Monday, January 24, 2011

Wordsmiths

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I am happy for myself.
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This weekend confirmed that I am indeed writing again, trusting words: Writing poems, writing book proposals, writing second drafts, writing snippets.
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This is good news for me.
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To me, coming upon the right word is a natural high, much like coming upon a perfect musical note or a perfect shade of blue. So in this spirit I hope you enjoy the winning submissions from The Washington Post's yearly word contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. My favorite is # 6, followed closely by # 11.
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1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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And for those who think a picture is worth a thousand words:

wishing you a good week,
with love
kj

11 comments:

  1. Really must stop esplanading

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  2. Oh this one was hilarious and you are right about 6 and 11 :P

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  3. What a fun list!! Love your header!

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  4. I just can't figure out which dog I am in the picture.

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  5. I'm giggling over 2 and 4. What a great list! I also like 3. Heck, I like all of them. And the photo is hysterical. Okay, I am all cheered up and ready to conquer the World! xox!

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  6. hells, i read this at 5am and didn't understand. i had to reread my post before i got it! xox

    badh.aaah, i'm glad to provide a shared laugh with you. xoxo

    caroline, i love everything about you!

    mark, you make me laugh in the best way! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    prudie1, i had to redeem myself after the sex survey, but i still said the f word. my prudie radar must be being recalibrated ♥

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  7. Giggling here.......
    Of course I love that picture! And nr3. I can see nr6 ;)

    I am happy you are writing and feeling good about it!
    YEAH!

    ♥♥♥
    >M<

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  8. #2, #14 and #16 are my favs.

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  9. That's a Quaker puppy, speaking truth to power.

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  10. marianne, i am happy you are feeling better! you should see my kitchen window sill. i will show you! xoxo

    lynn, i like how we all like different things and all like each other ♥

    cs, HAHAHAHA! THAT is one great line!!!!!!!!

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  11. I look forward to these lists each year! I think you and I are this clever though, don't you?

    I'll have to send the list to bri. I think he'll relate to balderdash! Just as I can relate to the weight ones :P

    Fun post Ms. author/writer!

    xoxo
    Lo♥

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