Hello everyone, it's me, Emily. I have been very busy reacquainting with Gregory Squirrel and Muck, Truck and Fuck Duck in Provincetown. Gregory and I have been swinging through trees and one time we knocked over some sculpture that looked like a naked wrinkled man but it was just standing there below the tree and when we jumped on it, the jellybean bag I was carrying knocked off the head but really what kind of a head would roll off like that just because a jelly bean bag hit it? We hopped and ran away very fast because you may remember Gregory and I were arrested last year and kj said I would have to use the allowance i don't by the way get if I have to ever get bailed out again so I am trying to avoid that.
Anyway, what I want to write about today is exercise. Did you know that kj is working with a trainer and she is pulling and pushing these bars with her stomach and arms and legs and even toes and she keeps saying her muscles like the attention but maybe I'm not supposed to say she is doing this anyway I have some exercises that I KNOW everyone will like:
The Bunny Bop: Jump off a couch and land on both feet at the same time. The more advanced version is to jump off a couch while holding a ice cream cone with one scoop of chocolate and the super advanced version is to jump off a couch while holding an ice cream cone with two scoops of mint chocolate chip , and whatever version you do, part of the exercise is making sure nothing drips.
The Push Somebody: This is easy: you just walk in a crowd and push some one who looks mean and you use your arms or hips or legs to push but the best part of the exercise is you have to look like you aren't pushing because if it's obvious get ready to get in trouble. The person you pushed could even have you arrested.
The Boo Hoo Kick: You lie down anywhere like the floor and kick your feet in the air in all directions, BUT you have to cry from your stomach at the same time while you are BOO HOO HOO HOO BOO BOO HOO ING. This exercise is also for temper tantrums and it works very well but you have to be sure you don't kick an 8 year old cry baby who will tell her mother and get you in trouble.
This is enough to get you started, right? I hope you will not be influenced by the fact that kj has refused to do these exercises except that she did jump up not down one time with a cup of cherry garcia ice cream but that shouldn't really count because cherry garcia is not even one of the exercise ice creams even though I might be willing to consider it.