Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Thursday 13: Random Love Affairs

Okay, so I admit the title of this post is misleading. But that gets me thinking. Wouldn't THAT be an interesting topic? Which gets me further thinking: I'm still pondering kj's first annual sex survey. I've started writing it but I couldn't even finish the first question. I need encouragement. And maybe even sample questions. It could be anonymous, you know. Anyway, I'm not admitting to 13 love affairs. Not today anyway.
1. Up until it happened, I never thought much about having more babies in my life. And I swore even after it happened that I would not and could not love anyone else any more than I already love my daughter Jessica. I knew I wouldn't be one of these grandmothers who's life got filled to the gills with her grandchildren. I knew that because my life is already filled to the gills. So I did not expect to love like this. I look at Mr. Ryan and I just know I will do whatever I can for him for all of my life. I'm going to share a certain way of "seeing" with him, and I'm going to believe in him so much he will have a ready reserve when he might not be able to believe in himself. And this will be true for Mr. Drew too.
2. I love the company of other women. I only came to understand what that means to me a few years ago--the 'sisterhood' women share, the strength we give one another, the way we understand, and how we quietly tend to what needs tending.
3. I needed a new avatar. It was no longer right to keep my old one, painted specially for me by my best friend who is so sadly no longer in my life. The one I ended up choosing is my wonderful friend Valgal's painting of jb's Magic Cottage in our side yard, but until I figured out that that was an awesome and obvious choice, Studio LoLo offered me the illustration above, her own painting. Lolo is such a dear and loving friend I am amazed at my good fortune. Ours is an easy, old-shoe, old-soul relationship. We laugh alot. We talk non-stop. In a few weeks she is moving to within driving distance of me, and I am pretty sure we will end up friends for life. I'm grateful.

4. The Evolution Cafe is a mile from my house and I don't go there often, but when I do, I take my laptop and I sit in the booth by the window, and I write. It's a run down place with vegan food and great desserts, one big room with old couches and a long family style wooden table. I feel like a writer there. And it feels like a luxury to be there writing, like I have all the time in the world to just be there.

5. I never tire of the view from my kitchen window. This is the first time I've lived in a semi-rural area, where I have a real back yard and tall elegant trees framing the sky. The hot tub is visible at the lower left corner of the window: I have no words to describe that luxury at midnight.

7. I don't remember who to credit for this birthday poster of Renee. (If it's yours, or anyone knows, please tell.) I also don't have words to describe Renee. I just know that I enjoy the hell out of her and that she is one of those special people I look forward to hearing from, delight in knowing, would be happy to sacrifice for. She has special status because she's tackling a life threatening illness, but the truth is the woman can write. She's comfortable in her own skin. And she 'gets' it.

8. What a trip. To have published my first book, to have people buy it and read it and like it: it's just unbelievable. It makes me happy. I don't know what will come next, but I can safely say I will now always be a writer, and I will write a second novel. But I don't know much more than that. I've started the new novel but I'm too raw to do it justice. The time will come.

9. How many people live with an imp of a rabbit who dares to plant jellybeans in the backyard and hope for the best? Emily Rabbit is now a Wednesday feature of my blog and is garnering support that I pay her for it. I could be mentally committed for reacting to her temper tantrums. Still, when I'm gardening and I come across these jellybeans, I feel like something's right in the world. And that makes me smile.

9. This is my friend Baino from Australia. We've never "met" but we've become friends and I'm glad of it. I'm including her in this week's random reasons to love because for some reason this photo makes me laugh. I just think she's adorable. I tell her she reminds me of a crusty marshmellow, and that's what I see in this picture.

10. I love my house. It's not fancy but it's cozy. That's all.

11. In addition to Emily, I also live with Esther, Mildred and the Christmas Angel who should have relocated after the holidays but somehow has remained on the living room couch. I've talked about Esther before. She is grumpy and ribald and sometimes drinks too much. Once she was found hanging upside down on a hall staircase. When we have company, someone sometimes sits on Esther, and I jump up and rescue her so fast my company thinks something terrible has happened. Which from Esther's point of view could be true....

12. Oh Stella. She is the sweetest nicest dog. She will do whatever you ask. Stop Stella. Stay Stella. Kiss Stella. She makes being compliant look easy. I admire her for that.
13. And oh Ryan. You are such a doll. You call me Gram and you call jb 'BB' and you call Stella 'Cella'. You come to our house and go right to the bottom shelf, right corner of the the bookcase and find your special box that holds your flashlight and keys. And you roll your ball and stack your blocks and run and laugh from one end of the house to the other. You are pretty fun, Mr. Ryan, and if I have my way we're going to keep it that way for the next twenty years.

That's all I have to say today. I can tell I'm sounding healthier. And happier. Thank God for that.


  1. Sending you a big smile over this post. I'm especially grinning over your description of Baino ... marshmellows are very popular over here right now (into our hot mugs of chocolate) Same goes for Baino and her blog ... popular read I mean *!*

  2. Naturally I like the look of your new avatar ... very apt for your current evolution journey ... fly birdie fly*!*

  3. oh wow.. your post made me smile a lot too... loved this post, and kiss Mr. Ryan for me :-) he's an adorable kid..

  4. The avatar is - of course - awesome and appropriate.
    FASS - boy, I could come up with a few comments for that survey (no pun intended)
    love - I remember looking at my nephews as babies, and literally feeling like my life had new meaning; and that if anyone ANYONE hurt these babies in any way I would rip their heart out. The auntie-tiger thing is strong.
    LOVE the Jellybeans in the backyard and love the picture of you etc in the water. I would also be wearing a black bathing suit (they are so slimming...) but I love the vibrant colored one on the last woman. Bold lady and just wonderful.
    Smoochies to the poochie - she has such a lovely face.

  5. I wish I had a jellybean plant in my garden!

  6. This has made ME feel happier too! I love it all. (Love the cafe!)

  7. Awwwww, such a sentimental post. I love it.
    I'd love to go to that cafe and write or sketch. It looks artsy and homey.
    Those tiny baby feet against your hand...heartstopping.
    And I know I'll love your house too, and Emily Rabbit, that goofball. I love her too. (who woulda thunk it?)
    Yep, we settled right into a great, easy friendship Ms. KJ. And I certainly laugh easily and hard with you. It feels good.

    Renee has a special place with me too. We can share her with the millions of others.

    I get Mim's protective Auntie status. Ditto on that.

    Hey KJ, I like your life. You're very blessed!

    I'm still not taking your sex survey ;)


  8. Grandmothering: Love as you've never known it. Or expected. I don't even really like kids,,,until my Jack. He is my light.
    Your house:,,,it feels like a home,and we know there's a difference.
    Planted jelly beans: Expecting a miracle. I like that.
    Stella: The eyes that read your soul's every thought, and understands. Never judges.
    Aaah Esther,,,that girl knows how to have fun, huh!

  9. Wow kj. This was the most fantastic post ever. I am in love with it.

    I will participate in the sex survey. Bring it on babe.

    1. The grandchildren. Boy do I ever agree.

    2. I love women too and I don't know what I would do without the siterhood.

    3. I'm not even kidding I just made a comment about this picture to Laurel the other day. Shocked when I saw it. It is amazing as is our sweet friend. Within driving distance what lucky ducks.

    7. I love this picture and thank you for all the wonderful things you have said. The picture is from Orly, I will get her site for you after. She is amazing.

    9. I love Baino too and I think that she is a real person. I love real people more than anything. When people aren't real I think they think they are nice but instead they are boring.

    10. The house is fantastic and the painting by Ces is incredible. Ces is such a fantastic artist. I love her.

    12. Stella is beautiful.

    13. Oh Ryan is the cutest and so is his baby brother Drew.

    kj, this was such a fantastic post. I totally loved it.

    Yesterday, this fucking monkey kept pushing the buttons for a banana and lost every cent.

    I hate the casino.

    Love Renee xoxo

  10. I always love learning more about you and seeing how you live. I love that photo of Baino and Stella
    and that kid Ryan isn't bad either :-). Glad you are feeling better.xoxo

  11. KJ....

    Wow that was a wonderful post...Like you have said of me..with every post a piece of you is given. I enjoy the pieces you are giving freely..I am thankful for the friendship that has bloomed...I will take the sex test...I mean shoot sexuality is is freedom....I like freedom....

    Emily is a the jellybean garden...Ryan is adorable...the avatar is a great choice..LOLO is a great artist..Renee is everything u have said and more...Woman rock...Cafe's or fav places are a nice comfort for sure...I love my kitchen window also...
    You have a good life...with good friends..

    Smiles, hugs
    Sonia ;)

  12. hey kj...
    i read and i smile... i read and smile... and when i come to the end...

    'I can tell I'm sounding healthier. And happier. Thank God for that. '

    oh... i should thank YOU for that, eh?

    nothing is as uplifting and beautiful as seeing the happiness of those we love...

    that paiting by Lolo is awesome, as i told you before...
    reminding me of Simorgh...
    as an avatar, it will really depict your state of mind...

    and thanks for sharing you life with us...

  13. i just totally love my blog friends and their intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, wicked fun comments.....

  14. bimbimbie, isn't baino just the cutest?! crusty marshmellow =
    crusty on the outside, softie on the inside :) i haven't changed my avatar although if i did, it would definitely be lolo's incredible phoenix. xo

    how do we know, i've promised myself i will find the time to linger at your blog. i am way overdue. i'm glad to make you smile anytime.

    mim,the sex survey will be up by the weekend. oh jeez, but i'm planning to do it. thanks for all your great observations. you are quite wonderful, you know...

    debra kay, make it happen. why not this weekend? xo

    kay, you and i could write there, and then do their weekly poetry slam.... :)

    lo, the best part about your comments here is your reference to laughing "easily and hard". that is so special! and i know ms. emily has grown on you. i think that is both charming and funny!

    babs, you nailed everything, esp. stella and her deep loving eyes. xo

  15. oh! oh! oh renee! this was the most fantastic comment ever! you write like you talk, don't you? and i just love it! that fucking monkey and its banana--so you lost it all, huh? did you win a bit before you lost? at least there's some fun in that... xo

    annie, likewise. how are you doing? is everything okay?
    i've been thinking about you... xo

    ms. sonia, it's a pretty fun way to get to know each other, huh?

    hb, i am thinking so much about you this week. i am so glad you are my friend. you encourage and inspire me, i hope you know that. xoxo

  16. Lovely loves but I really must get another picture that doesn't have me looking like a crusty marshmallow! I took that in the mirror the night of Hannah's fluro party which explaines the fluoro hoops! I'm actually much nicer in person!

    I like your house too, it looks really cosy and welcoming . . .and I know exactly what you mean about babies. After I had Clare I didn't think I could possibly share such love with another . . two years later, Adam was my 'happy accident' and I love them both incredibly.

    There's always room in our hearts for a little more love.

  17. baino, how could you possibly be nicer than you absolutely are?

    ps if you tell me so, i'll never use this picture of you again, even though i love love love it.


  18. What a great post...
    I just found out also not long ago how much I've missed women company...

    Renee is an absolutely amazing woman AND I hope to be driving up to see in the next week... I feel blessed!

    You have said things that I can so take in to my heart.

  19. pattee, thanks for coming by and for your nice words. YOU'RE DRIVING UP TO SEE RENEE? YOU MEAN YOU CAN HUG HER AND SEE HER MILE WIDE SMILE IN PERSON?

    you are one lucky duck, pattee. please kiss and tell.

    i'll head over to your place soon.


  20. That was a very lovely read.
    I've had a lovely time here.

    thank you

  21. Wow! So many things you love KJ.
    I am so happy that you shared them with us. Wow! Rene day, your friend from Australia, your house...etc.
    Reasons to blog and to share for me is very strong KJ.
    Thanks that I find very interesting read in your blog.
    In a way, your love to your family, friends, belonging, attachment....all filled in this blog!

    By the way, let me put up the award you gave me later when I am more free. I have another 3 more haven't put up yet.
    I also thinking the right person to give out to...yo many in the list!
    Thanks and have a even more random love affairs happening on the go.
    Go go go KJ!

  22. Yeah, because of the title, you make us simply want to love more.
    So random but so thoughtful!