Sunday, April 30, 2017


It's been a wild month. Winter has given way to Spring and that's a wonderful thing. I'm a happy gardener and I like nothing more than seeing new growth and planning my own plots of land. 

But. I'm unsettled and I don't like it. After four months away JB and I won't be back in our own home for another 2-3 weeks. We've had to leave our rental on the bay and move to another temporary place while the construction and renovation of our house continues. It's a bit of a helpless relationship--dealing with contractors. You can prod and try to manage but they call the shots in getting things done. We have a contract that says finish by May 15th and my fingers are crossed.

I'm also aware of a very unsettled world. I'm shocked at the power Donald Trump has amassed already. I hope I'm still alive to see his influence waned and gone. I hope there is a pendulum that swings back to tolerance and inclusion. And peace. I don't know how "we've" collectively stopped caring for one another so dramatically. 

Last night I had dinner with twelve friends from high school. We will all turn 70 this year. It is amazing for me to say outloud I will soon be 70. That's not an age that can be fudged. The conversations about achy bodies and joyful grandchildren and no-bullshit living and the importance of memories left me thinking that my own experience is more common that I think.

I'm currently unsettled because I have reasons to be. I want to get back home and plant my seeds and six packs. And not just in soil. I want things to slow down bit. More time to finish my novel. Enjoy the kids. Feel the sun. Walk in low tide sand. Be kind. Be astonished. Lighten up.

Fingers crossed.....



Saturday, April 01, 2017


How happy I am to be back at my blog! For the last few months I've been unable to include photos and that's very much cramped my style of communication here. But as of this morning, it looks like that problem is fixed. So my first update is my current location.

1. JB and I are staying on the bay in Provincetown, while our house is being renovated. This 3 months away from home, two miles down the street, means that we are waking up to sunrises like this every morning, each day watching the flow of the tides and the bounce of light off the water. 

It has been restorative. It's so lovely. Thank you to the universe for offering up an affordable rental that is perfect in every way.

2. #whynotdevin: at the end of January, a 6 year old little boy who is the son of my daughter's good friend Christine was out of the blue found to have a cancer called DIPG. Its location on the brainstem means that there is no treatment, no cure, no survival. In 40 years, not one child of the 200-300 kids each year in the USA has survived more than two years. The average life span with DIPG is 9 months.

Something remarkable has happened with Devin and his family. At first his parents asked, "Why Devin?" Then, as they refused to accept the fact that there is no hope and he will die, they asked, "Someone has the be the first one. Why not Devin?"

They, my daughter Jessica, and now many many others, started a national campaign to raise awareness and research funding for DIPG and to save Devin's life. Google or Facebook whynotdevin and you'll see what is happening. The fight has gone viral. Please help with prayers, wishes, donations. The tumor is aggressive and time is critical. We are truly manifesting that Devin will survive and thrive.

3. The renovation of our house: it is a much larger project that we ever imagined. New foundation, new shingling, new electric, new kitchen, new bath, new roof, upgraded windows and insulation and of course, all kinds of fun shopping and planning and designing.  It's been scary financially but JB and I are willing to let our knees knock as long as we don't jump in blind. 

5. Grandchildren: Last June, in the panic of Jessica's cancer (mis)diagnosis, we quickly rented a studio apartment so I could help with the kids and help however else needed. The little one room apt has been a godsend because our grand kids can come and stay and play. Here we made flowers with 5 year old Logan and he taped a flower garden to the picture window. 

I am in love with these kids. I love that I am lucky enough to have children whopping up my life.

6. And finally, TADA: if vision becomes reality, this will be our new Cape Cod kitchen. To say we are excited is a vast understatement. With luck, the whole renovation will be done by mid May.

7. And one more finally: my book manuscript is done. With the help of a few trusted readers, I'm in the revision and editing stage, hoping to begin shopping for an agent or publisher in a month or two.

All in all, I'm in good shape. Excited. Curious. Grateful. I say this with recognition that the world is 50% terrible; that the USA president is dangerous; that the age of Aquarius is in hiding. 


Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Here I Am

I don't have pictures. But I can tell you that I am sitting on a couch in a rented vacation apartment watching seagulls fly over the bay, right in front of me through a sliding glass door. I will wake up to the sight of a glorious sunrise also right in front of me for another two months, until the renovation of our currently uninhabitable house is complete.

I can tell you that my partner JB has had a hell of a time with anxiety for many months and we are finally seeing some daylight. Every day she battles and her tools are finally working.

I can also tell you that my daughter Jess has a very good friend who like her also has 4 children and the youngest of her four boys, Devin, age 6, has been suddenly shockingly diagnosed with DIPG. It is a cancer at the brainstem with a zero survival rate. Zero. Not one child has survived longer than 2 years, and it could be 8 months or less. My daughter has mobilized to help Devin and his family and this is no small matter. In three weeks, a statement has been made: "Somebody has to be the first." 

And the answer has gone viral: #whynotdevin 

You can find Devin and his story there on Facebook. He's been on the news and well wishes come from everywhere and he's taken root in my heart. I'm not alone. Please pray for him, send him a card, help with GoFundMe, and pray again for the miracle he deserves. If you know the Pope, please ask him to pray too!

I have plenty more to catch up on here, but I think for now I'll leave it at #whynotdevin. 

I hope all is well in the world of each of you, barring unreal politics. I have finished my book and am editing the manuscript. It is a joyous feeling.


Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Advice in the New Year

"Write your sorrows in sand and your gratitude in granite"

This comes from a wise and far away blogging friend, who sometimes writes in letters and a language that I don't understand, but not this time. We live in different countries and are influenced by different cultures but after many years of blogging, we know each other's heart.

I will remember this advice so well that I'm hoping it may have the same effect on you.

Happy year ahead, with love

ki-jaana-main-kaun --thank you for sharing, my friend hdwk xoxo

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Mish Mash Musing

This time of year, I miss the way blogging use to be. Before Facebook, I and about 30 or 40 connected folks would blog weekly, often more, and share all kinds of small and large thoughts and talents and going-ons. I loved connecting with my blog friends all year, and especially sharing the holidays together.

I felt like I had a reason to take photos, to write poems, to share what wisdom I might trip upon. I miss so many people! 

For what it's worth, this Christmas and the wrap-up of this year is ending with hope. There's been real and potential illness swirling around me and my family for a number of months and that takes its toll. But we're all okay--improving daily, and I am nothing if not grateful. So this Christmas I have no complaints. 

I have holiday advice if you have an interest:

1. Expect nothing. Not community, not civility, not presents, not well being. And then let whatever good happens wash over you.

2. Give. This always makes me feel good. Find someone or some reason to give and offer your time, your money, a gift, a surprise, a meal, a donut, a kind word. You'll be the better for it. Guaranteed.

3. Wait to worry. My old standby mantra. Don't worry a minute before you have to. Because if you wait, chances are the reason to worry may have morphed or lessened or maybe even disappeared. 

That's it from me. Thanks as always for stopping by my beloved blog. I'll be visiting you too.
And thanks for the friendship. It counts for a lot.

Happy happy holidays with
Much love,

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

My Mom

There was never a time
Those last seven years
When your smile was lessened 
By any fear.
You moved to a place
Far away from your home
You knew not a soul 
And you moved in alone.
A walker, a wheelchair, your memory gone
Yet whenever you saw me it was like a new dawn.
You'd ask, “How did you even know I was here?”
And I learned the right answer, I learned to be clear:
“I will always know Mom, there will never once
When I don’t know where to find you, not a day or a month.
Always you'd greet us, so happy and kind;
Every day you lost memory, but never your mind. 
You died with such grace, Mom,
No complaint or false fright
We watched you breathe softly and pass into the night.
It’s been two years already, 
 I’m so proud who you are
And I know there’s a card game
Taking place on a star.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

It appears that I am writing again, regularly, and happily. I've had a reason to look back at my words over the last few years and some of them may find their way to my blog. Like this one, which is kind of topical for me since the holidays are here and I think about certain people who have come and gone. I'm no fan of that. 

Divine Justice

Twice I’ve tried and failed. I hate regrets and I have two big ones.

Through an intermediary I send word to my first deep and true love. It is 25 years later and I calmly see my part in the painful bitter betrayal that choked us both. The response back is a non response: a dollop of vanilla variety silence. If I read into it, the non words are clear:  ‘I am ignoring you. Leave me alone.”

The second regret is less complicated but equally unfortunate. I lost a good friend to a bad decision, one that was not then and definitely not now worth anything close to the cost. It’s been four years. I’ve sent a couple of cards and left a couple of phone messages, apologizing, lamenting, hoping for a reconnect. I’ve gotten word back, olitely and indirectly, that the time is not right… maybe some other time. 

I am looking for redemption and find it buried in rejection.

Isn’t that just the way sometimes? You have to let go of someone you wished you had gripped harder or softer. You have to accept what you can’t make right. That’s your only chance. 

I’ve phoned my friend Dory and we’re sharing a double scooped hot fudge sundae in downtown Northampton. It is a warm breezy Sunday night in June and gratitude skips around our ankles. Dory has made a few regret calls herself lately, with similar results. 

We are two minds now less emcumbered by several less people. 

It’s a divine loss and the ice cream is also divine. Just ice and no heat. 

Isn’t that just the way sometimes?