Friday, May 14, 2010

An Out-of-Body Experience




Okay, this was me five years ago, but then and now, don't I wish!


In the interest of full disclosure, this little cut out along with JB's sat atop of the celebration (okay, wedding) cake that she and I had for 45 of our dearest friends and family in Provincetown, one fantabulicious May weekend.


I joke about my 'kjbabes' project, but the truth is I want (aka 'need') to get in shape to the point where I am happy with my swagger again. I want to tuck my teeshirts in. I want my knee to say 'dammit, it's about time I don't have to carry an extra fifth grader."


And yet....

Isn't it true that I do myself a disservice when I judge and criticize myself because of weight or appearance? This gets me thinking about all of us and the blogs. I have fallen in love in the blogs. I have made friends that I adore and treasure, and they will be my friends for life. I keep up with their comings and goings, I rejoice in their successes, I marvel at their talents. I love and I am loved back.


All this without bodies. Often I don't know and always I don't care who is overweight or underweight, who hikes and who hibernates, who is fashionable and who isn't. That isn't what matters. What matters is that I have the good fortune and privilege of loving and sharing with good wonderful kind interesting creative soulful people; people who are real.


There has been a lesson here for me. I knew it, I know it, I sometimes forget it, and I work to remember. What matters is INSIDE. Of course I want to be healthy and I want to like how I look, how I walk and dress, what my 'costume' and body says about me. Of course. But not at the expense of feeling 'less than.' Nor ever at the expense of feeling 'less than.'


I'm right about this. Right?




  1. For me, it's all tied to how I feel about myself, how kind I am to myself. There are days, I don't feel good about myself at all and I carry myself that way. Then, there are other days, I walk tall and feel beautiful - and nothing has changed except how I look at myself. I find that it's always from the inside out for me! Just know that you ARE beautiful already!! Love, Silke

  2. You are just fab in any size.

    So am I.

    And all our friends.

    Pass the orange blogsicle.


  3. You're right about blogger friendships although sometimes I wonder if I stopped blogging would they still keep in touch? I know you would but your special. I have a lousy self image but I'm too lazy to do much about it. Wall to wall mirrors in the work lift don't help!

  4. it's like being blind but being able to see with other senses - that's the way I feel about my blogger friends. I don't care at all how they look, inside they are all wonderful.

    But of course, you Mizz Babe are FABulous both inside and out!!

  5. kj - you are as right as rain. Unfortunately the entire fashion/beauty Universe is sending us a different message. It's not just being a little overweight (and I passed 'a little' a LOOOONG time ago haha), it's all the other messages that we get (gray hair, wrinkles, bla bla). But you are right, we all communicate fabulously, and honestly, I don't give a twit what anyone looks like. I have a feeling if we all met (maybe at a BlogWorld Convention), we would have 20 seconds of "Now, who are you?" and then slip right into great conversations. Okay, Linda has been hogging the blogsicle! It's my turn!! xo Pam

  6. interesting thought: that we bloggies are friends without physical presence/appearance coming into the friendship. it is a unique situation. cute cake topping. remember to say: I love myself exactly as I am. Shakti Gawain.

  7. I love the range of people that blogging brings to me. I want to hear from those who hike and those who hibernate, those who are into fashion and those who don't even notice what they put on in the morning, those who talk about their bodies and those who do not. All kinds of people - it's really pretty amazing.

  8. Yes!!! I lost 25 pounds about 3-4 years ago and while it was lovely to be a little thinner, I still don't feel thin enough and my world did not change at all except I wear a smaller size, I became very obsessive about it for a while and I finally let go of it and now I just feel fine, even though my body is not "perfect" I realized it is okay and I was the only one expecting perfection anyway. If a family member or friend does not love me as I am I don't want them in my life :-).
    I love you small or big, short or tall :-). Did you get the darn package yet?! xoxo

  9. We are so conflicted with our body images. We ought to work at being fit and healthy for a lifetime, not look good according to some fashion maven. We ought to communicate with our whole self, body and soul.

  10. very wide subject, woiuld yake me pages to write about. so i will just say, you looked fab there, you look fab now and you are fab. so hell yes have an extra piece of cake!

  11. It's all in the mind.

    No matter who we are or what we look like we will experience self doubt about our appearance.

    It's strange and I'm not quite sure why this is, but I believe it to be true.

    When I was young and beautiful I was the most critical of myself... these days I'm learning to be kind.

    On another note... I think exercise is great for the mind, body and spirit. I love to walk and it helps me nurture myself.
    I hope to soon join a local yoga class too.

    Turning 50 next year and with a six year old I need to keep my body working for me so I can have a long and healthy life with my much adored son.

    Think happy be happy go for a walk... it helps you live in the moment
    xxx :)

  12. I would love you kj if you had 2 heads!

    I know the feeling. Like Renee. Never meeting her and hugging her... and yet I felt closer to her than some of my own family.

    It's comforting to be blogging and find so many wonderful, caring, creative people.

    It has enriched my life 230 times!

    Have a good week-end!

  13. Dear "KJB",
    Many wise words here - so there's not much I can add - except to say that it IS our diversity in all things, height, weight, race, religion, astrological sign - even age - that make us unique and beautiful.

    Health - as we age - is the important motivating factor - we all should work to stay fit, physically and emotionally.

    We have such a great Blogging Group and I'm know we ♥ what's "inside" much more than what's "outside".


    ♥ Robin ♥

  14. silke, you are so wise. you have said something in five sentences that some people write 200 page books about. i LOVE your outlook. i know you can't be up and flying high all the time but, silke, you have a keen eye for the starfish and not the seaweed. tsup!

    linda, i missed your wit, girl! a group blogsicle. perfect!

    hells, "I know you would but your special." you're damn right i would keep in touch! we've come a long way together. how long has it been? how much you know! how fun it will be...!

    mim, you are a perfect example of loving someone before physically meeting and loving them just the same after physically meeting. for me you are a total jackpot from blogging! and i know that will always be true. ♥

    pam, 'right as rain'? what a great expression!! screw the hollywood images. i'm glad you and i know at least that much! honestly pam, i don't even think it would take 20 seconds. i'd be looking for your grin and bit of a twinkle--and that would be that! xoxo

    suki, i like mim's analogy of being blind. and there is so much else we don't know, but yet, WE KNOW. i am rarely wrong about someone i've met through blogging. i've met enough bloggy friends to know i can trust my experience. i've made one colossial misjudgement, but even then, i don't regret loving.

    cs, yup, i feel the same way. it is quite amazing. i love the diversity too. and the creativity. and the support and humor and intelligence. :)

  15. annie, you looked pretty fine when i saw you!! i liked your kind of shy smile best. :) and no, no package y-e-t. i'm guessing tomorrow. you have me all excited!

    lakeviewer, well you have this right, that's for sure. it's one of those 'easier said then done', until a lightbulb goes off. i'm thinking my lightbulb is shining pretty okay-right now, so i'm hopeful and heartened!

    soulbrush, hee hee what good advice. i want chocolate cake with german coconut frosting. and maybe a chocolate eclair. xoxo

    ah robyn, do you know i let your words wash over me like a warm shower? i LISTEN to you, which is no small feat for me-who-is-stubborn-and-sometimes-a-know-it-all. i love walking. until my knee surgery, i would walk a long mile a day. now i am trying to get the damn knee to cooperate. i'm still not sure... ♥

    pattee, oh how renee is a perfect example. we didn't care about anything except her love and humor and grit and gratitude. like you, i miss her so totally, pattee. but i think she is sending little miracles along. i know of at least three so far. one involved studio lolo today. :)

    robin, more wise words. yes, taking care of our health and bodies has so much to do with sharing and receiving happiness and love. and i've said it often and before, robin, i feel like i have the BEST group of blogging friends and visitors anyone could ever have. in the past month there are four or five new women who have added so much (haha! do you know who you are? i hope so!) and of course there is YOU.

  16. Kj, :-). You are so kind. That package better arrive tomorrow!
    When ever I look at your photo on the sidebar I remember our coffee and talk. xoxo

  17. hahaha! funny cake topper, silly kj.

    i think we all have to do whats right for us. and it's true we are our own worst critics. i'm like robyn, i'm much more loving and gentle towards myself now.
    however, i know that to take care of my body, mind and soul is the best way to show my self true love. i like to feel fit and strong. it scared me when i fell on a trail run and tore my knee (resulting in surgery and rehab)5 years ago. Right after that i tore ligaments in my wrist on a small/ boat/ big/ waves mishap. i wondered how i would be able to do anything anymore without pain. (don't forget the stingray episode in my right ankle.) aggg.

    it was a good lesson in acceptance and adapting. because the drive to stay in shape for me is so strong (i have 5, no 6, no 7 times the motivation)for me its about quality of life. wanting to not only do what my familys doing, but to feel good doing it.

    i think it's not what we see in the mirror, but how we feel as we move through each day.

    and can i tell you something i learned when i was 17 years old and it's stayed with me all my life.
    i went snowskiing with my best girlfriends. one friend lost her sunglasses on the slopes. i gave her mine (thought i'd be fine without them). i wasn't. i ended up snowblind and spent the night in emergency. i didn't want to end our trip so my friends made me comfortable on the balcony of the ski chalet. they all took off and skiied the next day away.
    i sat, totally blind (for 3 long weeks) with my eyes bandaged up. before too long a guy came up to me, asked if he could join me and we ended up sharing a great afternoon. eventually my friends came for me. I'll never forget their attitudes, they said What were you wasting your time on him??? he wasn't very good looking!
    I was shocked. I'd never even thought what he'd looked like. he was kind, funny, friendly, i liked him. i felt like leaving my friends and going back with him i was so mad at my girlfriends. i know we talked a long time about this. they'd judged him and dismissed him. for the rest of my life i've never forgotten this. i see people with my snowblind eyes. they see best.

  18. YOU, lori ann graham, are a person i would never want to not know and have in my life!!!! your heart and your decency, your joy and your vision shine bright in this comment, as they do on every post you write, every story you tell, every photo you take. i have had my own knee surgery and it has limited me unmercifully. so it is time to get in shape. that is what i am doing and i am super glad about it. as for the story of your bandaged eyes: you've said it all, lori. this says as much about you as it does about beauty. this reads like a parable. ♥

  19. Yup, you're right. I've thought about how amazing it is that we love each other so much on these bogs, too - without having a clue, most of the time, what anyone looks like! I think that is so cool! We could walk right past each other - but wouldn't that be sad?!?
    I always know when I need to lose weight, or get in shape when I start feeling physically uncomfortable. I feel it pretty quickly - just a few pounds makes SUCH a difference in my back and some joints, that I am instantly kicked into action. It's always about feel first. Of course I like to look nice, but I'm over it - once you loose all your hair, which I did 11 years ago, you kinda learn how to get over yourself, when it comes to the surface stuff! May I suggest, close your eyes, check in with your body and ask it - how do you feel? what would make you feel better? If strength is missing, begin strength training. If joints are straining, and clothes feel uncomfortable, figure out some ways to lose weight that work for you. If you feel tight, try out some stretching, yoga, etc. If stress or heart rate is high, tai chi, or qi gung - and all of these things will take you deeper into your being, not just change your body. Making dietary changes can be so spiritual! being fully in our bodies as we move - it can open your heart to forgiveness and self love!! These are such exciting things to step into!!
    Okay, I've blabbed on enough :) love you, K

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  21. yep you're right kj. You usually are.

  22. Beautiful parable from our Lori....isn't it the truth, KJ?
    "None so blind that cannot see..."

    And, YES.....You DO have the "bestest blogging buddies" in the world - and perhaps out of it too!

    Love to you and Stella on a cold and foggy morning here in SF....

    ♥ Robin ♥

  23. I LOVED Lori's story! Lori, what a dear you are and so very RIGHT!

  24. Yeah, you are right! But that extra weight is bad for your knees, so stop eating applepie all the time, woman, do you hear?? :-)))

  25. You are always right KJ....but even though the inside matters we must like what we see of ourselves on the outside also. I need to lose the weight the last meds scaled on me. But I wan it for me, and nothing else.


  26. First of all, how did I miss this post? I never miss anything you post.

    I've read each and every comment, some of them twice. What wonderful words of wisdom and insight.

    You know my self-esteem runs pretty low these days if I concentrate on the "outer" me. But I do like the "inner" me after having done my share of soul work.
    I would never treat my friends the way I treat myself. When I remember to practice Loving Kindness I remember it all starts with us. If we can't love and except ourselves as is, then we'll never have the capacity to truly love anyone else.

    When I honor my body and feed it and nurture it the rewards are astounding. Small differences add up and incrementally we'll get there. I agree about listening to your body and tuning in to what it needs and tuning in to how you feel.

    I have always bristled at judgemental people. Lori's story was such a good example of that and how her heart never went to "that place' of caring about his physical appearance. I think that was a truly spiritual experience. I'd never forget it either. I won't forget it. Wow.

    When you and I met I think I apologized for how I looked. When Mim came to the door all I could think about was how fat I looked in that sweater. Did you two even size me up? No. We hugged and laughed and accepted our "packages" all tied up in friendship!

    I promise not to put this trip on Marianne when she comes in August.
    It really does get old and it's unneccesary.

    Well, it's early and I'm not saying a whole lot of anything!
    I'm working on my body image from the inside out now and I'm trying to nurture myself, body, mind and spirit.

    What a great group of friends we/you have KJ. Who'd a thunk blogging could run so deep?

    love you!

  27. Oh, I meant to wrap up my long comment by saying I realized one thing these past few years.

    I am enough.

    If I remember those words they carry me a long way ;)


  28. When I finally got back in shape last year, it was to FEEL better physically. I was tired of being tired. I must say, I can pound out four miles every morning and not even notice...course I have The Best Walking Partner, Ms. Dee. We giggle all the way. Weight Watchers did it for me...I still log on at least 4 days a week to keep me real. When I first put my measurements in a year ago I cried, but now, 24 pounds lighter, I FEEL healthier. Bonus was I got to get smaller clothes. So I think what matters is the reason behind it.
    **kisskiss** Deb