed my ears and fur and let me sleep on her lap.

    You should be an erotic driver. I think you will make a lot of money. Tell KJ you should get a raise. I love your stories. KJ uses big words that I don't understand sometimes.

    Sincerely Snowflake, The Real Rabbit

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  11. Hi Emily! It's so good to have you back! You make me smile and laugh, and I'm thankful for your offer to sell me rabbit turds to put in my girls' Easter baskets if they were bad ... they were good when I told them about the turds. I hope you're having a very nice spring! I throw things, too, when I'm mad. :)

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  12. Emily Rabbit you are so cute & funny!
    (I have a niece called Emily whose pet name is Rabbit - go figure!)

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  13. By driving erotically do you mean that you had your top down and your rear end was wiggling all over the road?

    btw: I am scratching hosenpfeffer from the menu forever.

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  14. Ms. Emily, I have a dog who likes to take my towel while I'm in the shower. Maybe I could pay him to write my blog. But I don't think he'd be as articulate as you ... there would be lots of tree and water references, for sure.

    Maybe see you next week, unless kj reappears.

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  15. Ooops, I mean't driving in a convertible!

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  16. A funny, creative and relaxing post !

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  17. Emily - D and I make it a policy not to eat at restaurants that have rabbit on the menu.

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  18. oh Emily, I drive erotically when I'm topless - it's the only way - I thinks it's because the wind gets in places that it normally doesn't - especially on a small rabbit I should imagine!

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  19. mr. cream, i forgive you. maybe i could come to your restaurant and i could show you all the foods i like to eat.

    real rabbit snowflake, i think you should take a trip with me. can you travel without that leash? do you like to roll down hills? will ces give you spending money? please let me know.

    melissa, try throwing pots and pans, and eggs and jelly beans. you will like it.

    chief, maybe we are related? do you give your relatives presents on their birthdays? i have 3 birthdays...

    he and ziggi, i don't understand a word you are saying. i am too little to understand what my top down has to do with being an erotic driver.

    bibi, i like you.

    hildegarde, i like you too.

    bearette, you are nice and smart.

    ps. i emily rabbit like this blog so far. please remember to be nice to me and send money for jellybeans.

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  20. Hey, Emily Rabbit, I like you a lot, you know, but it is difficult for me to say that I like you more or less than Isabella. Liking, loving, being someone's friend is not something you can measure.
    It is just important to know that someone cares for you, measuring is not at all important when it comes down to emotions.
    Am I getting too complicated for a little rabbit?

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  21. Just two more things.

    I think it rather unkind of Isabella to pretend to know what my priorities are. Never the less I can understand her point of view as in general the thoughts of men are pretty basic, I guess we cannot help it, it is partly hormone driven. I don't mind the dots, they add to the mystery of the situation and keep this blog nice and 'clean'.

    To Emily Rabbit: age is really unimportant. Love, like, friendship is in no way related to age. I know a girl/young woman of 16 that I consider a friend and I also have a dear friend who is 60.

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