Note to Readers: I'm having the damnest time deciding in what order I will post these chapters. This is because in some real way this story is writing itself, and it's not always sequential. For example, for no reason other than I think it's important, I am beginning this post with an un-numbered chapter, which takes place just after Alex and Lily's break-up. At the time, Alex' daughter Amy is 8 years old. This is her dialogue with her mother.
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Chapter ?
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“Mommy, why doesn’t Daddy like Lily anymore?”
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“ Why do you ask that, honey?”
“ Why do you ask that, honey?”
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“He called her a bitch, Mommy. I heard him."
“He called her a bitch, Mommy. I heard him."
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“It’s complicated, sweetie. What's important is that Daddy and Lily are both good people."
“It’s complicated, sweetie. What's important is that Daddy and Lily are both good people."
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"Then why did Daddy say that?”
"Then why did Daddy say that?”
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"Mommy hurt Daddy’s feelings.”
"Mommy hurt Daddy’s feelings.”
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“Then why didn’t he call you a bitch ?”
“Then why didn’t he call you a bitch ?”
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“Because he has to live with me, honey”. Alex paused.
“Because he has to live with me, honey”. Alex paused.
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“And because he loves me.”
“And because he loves me.”
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Doesn't Daddy love Lily?
Doesn't Daddy love Lily?
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“Not as much as I do”.
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“Is Lily still your friend, Mommy?”
“Is Lily still your friend, Mommy?”
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“Yes, Amy, Lily will always be my friend.”
“Yes, Amy, Lily will always be my friend.”
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“Then why don’t you play with her anymore?”
“Then why don’t you play with her anymore?”
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Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to, honey.”
Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to, honey.”
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“You mean Daddy could tell me to stop playing with Rachel?”
“You mean Daddy could tell me to stop playing with Rachel?”
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“No, Amy, this only happens to adults. I’ll explain when you’re sixteen.”
“No, Amy, this only happens to adults. I’ll explain when you’re sixteen.”
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“Maybe by then you’ll be friends with Lily again, Mommy”.
“Maybe by then you’ll be friends with Lily again, Mommy”.
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Amy put her arms around her mother’s neck and squeezed her fingers together as tightly as she could.
Amy put her arms around her mother’s neck and squeezed her fingers together as tightly as she could.
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“Don’t cry, Mommy. Maybe Lily and Daddy will make up and then Lily can come bowling with us on Saturday.”
“Don’t cry, Mommy. Maybe Lily and Daddy will make up and then Lily can come bowling with us on Saturday.”
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Chapter 12
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After Alex, Lily was the sad recipient of three horrible Christmases, followed by two mediocre ones, and finally—one that was mostly repaired, mostly happy, and surprisingly content, courtesy of a terrific woman named Maxine.
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Lily met Max in the informally established dog park two miles from her house. After three months of walking their dogs in the same spot at the same time every Saturday, they fell into a routine of chatting and offering up tiny tidbits of their life, trading restaurant reviews, and hypothesizing about the island mysteries of the television series, Lost.
.
By the time Max asked Lily to dinner, they knew the significant details of each other’s relatives, the character traits they each found most irritating, and the histories of their respective heartbreaks.
.
On their first go-round outside the dog park, they went to the Imperial Palace where they compatibly shared scallion pancakes and one order of Pad Thai, both sandwiched in between two carafes of saki. Two weeks later they kissed—not a long kiss or a deep kiss, but it was sufficiently tender that Lily thought about it for several days afterwards.
.
"I like her” she told her friend Wendy. “She has a full life. She likes dogs. She’s cute. She’s wicked smart. She’s kind. Here’s how I’d put it: she’s not the full orchestra, but she’s a sweet string section”. Lily was quite amused by that analogy because at the time of their first kiss—a quick affair which occurred after dark at a stop light at the intersection of Routes 9 and 47, she had been strangely comforted by the feel of Max’s lips--soft irregular lines that somehow made her both imperfect and approachable—maybe even safe.
.
They made love three weeks after that. Since this was the first time since Alex that Lily had been truly aroused either physically or emotionally, she allowed herself to be open to Max. They began spending weekends together, vacationing, planning a vegetable garden in Lily’s back yard, regularly looking forward to what was becoming their Sunday morning routine that featured honeydew melon, chicken sausages and scrambled eggs. It was during one of those Sunday mornings that Lily distantly and distinctly recognized the foreign familiar feeling of rising hope.
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“Max”, Lily had said, “Are you sure you want me? I’m a mess, you know”.
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Max had smiled. “I’m a mess too, Lily. Look at it this way: at least we’ll have plenty of sympathy for one another.”
.
Now, months later, with Alex’s letter in front of her, Lily knew she could not go through with their extravagant plans to celebrate their commitment to one other. They were about to be married, and Lily knew as clear as glass that was no longer possible. This realization startled her. She shook her hands and then her head frantically, back and forth, sitting there in disbelief that she would cancel a wedding planned months ago to this wonderful tender woman who loved her so deeply. “No” she said, “I’m just upset. That’s all. I’ll take a bath and then a nap. And when I wake up I cannot let Alex Fournier ruin my life again, Never. Not ever.”
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Chapter 13
.
But it did not turn out that way. Sometimes when you think a decision’s before you, to your surprise you find it’s already behind you. That’s what happened with Lily after Alex’s letter arrived.
.
“Max” she had said, “I have to see you".
.
“Right away, Max”.
.
Max knew before she opened the kitchen door and walked in holding two Dunkin Donut grande lattes, but she said nothing. She just sat down at the kitchen table, opened the sugar packets for both of them, and waited. She did not flinch when Lily told her.
.
“I’ve never stopped loving her, Max.You know that. I’ve never hidden that. But I thought—I truly thought—it was over…I was ok again…I, I thought loving you, I love you so much, Max—would take care of it all. I never expected to hear from Alex again, and I never expected to fall apart when I did. She’s sick, Max.. You don’t deserve this Max, but I can’t put you first. I can’t. I..”
.
Every word Lily said was encased in deep sobs. She could not catch her breath, Her lungs riveted out of her chest, exploding in horrible defeat. Max opened her arms and wrapped them around Lily, and placed her head on her breast, slightly rocking her, while Lily sobbed. They sat there for what seemed like hours, until the Kleenex ran out and Lily’s nose and face had become congested and compacted she was forced to pull away, to only then see Max’s eyes, , to face the terrible reality that the drama of her broken heart was breaking another.
.
Max held her eyes to Lily’s until she simply couldn’t. She smiled a half smile—not a twinge of judgment or anger creased her face—and she stood up.
.
“Lily, figure it out." She said, "I’ll take care of the cancellations. Please don’t call me until you’ve figured it out. Please give me that much”
.
With that, Max leaned down and patted Louie, picked up her coat and placed it over her arm, kissed Lily on the top of her head, and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.
.
After Alex, Lily was the sad recipient of three horrible Christmases, followed by two mediocre ones, and finally—one that was mostly repaired, mostly happy, and surprisingly content, courtesy of a terrific woman named Maxine.
.
Lily met Max in the informally established dog park two miles from her house. After three months of walking their dogs in the same spot at the same time every Saturday, they fell into a routine of chatting and offering up tiny tidbits of their life, trading restaurant reviews, and hypothesizing about the island mysteries of the television series, Lost.
.
By the time Max asked Lily to dinner, they knew the significant details of each other’s relatives, the character traits they each found most irritating, and the histories of their respective heartbreaks.
.
On their first go-round outside the dog park, they went to the Imperial Palace where they compatibly shared scallion pancakes and one order of Pad Thai, both sandwiched in between two carafes of saki. Two weeks later they kissed—not a long kiss or a deep kiss, but it was sufficiently tender that Lily thought about it for several days afterwards.
.
"I like her” she told her friend Wendy. “She has a full life. She likes dogs. She’s cute. She’s wicked smart. She’s kind. Here’s how I’d put it: she’s not the full orchestra, but she’s a sweet string section”. Lily was quite amused by that analogy because at the time of their first kiss—a quick affair which occurred after dark at a stop light at the intersection of Routes 9 and 47, she had been strangely comforted by the feel of Max’s lips--soft irregular lines that somehow made her both imperfect and approachable—maybe even safe.
.
They made love three weeks after that. Since this was the first time since Alex that Lily had been truly aroused either physically or emotionally, she allowed herself to be open to Max. They began spending weekends together, vacationing, planning a vegetable garden in Lily’s back yard, regularly looking forward to what was becoming their Sunday morning routine that featured honeydew melon, chicken sausages and scrambled eggs. It was during one of those Sunday mornings that Lily distantly and distinctly recognized the foreign familiar feeling of rising hope.
.
“Max”, Lily had said, “Are you sure you want me? I’m a mess, you know”.
.
Max had smiled. “I’m a mess too, Lily. Look at it this way: at least we’ll have plenty of sympathy for one another.”
.
Now, months later, with Alex’s letter in front of her, Lily knew she could not go through with their extravagant plans to celebrate their commitment to one other. They were about to be married, and Lily knew as clear as glass that was no longer possible. This realization startled her. She shook her hands and then her head frantically, back and forth, sitting there in disbelief that she would cancel a wedding planned months ago to this wonderful tender woman who loved her so deeply. “No” she said, “I’m just upset. That’s all. I’ll take a bath and then a nap. And when I wake up I cannot let Alex Fournier ruin my life again, Never. Not ever.”
.
Chapter 13
.
But it did not turn out that way. Sometimes when you think a decision’s before you, to your surprise you find it’s already behind you. That’s what happened with Lily after Alex’s letter arrived.
.
“Max” she had said, “I have to see you".
.
“Right away, Max”.
.
Max knew before she opened the kitchen door and walked in holding two Dunkin Donut grande lattes, but she said nothing. She just sat down at the kitchen table, opened the sugar packets for both of them, and waited. She did not flinch when Lily told her.
.
“I’ve never stopped loving her, Max.You know that. I’ve never hidden that. But I thought—I truly thought—it was over…I was ok again…I, I thought loving you, I love you so much, Max—would take care of it all. I never expected to hear from Alex again, and I never expected to fall apart when I did. She’s sick, Max.. You don’t deserve this Max, but I can’t put you first. I can’t. I..”
.
Every word Lily said was encased in deep sobs. She could not catch her breath, Her lungs riveted out of her chest, exploding in horrible defeat. Max opened her arms and wrapped them around Lily, and placed her head on her breast, slightly rocking her, while Lily sobbed. They sat there for what seemed like hours, until the Kleenex ran out and Lily’s nose and face had become congested and compacted she was forced to pull away, to only then see Max’s eyes, , to face the terrible reality that the drama of her broken heart was breaking another.
.
Max held her eyes to Lily’s until she simply couldn’t. She smiled a half smile—not a twinge of judgment or anger creased her face—and she stood up.
.
“Lily, figure it out." She said, "I’ll take care of the cancellations. Please don’t call me until you’ve figured it out. Please give me that much”
.
With that, Max leaned down and patted Louie, picked up her coat and placed it over her arm, kissed Lily on the top of her head, and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.
That makes me sad. Can't Lily be supportive without giving up Max?
ReplyDeleteAt my age, I'd hate to think there as always the chance of someone with prior claim showing up-the fear of the middle aged.
debra kay, there's so much i could say about your comment but i'll let the story tell itself. thank you for following it so faithfully.
ReplyDeleteOH it's getting all sobby and snotty, it's awful when the tissue box runs out. Is there a funny bit you can post soon KJ?
ReplyDeleteWow, that IS sad. Poor Lily, she's doomed by love. I find myself wanting to give Lily advice. Do you know how I can contact her directly?
ReplyDeleteI am just in awe how easily Lily finds other women like her. I personally never knew a lesbian until I started blogging. One afternoon I was talking to my co-workers and was shocked to find out that there were at least four women we worked with who were lesbians. Then I super-rewound my memories to see if I did anything with them that may have been inappropriate like too much hugging. I wonder how they felt given the fact that I did not know and we were rather close to a lot of them. We shared our family stories and what my husband and children did on weekends and one of them told me that her roommate took care of the dogs when she went to work and her roommate this and roomate that but she never mentioned her roommate's name. At that time I would have probably been taken aback had I known she was a lesbian. I just did not think that the women I knew would be.
ReplyDeleteanon, ok, just for you, an upcoming chapter with no need for tissues. :)
ReplyDeleterm, yes rm, you can write lily a letter here if you want. since the story is unfolding, perhaps your advice will help her!
ces, in this day and age, if you worked with four co-workers and did not know they were lebians, i would guess they were not comfortable being themselves with you. i can just about assure you that your sincere hugs and expressions of affection would not be misinterpreted, nor would those women be interested in you.
as for your question about how women meet eachother, the same way men and women meet eachother: by sharing communities, events, introductions, blind dates, activities, serendipithy--in short, living their lives just the way you do.
Oh, the heartbreak ... and what really struck me was the conversation between Alex and Amy ... it's hard to answer the questions of adults, but the questions of a child have to be answered so very carefully and with so much to teach in those answers. Great dialog between mom and daughter!
ReplyDeletemelissa, thank you. this was the only time i've heard amy's little voice, and it struck me as so honest and innocent, and loving.
ReplyDelete"mike" has something to say too!
:)
i have tears in my eyes
ReplyDelete