Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Animal Wednesday: Emily Hairbags


I was driving kj's car and the hairbags went off because I slammed on the brakes after I saw the stop sign. It was not my fault because I had never driven before.
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A policeman told me to pull over and show him my license. I was afraid he would arrest me so instead I started crying, quietly at first but I built up to a loud and good boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-boo-hoo. I panicked and told him my name was Emily Hairbags and that I was driving to the hospital to see my very very sick mother.
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He looked at me and said, "Ms. Hairbags, you were driving erotically."
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I stopped crying and asked him if he wanted a purple jellybean. He said no and told me to call someone to come and drive me home.
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I called kj and she came and complained about the ticket even though it was not my fault. If she had agreed to drive me to the candy store to begin with, I would not have had to drive her car.
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Moral of the story: Lie when the hairbags go off.

26 comments:

  1. Oh, Miss Harebags. I mean Hairbags. You mean you couldn't sweet talk that policeman, even with your erotic driving? If only you had offered him a green jellybean instead. Well, that'll teach KJ to keep an improperly stocked candy shelf. How are your jellybean plants doing, by the way?

    ps. LOVE that vanity plate!

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  2. as far as i am concerned ms hairybags, that nasty policeman deserved a good spanking! maybe next time.

    wordveri:hairies (and this is not an april fool joke!)

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  3. I love the thought of "hairbags". I picture one of those net things that grandma used to wear after she had the blue rinse at the local salon.

    We knew a little kid who called Logan a "hairport" for years and we all never corrected her cause we loved that little funny word.

    Happy Animal Wednesday Miss Emily

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  4. Somehow, hairbags sounds very itchy to me.

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  5. Or flirt with the policeman ;D

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  6. This is wonderful. I love when you do these little make up stories. They are always so fun.

    I especially liked when you offered the jelly bean.

    Excellent kj.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  7. ms. bella, does your name ring? the policeman did not smile and i was afraid of jail, so i tried to behave, which i wasn't really sure how to do, so i cried deep from my stomach instead. you should try it. please teach kj how to keep my candy stocked. i would send you colored rabbit pellets if you help me. my jellybean plants aren't growing. can you help me with that? kj is too moody. ps you are still nice so i still like you.

    soulbrush, how would i spank him? would i get arrested? whatever 'wordveri' is, hahaha!

    mim, net? no mim, it was a huge balloon that crushed me into the steering wheel. i was afraid except i stopped being afraid when the policeman came because then i started being more afraid of him. hairport, hairbags, hairborne. how else would you say it?

    citizen, it was rubbery. very rubbery.

    miladysa, i was afraid, and it was kj's fault.

    sincerely,
    emily

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  8. renee, make up stories???? WAAAAAA!
    it's me emily and i only lie for certain reasons and this is not one. ms, renee, i am not going to share my jellybeans with you unless you stop liking kj and start liking me better. kj said you are a very wonderful person so you should know how to treat a sweet little rabbit. she also said you are brave and interesting but i don't believe it unless you write me a love letter and maybe include a present. i hope to hear from you.
    sincerely,
    e. rabbit

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  9. Dear Ms. E. Rabbit.

    Of course I love you, you wee little darling.

    I love all rabbits and owls, but I especially love you.

    I am sending a gift with your cousin the easter bunny. It is a picture of a man that thinks the joke is funny about a rabbit's ears being bitten off and then the poor rabbit (who could be a relative of yours) saying 'what I can't hear you.' The picture is of the man having diarrhea from too much chocolate.

    I hope you like it.

    Love Renee xoxox

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  11. ms. renee, if some man tried to bite my ear off, i would kick him in his crotch and maybe even bite him there if i could get in close enough. YUK! then i would have to eat three dozen jellybeans and two carrots just to recover.

    people take rabbits for granted sometimes. that is why i stomp my feet and cry from my stomach...

    ps was this my love letter? it was short, but i will give you a chance because you are sending me a gift.

    pss even kj says i am alot of fun when i'm not having a temper tantrum. let me know if i can make you laugh and i will not even charge you for it.
    love probably,
    emily

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  12. Emily, you were driving 'eroticly???'
    Is that a Freudian slip or a hilarious typo?!!
    Were you driving with a 'come hither look?' Do tell!

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  13. I just found your blog through Renee- Wonderful- I am enjoying you very much! I would reccomend Powdered Cocoa for fertilizing the soil around the beans- just keep the dog away. They are sure to grow well especially if you lick the shellac off first.

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  14. ms. lololo, erotically. that is the word that means all over the place. right? :)

    linda sue, oooooh! good idea. i am going to see if stella the dog will lick the shellac off. then i won't have to worry about it.

    Note to all visitors: no more talk about shellac or i might have to start charging kj to be a guest blogger, since there is no therapy available to rabbits and i cannot risk my relationship with jellybeans. please cooperate.
    e.rabbit

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  15. linda sue, welcome. thanks for stopping by. i just went to your blog and i'll definitely be back!
    i hope emily rabbit wasn't rude to you....
    :)

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  16. You are such a good typer, I think it is excellent that you know how to spell annonymous.

    Good for you wee rabbit.

    Love Renee xoxo

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  17. Driving erotically or erratically would catch my attention. (giggle)

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  18. Hilarious!
    In the end you didn´t get your jellybeans.....life is unfair to Emily haibags!!!!

    HAW!

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  19. You are so generous, and I don't mean kj.

    Rabbit pellets would be wonderful. I was thinking if I mix mine with yours and throw a match on it, then I will be able to heat the house in a fuel efficient way.

    Thank you, you generous rabbit.

    Love Renee xoxoxo

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  20. I think I would far prefer to be an erotic driver... erratic drivers are so unpredictable!!

    =)

    Peace, love, and jellybeans,

    ~j

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  21. Now I have a craving for purple jelly beans.....mmmmmmm.

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  22. renee, did you see that big word i spelled on your blog? kj said it has something to do with S-E-X. (which rabbits are prolific at but not me because i am a little rabbit)

    chewy, i have a cousin named chewy. are we related?

    marianne, i like you. you are nice and you think i'm funny. do you want some colored rabbit pellets too, because i could give you some of renee's?

    j-, erotic drivers zigzag sometimes. i wonder why....

    debra kay, do you want kj to send you some purple jellybeans, because i can tell her to?

    ms bella, do you know what should i do if my jellybeans haven't sprouted yet? help please and maybe i will help you someday (wink, i have ideas)

    signed by
    ms. emily v.v. rabbit

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  23. Very funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  24. thank you lynn. welcome.

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  25. Emily -- you are fabulous and make me laugh (not at you, of course, though!). :) Please hug KJ for me and tell her I miss her and can't wait for Sept!!

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  26. Whimsical, beautiful, funny, etc etc etc.... story AND drawing!!!!
    Cool wabbit! :)

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